VARIETIES.

Bruce Herald, Volume VI, Issue 403, 31 January 1872, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Yeomanry Drill. — Drill-Serge.int : >c Dress up, Mr Bumpshis ! You must dress up/ Mr Rumpshus '(indignant). "Dress up] Confound you'! I'm better dressed than you are."'— ' Ibid.'

A matron says there is more lnv<* in a 6onr-barrel than in all the roses and woodbine that ever grew.. Trying" to do business without advertising is like winking: at a pretty girl throimh a pair of green goo-fries. You may know what you are doing, but nobody else dues. Smoking. — Dr Gray, an eminent Oxford physician, has just open writing on the. popular subject of smoking, the moc'erafco use of which he approves of. "To quiet nervous unrest, to soothe a ruffled temper, to favor calm and impartial thought, tn steady and clear (not to cloud) a confused, overworked brain, to counteract the effects of physical exhaustion" — these, he ssiy.--, are just the things which tobacco does; and, if it can effect these ends safely nnd pleasently. who shall deny it a placo among God's good gifts lo men ?

A correspondent of an agricultural paper asks : — " Where, can wool be profitably grown ?" We are of the opinion that there is no place where it can more profitably be grown than un the back of a sheep.

An Indiana man claims to have succeeded in playing a thorough confidence game upon the potato-bur.-. lie planted a grain of corn in each potato-hill, and as the corn came up first, the bugs thought it was a corn-field and sought other scenes. A son of Erin just arrived in the land of plenty, being in want, was told by a person to whom he applied for aid, to go to , generally considered a very warm region. " Civility, indade," said Pa% " to invite me to votir father's house."'

A fastidious " lady " thief recently stole a piece of bacon from a provision shop in North Peckham, but returned it shorOy afterwards to its owner, with the polite intimation that it was of no use to her — it was too fat !

Mr Verbloom, of this city, who was supposed to have g-one down in the City of Boston, lias put in an appearance, very greatly to the astonishment of his wife. As that worthy lady had just received a thousand dollars on his life policy, his reception was not at-fend< j d byanv of those external siyn* with which frivol'-nis natures are accustomed to manifest their joy-, After the first start of surprise, the demeanor of his wife was calm, diVnih'^d, and resigned — something like that of fi serene jackass baffle, i of his turnip !:y fi sudden and tempestuous pig-. — ' San Francisco News Letter."

A New Splint. — Mr Cocking 1 ,, of Penzance, has laid the profession under much obligation by his poroplastic sheet for spiin ts — an invention which combine* the desiraMe qualities of beiny, 1 porous, elastic, light, flexible, ;ind economical, ft is a felted substance in sheets of all strengths and sizes. When softened by heal it becomes plastic; with cold it becomes rigid , while it can be resoftened many times without losing its virtues-, ft has succeeded admirably hitherto, and seems to us calculated to prove highly useful to the surgeon, particularly in tho country and in the military f.nd naval

services

A Savannah (Gn.) paper is responsible for this: — " Among the entries made for exhibition at the fair of the -industrial Association is p. patent incubator, for the purpose of hatching chickens. During the fair the incubator will improve the shining hours to the extent of hatching out 500 chickens a day. Attached to the machine is an artificial mother, which when the chickens are once fairly hatched assumes control of the brood and proceeds to exercise the maternal functions in rhe most approved style. The invention 'will prove to he quite an attraction."

A RTCMEDY FOR FLIES <&C.— A little very simple knowledge would g-o a great way in warm weather. Here are a pany of amateur sportsman coming home in disgust on account of mosquitoes, thousands of stavat-homes who find life

almost unendurable On an\ terms ior flies-, If either party knew it, cirholic acid is the sovereign remedy for all theif troubles. A. few drops evaporated in a room ir poured upon the clothes will keep the winged pests at a safe distance-; and if t lie pure crystallised acid is used no great annoyance will result to human beings. Restaurant keeper? ought to kno<v this-, and keep the h warms of flies away from their windows, where they settle and buzz to the torment of passers. The musty taste of the Croton water complained of by those who make its acquaintance newly every sii'snner may be corrected by throwing a few scraps of sheet iron into the water tank or cooler. This prevents water from decomposing, and keeps it pure and sweet It will even preserve the water from growing unwholesome and offensive on long" sea voyages. People are constantly rushing about in the hot sna complaining of headaches and giddiness, when all they need for safety and comfort is a wet handkerchief in the crown of 'he hat.