A REGULAR FIND.

Press, Volume XVIII, Issue 2553, 7 July 1871, Page 3

A REGULAR FIND.

TO THE EDITOB OF THE PRESS.

Sib, —The'following letter was picked up somewhere in the neighborhood of Cathedral square, , and handed to mc by a chum of mine. As it refers to your paper in rather an objectionable manner, and as I know that you always like to afford the public the fullest information upon all the topics of the day, I thought your readers would not object to a small peep behind the scenes, so I forward it to you for publication. Yours obediently, MUDLAKK. Christchurch, July 6, 1871. " Exchange Alley, "July 5, 1871.

"My Dear Dock, —As you "are no doubt perfectly aware there are some born idiots in this " vale of tears," and I have come to the conclusion that I,must be one of them for interfering with that confounded paper the Press.: I suppose you have seen how it has jumped upon me,,if I may be allowed the expression, and done it in the most unexpected and decided manner. I flattered myself that we were pretty safe from auything like , a stinging reply to anything we might write, seeing that poor old Fitz has retired into that '' cooler shade of respectability," from which he is not likely to return; you' can imagine my astonishment therefore.when I arose on Tuesday morning last and received a shock to my nervous system, which I am not likely to forget in a hurry.' I felt something like Mark Tapley— "a feather could-have knocked mc down." I have not the slightest doubt that you will call mc a silly gorvk for taking it so much to heart, and will, no doubt, tell mc to pluck up my speerits a nee bit ; but if you believe mc, old fellow, it was a blow to me—a blow that told, because it came straight from the shoulder, and I felt, after reading it, very much like Cardinal Wolsey, that I had " fallen, like Lucifer, never to rise again." And in order to add insult to injury, some wretch the next morning must needs protract my agony by prescribing mc a dose of Cockle's pills. Ugh ! the animal. I wish he had only swallowed the same quantity as I have done, and with the like result; for have I not tried for years to get rid of my bilious temperament and failed ? What is to be done my friend, in this emergency ? Can you help mc, my trusty comrade—my more than brother ? Help mc to administer one of your smart applications to these fiends in human form who thus torture mc and render my life little more than a bnrtben. Turn it over in your mind, old fellow, or, as you would happily term it, "wamble it in yourwame" for a day or two, and let mc know the result of your deliberations. It won't do to eat humble pie ; it won't do to act like a beaten gamecock, and it certainly won't do to let the public have an idea that we are licked into a cocked hat. Give the rascals a taste of your scalping knife—you're the boy tbat can use it; or apply a " cantharidian plaster," whichever you think best—only hit them hard at all events; they have no friends, and we have many. I think, however, it. would be as well to leave the Super, alone this time, as I see the big-nigs are soon to meet. You observe, no doubt, that he has done the trick after all, and got his own way. Idid not think it was in him; so never mind him for the nonce ; let him rip for the present, there will be plenty of chances of having a dig at him at an earlier date than he will appreciate. It's the others, Dock, I want to floor; it's the others—that accursed pressgang I want to crush, and crushed they must be. and that soon. To you my tender '" toolip" I commit the task : to you I look for revenge. Till I hear from you,- or till we mcct — Oh rivers.

Yours very faithfully, Ye Ken Wha, The O'Dock, at the sign of the

Veeping Pill-ows. P.S. —Let mc know what day you dine with mc. I shan't forget to put a lemon in my pocket if you will only let mc know in time. I have got Campbelton and Islay mixed, on tap—a splendid brew. By the way, do you spell wbiskv with or without the e ?