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Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 303, 23 December 1939, Page 6 (Supplement)

What a Spectacle ! JjITTLE Freddie watched intently while his grandmother prepared the Christmas tea table. "Do your glasses magnify much, gran t" he suddenly asked. "Why, yes, dear," said the old lady. Freddie looked thoughtful. "Then please will you take them off when you- cut me a piece of the Christmas cake." he asked. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Saved ! QTHE Christmas "spirits" were abroad and Pat had yielded to their influence. He reached home late. Not wishing to disturb his wife he crept in on his hands and knees; but fate intervened and he bumped into the. bedpost. His wife, sleepily putting out her hand, touched his head and, thinking it was the dog, began patting it. Telling this to his pals next morning, Pat said:, "And the spirits be praised, I had the presence of mind to lick her hand." ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ Thoughtful For Dad ]\f~AIDEN aunt (in large store):" I—er— want a nice toy, please, suitable for a Christmas present for a small boy whose father is corpulent and unable to do any kneeling."*

Another Man's Wife A trying to liven a dull Christmas party, sprang upon the guests th# time-honoured jest: "The sweetest hour* of my life were spent in the arms of another mans wife-—(horrified pause)—my mother." This amused one of the guests so much that he determined to quote it on the first possible occasion. He did so—to his wife, thus: "Do you know, the sweetest hoort in all my life were spent in the arm# of another man's wife— another man's wife! Hang it all, I can't remember who she waa." .♦♦ ♦ ♦ She's a Sergeant ! "J>LEASE, madam," asked the pretty maid, "may I have Boxing Day off W go and see my aunt?" Before°her miatrea* could reply, little Peggy, who had information, added her pleading to the maid's. "Oh, muni my," she said, "do let her. Her aunt has just been made a sergeant." + + ♦ ♦ Blarney Stone Q\RAMP: But, lady, every Christmas fo* * 25 years I've received something front this house—since before you were born. Miss Fortyodd: Oh, that's different. HI see what I can do.