RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume LXVI, Issue 122, 25 May 1935, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

(By ZAMIEL.)

Headline, "Flying Doctor." Those apples again! The airman's motto, "If .at first you don't succeed, fly, fly, fly again." Unless there is a universal limitation of arms, the usual limitation of logs is inevitable. Footballs are now being made of rubber. I wonder will the R.U. kick at this innovation? An English poet has written a fifth verse to the National Anthem. That makes four verses very few people know. Butter is up. I was having a heart to heart talk with the family cow this morning and she didn't seem to care a bit. Extract from boy scout literature under heading, "Fire Lighting" —"ln this test scouts should have used their heads." Dr. Grundy, an English medical man, ndvoeates the destruction of imbeciles. What Mrs. Grundy says about the matter is not known. Britain printed 1,000.000,00(1 Silver Jubilee postage stamps for two months' sale. Philatelists are eager to get samples of these rare issues. Apropos "meat conversations" in London, an American observer declares that if meat goes much higher it will have to be delivered in armoured trucks. Only a foreigner could have said that Lawrence of Arabia "possessed the cold violence of a conquistador." In reality, all our own soldiers are invariably saints. Apropos meat and other international subjects, hanged if these "Homies ,, in London are not saying, "Great Britain first." Who are these Britons, anyway? Large numbers of intending recruits for our local Navy have been rejected for having bad teeth. You see, they would be unable to put a bight in the bowline. An education authority declares that voting people should not hesitate to get married on six pounds a month. Young people are willing to, but where, will they get the six pounds? A celebrated and much-liked English cricketer says that New Zealand is a paradise. Tho only difference seems to be that the "gates" are not invariably as golden as they might be. Apropos piper fishing, on a recent day a man with a bit of string, a walking stick and wax matches for bait, caught a score of beauties. I trust the trawler owners will raise no objection. I regret to note that our reputation for kindly sharks which never, bito citizens has been fractured. A soldier has been bitten fatally in Wellington waters. This was in tho 'forties. One is hardly ever safe. Better accommodation for passenger liners is foreshadowed in Harbour Board policy. Tho demand of tho Amalgamated Piper Fishers for wharfside shelters during heavy weather is another possible problem. A sum of two thousand pounds is to bo available for acclimatisation societies for fish research. I notice nothing about funds to bo available to those who would be glad to buy this luxury in a sealand neck deep in fish. Tooley Street advisee that there will be an advance on the price of Xew Zealand butter to British eaters. May one hope that the butter barons will confer tho same blessing on New Zealand eater. ; of New Zealand butter? Yes? Thank you! A serious, writer jrieads for brighter jokes for the humour departments of the world's Press. It is thought that by spending a few million pounds among absent-minded professors this object might be achieved. Plumbers will also be approached. . A southern gentleman, spotting a nice young wapiti, refrained from shooting it in order to permit it to grow a better "head." When it is large enough he will go out and kill it. And I understand fi«horinen often throw mere flappers back into the water. Two enormous blow lamps wore roaring outside the window, the sound accompanied by a couple of mortar mixers going at top. My hard-of-hcariiig companion halted in his work. "Hello!" he said, "there is a loudspeaker—must have tuned in to Chicago!"