JOKES.

Auckland Star, Volume LXX, Issue 108, 10 May 1939, Page 20

JOKES.

(Copied by Fay Scott, 8 Sentinel Road, Heme Bay). Diner: Look here, waiter, my lobster is without a claw. How in that? Waiter: Well, sir, they are so fresh that they fight with each other in the kitchen. " Diner: Take this one away and bring me one of the winners, then. A tourist had just treated an old gentleman who was sitting outside the village hotel. 'They tell me you're the oldest inhabitant," said the tourist. "What is your age?" "Yes. that's right." lie replied. "I he tho oldest in the village—!>•"> next month, and 1 reckon if it hadn't lieen for this putting hack the chx-ks I'd have been a centenarian l>y this time." "I understand, Bridget, that late last night you had a policeman in to supper, and that he finished the cold mutton." "Well, ma'am, you can't expect me to start cooking hot meals for any policeman at that time of night!" Teacher: Why were you not at school yesterday. Bobby? Bobby: l'lease. sir. I was convalescing. Convalescing? What from? Three apple dumplings. Teacher: As we walk outdoors on a cold winter's morning and look about us, what do we see on every hand? Pupil: Gloves. Teacher: Do you know "hat the Royal Mint is, Thomas? Thomas: It is what the King puts on his roast lamb, Miss!