HOW TO COOK A HUSBAND.

Bruce Herald, Volume XVII, Issue 1759, 18 June 1886, Page 5

HOW TO COOK A HUSBAND.

One of the lecturers before the Baltimore Cooking School recently gave this recipe for cooking a husband, wbich, it ia safe to say, has never appeared in anybook of cookery. " A good many husbands are utterly spoiled, by mismanagement. Some women go about as if their husbands were bladders, and blow them up. Others keep them constantly in hot water ; others let them freeze by their carelessness and indifference. Some keep them in a stew of irritating ways and words. Others roast them. Some keep them in pickle all their lives, It cannot be supposed that any husband will be tender and good managed in this way ; but they are really delicious when properly treated. In selecting your husband, you should not be guided by the silvery appearance — as in buying mackrel, nor by the golden tint — as if you wanted salmon. Be sure to select him yourself, as tastes differ. Do not go to market for him, as the best are always brought to your door. It is far better to have none unless you will patiently learn how to cook him. A preserving kettle of the finest porcelain is best; but if you have nothing but an earthenwere pipkin, it will do with care. See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended, with the required number of buttons and strings sewed on. Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as the one called duty is apt to be weak. They are apt to fly out of the kettle and be burned and crusty en the edges, since, like crabs and lobsters, you have to cook them while alive. Make a clear steady fire out of love, neatness and cheerfulness. Set him as near this as seems to agree with him. If he sputters and buzzes do not be anxious ; some husbands do this until they are quite done. Add a little sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice improves them, but it must be used with judgment. Do not stick any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently, watching the while lest he lie too flat and close to the kettle, and so become useless. You cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated, you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and the children, and he will keep as long as you want, unless you become careless and set him in too cold a place."