TRAINING CHILDREN.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVIII, Issue 3, 5 January 1937, Page 10

TRAINING CHILDREN.

CURING OBSTINACY. ( WHAT SENSIBLE MOTHERS DO. ! An obstinate child will store up a great deal of unhappiness for himself, especially if the reason for his obstinacy i 6 misunderstood. It may be that he suffers from a sense of injustice, or has a feeling that he must fight against life. Only understanding and justice can help him. Here is some good advice which appeared in an English paper and was written by an expert on child psychology. Nothing can be so completely baffling a« a child's obstinacy, because his obstinacy is untempered by reason. He does not eay to himself: "I have said so, and therefore I shall stick to it," but he suddenly makes up his mind that he will not do a certain thing. For instance, he may take it into his head to forget one of the letters of the alphabet, perhaps because he has a va;:ue dislike for it. or associates i± with something distasteful, but for the time being nothing will make him say it. If mother tries persuasion, she is in for a long, tiring morning; if she helps him. there will be another letter "forgotten" next time, and if she let* it pass she is merely giving in to him. Punishing Himself. The only thing to do is to point out that he will have no time for play, and that she will leave him until he remembers the letter. But she must not be surprised if he is still a£ determined on her return, for the obstinate child will punish himself as readily as others. Sometimes the fault will take even more aggravating forms, such as pretending to be deaf. When asked questions to which answers are necessary, he is too clever to keep on saying: "What ?" but ignores them altogether, as if no one had spoken. The more they are repeated, the longer he keeps up his little game, until it becomes exasperating. The best way to deal with this is by reprisals. Tell him that it is no use for two deaf people to try and talk to each other, and he will soon be asking: "Why don't you answer me, mummy ?" Or if he is sent upstairs to fetch something, not only will.he deliberately bring the wrong thing, but will repeat the annoyance again and azain. Obviously, mother cannot say: "Never mind. I'll* fetch it myself," so she must tell him that if he is so stupid, she will not ask his help ajrain. But on no account must she let him see that she knows it has been done on purpose. The first thins to realise is that, whatever form it may take, nothing will force the stubborn child, and if this method is tried .it will increase the fault and wear the tempers' of both. But obstinacy has an interesting side to it, for often it covers real determination. and the parent has to discover how to encourage the one while discouraging the other. Golden Rules. There are certain golden rules to be observed. When the mood is on. the child must never be given an audience, for all childish faults grow worse in the limelight. Neither must he be allowed to think that his stubbornness k a matter of importance, or that the daily routine will be held up until he gives in. He must never in any circumstances be bribed: "Do it like a good boy, and you shall have a chocolate." Lastly, his phases of stubbornness must not be allowed to bring him any gain. To take no notice at all whenever possible is the quickest and surest remedy, for the one thing that no child can stand is to be ignored. The goal that the energies of those in charge must be directed towards is to make the obstinate child feel that nowhere and at no time is the game worth while.