THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 128, 2 June 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

I It is eaid that a certain Auckland hotel 'has an added attraction in the form of a sagacious parrot. The bird has the free run of the bar, and, apart GETTING from the fact that he THE BIRD, does not drink, he exhibits an almost human intelligence. His constant attendance in the bar, coupled with a keen sense of observation and knowledge ox the vernacular, have enabled him to recognfee the "drunks" without difficulty. George the barman recognisee this, for immediately a patron becomes a little "over the eight" cocky calk out loudly, "Put him out, George." He continues hie exhortations ad lib until George is driven to such a «tate of distraction tliat he carries out his orders and ejects the offender. As the story concerns a hotel bar I am naturally not able to confirm it, but if it is in fact true, that bird should receive permanent employment as a member of the licensing- committee. —B.C.H.

A reader who gives a poet office box address at Gisborne, but who writes such a terrible signature that present paragraphia and hie fellow tvpe"ROTTEN LUCK." tappers are unable" to decipher it —lie really should have been a doctor —writes: Having seen letters from other chaps asking for information on some matter in which they are interested, I am writing to eee whether you can help rie. The exploits of Bradinan and Co. in England give cricket more than usual prominence just at present and recall some lines which appeared in "Punch" some years ago. It was a lengthy account of a cricketer's preparations on going in to bat. taking centre, adjusting his pads, etc., before deigning to face the bowler, only to be clean bowled first ball. On returning to the grandstand he announced in a voice loud and clear, "Rotten luck, I wasn't ready."' Now I would like to know the exact words if anyone can recall the article. I wrote to the editor of "Punch" eome time ago, but have not seen my query published and so I am seeking your aid, hoping you can help by asking any of your numerous readers if they can eupply the lines. Yesterday in England was Derby Day at Epsom, and the cable bringing the result tells JUS that the great race was won by a Frenchbred colt. At the moment DERBY DAY. Aupklande.rs are more concerned -with [licking the Great Northern double next week, or even the winner of the maiden trot at Alexandra Park two days hence. We Aucklandere who look upon Ellerslie as "It" in the list of racecourses sometimes think that 1/0 is a heap to pay at the gate, with another 10/ to reach the grandstand, or if you prefer it, 4/ to the Leger stand. I have before me a booklet which contains among other items the charges for admission on Derby Day in England. No mention is made of admission to the Epsom Downe, which is the racecourse, but to get to the grandstand you have to dig deep into your pockets and find £2 2/. Then to enter* the paddock, which is the only chance you have of getting a sight at the horses, coste' £ 1 2/G. For the four clave of the Derby meeting, you can, if you wish, reserve stalLs in the grandstand—this includes admission to TattersalF* —and pay either £8 14/ or £("■. Two meetings are held at Epsom during the year, and to do the racing in style you can engage a box to ■hold eight persons for a mere £120! But even if you part with your century and a fifth you won't be able to find'out what the heads are backing.—Johnny.

We howl about the burden of Mickey Savage's taxes, and the old folk sigh for th'o good old days—with emphasis on the good. I

wonder how we would GOOD OLD DAYS, like to draw back the

curtain of time. say. two hundred years. 7n those days in the United .States there were one hundred and fifty offences punishable by death. Men and women were persecuted for their religion beliefs: and were flogged, mutilated and otherwise cruelly punished for what are to-day regarded as minor offences. Drunken nose was so common that at social functions men fell under the table drunk; aiwl elders and deacons of the church, acting as pall-bearers, would sometimes drop the coffin on the way to the grave! There was such a prejudice against theatre* that the newspapers in Washington did not dare publish theatrical notice* or advertisements. Even a* late as Lincoln's time people were so narrow-minded that they severely criticised Lincoln for attending 'plays, and many thought that his death—shot in Ford"* Theatre—was a visitation of Divine Providence for his ein! In Xew England men toiled fifteen hours a day (there was no forty-hour woe-k) for twenty cents, although that amount of money did not then buy oven a.> much a>it will to-day. In fact -those good old days'' were Ihc bad old day* when brutality, coarseness, vulgarity and inhumanity were the rule —not the exception-—in the common life of every daw—Kauriki.

A Thames reader writes: I have been verv interested in the notes published in your "M.A.T." colunui and would l>e pleased if your contributor "Touchstone" "WANT." could enlighten me on the correct use of the word "want."' which appears to be abused. Quite a number of people are heard to say. for instance. "Von want to hurry up." or ''-You want to start early." A magistrate used the words "You want to be put across your father's ; knee and smacked." . The reader ako call, , attention to the common misuse of a wor.l ! that has various meanings. "Want." the noun, j mean* lack or absence of something; poverty ; >r destitution or a thing needed or de«ircd. i us "His wants are tVw."' These meanings aiv j i-learly understfHKl. It is ; ,s a verb that the i 1 word has degenerated, because there are so i I many variations in moaning. These vjs-iations ! jran liest Ik> indicated by' short sonti-nee.* in I I which the word occurs ii! varying senses. To ! !«:!iit a drink: your hair wants cuttinsr (the 1 I Mad Hatter in '-Alice in Wonderland"): to want the <-omfort* of life: to want the proper ! <|ualilication>: I am not wanted here: 'he i> ; the man we want: ho i> wante<l for forgerv: ' it i> wanting in nothing; we want for common necessities; the head of the statue is wantin?. j These are all well-authorised uses of thn word. . Somebody may suggest that '"wanted for, j forgery" comes into the category of police : Ijargon. but all doubt is elcarodup bv usin-j i the won! in the same seine but in "another : setting—"You ;l re wanted in the hea<l:naster":< ; room." But the reader wlicse note is under discussion has given three instances r ,f tn; , , wrongful use of "want." In each j-a-sp '•oiiiht' , i was the projier word. The magistrate wa> .wrong because desire ;is well a< need ■; implied . ; wlieil "want"' u-el of sentient things, or things capable of wv-hing. For instance.'the ■ boy mi Hit have ropliwl onite truthfully to th•■>• magistrate by saving. "I d.">n"t want to be put ! across my father's kneo.'" The implication of i desire accounts for the growinjr use of such colloquialisms a>, 'I want to know"' for ''I wish to know"' or ''I should like to know."— I Touchstone.

THOUGHTS FOR TODAY. i Good time?: and liart times and all times pass over.—Charles Kin pp ley. in the »reatf«t curse of the human race. —W. K. (iliicWnnp. Do not prumb'.e at creaking gates; oil the ' hinsres. —Anon.