THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 190, 14 August 1939, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

Speaking of the call for territorials, "Mac" drops in to tell me about a skirmish which took place a couple of evenings ago.

He says a- group of small THE FULL-BACKS, hoys were holding a

battle and usinjj stones for ammunition. One little chap stopped a "hand grenade" on the side of the head and was very sick and sorry when he reached home after the firing had ceased. To his mother he explained what had happened. "Why didn't vou get 'behind a tree?" asked his 'mother. '"Tree? Why. there weren't enough trees for the captains and majors, replied the lad.—Johnny.

The Fakir of Ipi, who had been causing all sorts of trouble on the frontier, was reported to have been killed on August 2. Unfortunately, the DEAD RECKONING, wretched fellow has

turned up again in North Waziristan, thus proving, as in the case of Hark Twain's premature bereavement notice, that the report was "grossly exaggerated." The Fakir must be a regular young tinker, for a price has been put upon his head: Some weeks aero the oarers said This Ipi bloke was truly dead. And all rejoiced to learn the Fakir Had gone at last to meet his Maker. It seems a cinch that Mister Ipi Is driving: half the nation dippy. So. like the worthy brewers here. They've put a price upon his bier. —B.C.H. PRICES. Recently the Price Investigation Tribunal reported that there was no justification for an increase in the price of salmon, herrings or sardines. In solemn conclave this Tribunal sat To see why sardines were so dear. Why herrings, too, had pone up in price Compared to the previous year. They asked many questions and counted the stocks. To check profiteering, you know. For we must have sardines or a herring or two. Or to perdition this country would go. Just fancy for breakfast no herrings in sauce, Not a wee sardine to be had. Not even a salmon tinned by the Japs.— No wonder Dan Sullivan's mad. They're proving their worth, this body of men. It's inquiries like these that we need; They're really so clever we trust them to see We're not robbed buying carroway seed. No need now to worry what safety-pins cost, oil for our sewing machine; No fear we'll be robbed when buying tintacks. Or lipstick, hair wash, glycerine. from the Islands and over the seas roi ♦ is sold to the buyers "so cheap." things° t0 investisate some of these Fl keep the records which no doubt they

T1 Pvpn iC t e i 1 !! I « at 7 e ' re J aying for onions to-dav, \ rT* t ' l ? s 6 from the dear little Jans —WEARY WILLIE.

There is not an atom of superstition in my constitution mascots, spilled salt, (broken mnroro, horse shoes, cross-eyed girls and women with emp t v CUP READING, 'buckets, etc., leave me frozen stiff. However, have 6 Xfrn a " °f ca6ion w ' he " I consented to nave afternoon tea with my wife in a nlace where a masked seer reads cups. Mv turn w."V?r\J'7? «• «*<•% S woman and the fair one, the enemv the journey, the person whos# name be°un'with the 6 little ,peed * Mw * SOme ™ n Vand old lav rZ etc "- , All told in °M, y. Then the weird woman laid down my cup and looked across the taible and said \ou re going to have an interview with a policeman soon, in fact almost immediately." My scepticism received a shock; mv hea^ stopped beating- a* I wondered just which com mission it could .be that I was wanted for! St ,i„t- • I " st , oaton ' 1 kft the tearoom « r ,+ u .sinkang feeling in my stomach. The first tillnii I saw in the street was a "cop" coming toward me. I immediately became deeply interested in the contents of a window. He parsed on, and I breathed again. We boarded a homeward-bound tram. When we alighted tjhere was another "cop" and a convenient window. He- also passed on. We turned the corner, and when we arrived home there was a plain-clothes man standing at WM tt Tt n "? Was Ptea,in ? emptv hottle.-. Had it been full ones, who knows'? But for empty ones I had a water-tight alibi. Had the masked lady inside information, or was it a coincidence, or had she reallv been endowed with an eye that could penetrate the iuture and see coming events casting their shadows before them?—J.W.H.

Some motor drivers there are that will not heed the rights of them that go afoot, and this I do 6ee this day when such a one "ROAD HOr<s" d °- T"i h TOe at a HOGS. painted crossing and the mv , , wheel of his car right on my foot almost; so that I had to spring back with nimbleness to the end that I should not ■be the victim of his rash impetuousness. And bethink mo that a judge in the Court hath called attention recently to this matter and wonder if note will be taken of it and something done that will put an end to it This is an offence that be not general but do crop up every now and again, for most of the drivers be law-abiding follows and will crive the walkers their due; which do add to "the problem, .or I never know whether he who bears down upon me at the crossing will be a lau -abiding one that will give mo'the rinht to proceed or one that will have the road'to himself whether I 'be oil it or not. Wherefore much vacillation and indecision do afflict me so that I dally when I should proceed, which do lead one motoring fellow to stop his car and ask do I intend to dance there all dav if so he will turn and go round the block that I may have that bit of road to myself. Which jibe do annoy me intensely till I ponder that maybe there will be something to be said for his side of it; but the blame, I do maintain, be with the lawless driver that I had thought this fellow nihilt be, and so had acted warilv accordingly. Thus it be that the ill deeds of a few can upset the whole scheme, and the matter will not be put right till the lawless ones are weeded out and rigour meted to them to the end that they will learn that tliev must respect the rights of others or suffer chastisement themselves. For it do seem to be a fact that he who will have no regard for the skins of others do have a mighty regard for his own lude. and will spare others if there be no other way or sparing himself. And so I hope something will be <lono ooncerninor it. B.O'V.

A THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. There are who sitrh that no fonrl heart is their.-, None loves them Uest —O vain and selfish (hit of the -bosom of His love He spares—'"' : The Father spares His Son, for thee to die For thee He died—for thee He lives I Oei thee He watches in His boundless reigu. —''The Christian Year."