THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXIX, Issue 120, 24 May 1938, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MEN ABOUT TOWN.)

The news sent from London by air mail and published in Saturday's "Star" telling us that the seventeenth Duke of Somerset is a | bit of a magician, but "TAKE A CARD." such a large bit that at the annual meeting of the Magic Circle in April he put over tricks which had the members of the circle baffled, can, I think, be taken with the proverbial sack of salt. The Duke's best trick, we are told, was the burning of a five-pound note and restoring it undamaged, but I can hardly see any magician baffled by this bewhiskered trick, which I think was practised by Xoah at the time of the Flood. By the way, the Duke of Windsor is very keen on conjuring, and before he moved to the Continent he was considered rather clever, but most of his tricks were what the magicians call "self-contained'' —the tricks really do themselves. Xow if Royalty wishes to baffle the Magic Circle, then all it has to do is to perform the Indian rope trick. Xothing else is good enough.—Johnny. Come to think of it, we are a careless lot of cusses. A fire in a Sydney store was caused by a young man flicking his cigarette into a box of fireworks. CARELESS A man up Xortli one time CUSSES, threw a match down and set fire to miles of bush, and also burned tip bis homestead and stock. A woman cleaned a pair of gloves with benzine and then dried them before the fire—she was burned to death. A miner thawed out some dynamite on a shovel before a file—he isn't with us now. A young man out shooting left the hammers of his gun up and pulled it by the barrel through a fence —his funeral was largely attended, just as were so many other gun-draggers'. A little boy picked up a bright little cylinder which he thought would make a lovely pencil holder—the boy is now blind. Xot knowing anything about detonators, he bit the end. A busliman lit a fire just to boil a billy, and some of the giant kauris burnt for months. Mr. B. stepped off a moving train backwards —he is dead. And so on, ad infinitum.—Honi. A reader who noted the action of a grand jnrv in making a presentment to the judge on the subject of motor accidents wishes to know how the word came PRESENTMENT, into use. He also asks whether it is a fair thing for grand juries to ventilate such matters when cases for trial at the session may be prejudiced by a demand for heavy The word comes directly from the act of presenting. It is sometimes applied to a picture or likeness. 1 It may mean a manifestation of character, demeanour or conduct. It ought not to be ■ confused with "presentiment," a prophetic or 1 imaginative apprehension of something future. especially a foreboding. "Touchstone" offers ' the humble opinion that grand juries ought to ' be abolished. There is a good deal of point in the reader's opinion about the grand jury's ■ presentment on the eve of a trial.—Touchstone. It was recently asserted by a man who ) said he knew that if a person suffering from ■ insomnia, or a person getting less sleep than he deserved, slept with FACING NORTH, his head to the north instead of south, east or j west, he would snr.re much more soundly. The same man said that if you have a blunt razor a blade and turn the edge towards the Xortli I Pole it would, in a day or two. resume it? . keenness. One tried it with a blade which bad r been reclining recklessly with its edge facing j east and west, and on trying it out later found s that it wouldn't shave at all. Intensive i inquiries elicited the information that some i unauthorised person had been sharpening - ))encils with it. The ostensible reason foi 3 anticipating renewed vonth in old razor blade? . with the edge turned to the Xorth Pole is » that the magnetic jmll of the said Pole wil i- adjust the minute particles of steel, thu= 1 producing a closer and better edge. The idea 1 can be extended considerably, and Mr. Semplc t should recommend that all relief, worker.; or 1 abandoning toil tor the day should lay theii e j shovels, picks, ma.ttocks. spades and grubber* " I facing the Xorth Pole. —Johnny.

Some bright scribe in compiling a.small ( but interesting diary during, the Great War : mentioned at one period "tlie verb 'to wangle' has entered the conflict.'" BROUGHT This and manv other warTO BOOK. ■coined words have since been accepted as part of our language and have duly been consummated in the pages of recognised dictionaries. Tiie above author, however, omitted to mention one curious expression which, though common among the troops, has since faded from our vocabulary. I refer to the somewhat intriguing expression "Have you ever read tlie little red book?" "What book?" the victim would inquire, and the answer was. as every "Digger" knows, '"Why go crook ?" In other words, tlie query was put to any man who persisted in complaining of existing conditions. A certain brigadier-general who was cursed with a bad liver and blessed with an excellent orderly, or '"batman." had reason to learn something of the significance of the jargon of the times. One evening for no apparent reason he had given his orderly a particularly severe barrage of invective, culminating in the summary dismissal of the faithful servant. Nevertheless, when the good general returned to billets late that night he found everything prepared in bis bedroom as usual, including supper tray, etc. Tlie only extra article in the room consisted of a tiny red blank notebook reposing >11 his pillow. > The same old orderly was on j lutv as usual next morning, and. a* they -ay in modern political language. '•Xeither •artv had anything to say."—B.C.IT. He is retired now. But once he \\sed to j •e tlie accountant of a large firm. He was! tiger 011 the petty expenses, and his j innumerable odd jobs inTICKETS. eluded the scrutinising of the "chits"' that members f the staff put in from time to time t > cover icrsonal expenses incurred on the business of the firm. It seemed to the old chap that tlice ■vas insufficient check on these expenses, and that the avenue for petty larceny was too broad. So he used all sorts of method* of ehceking them. 011 one famous occasion he even made a journey to a small country centre about fifty miles from town. Business often took the younger ones here, and it was their habit to include among the expenses an item of 2/ for lunch in the said small town. But the old chap nosed round and found a little shop where a lunch (of sorts) could be got for 1/3. thereafter all luncheon items from the township of X. were marked down to 1/3. But his l>iggest and brightest idea was his famous check on tram fares. It was of 110 use presenting a chit to hiin marked: "Tram fares, 2/C>." Xo fear. He demanded the used tram tickets as proof. This regulation descended 011 the staff like a thunderbolt, an 1 for a while they didn't quite know what to do about it. Fhen the inevitable inventive mind got to work and the tram fare.? item soared again. All that happened was that the lads used to go to the nearest tram stop and there collect a dozen or two of tlie tickets that alighting passengers threw away. To the day of his retirement the old fellow never discovered the deception.—B.O'X. A. THOUGHT FOR TO-DAY. Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge. It is thinking that makes what we read ours. We are of the ruminating kind, and it is not enough to cram ourselves with a great load of recollections; unless we chew them over again they will not give lie strength and nourishment.—Locke.