A SEA SORT OF STORY.

Auckland Star, Volume LXII, Issue 102, 2 May 1931, Page 3 (Supplement)

A SEA SORT OF STORY.

(By NORMAN HUNTER.) The good ship Hoopsadaisy was ploughing her way through a rather watery sort of sea with a cargo of boxes of tools and sacks of cakecrumbs for the Izitwazit Islands. The engines were going chug-a-chug, just as they were supposed to go. Just the right amount of smoke was coming out of the funnel. The crew was playing noughts and crosses abaft the what's-its-name, the first mate trying to trail his hand in the water, but couldn't reach, and the captain, was in his cabin pressing seaweed in an old postcard album. "I'm glad I'm a sea captain," he said, pressing the last bit of seaweed and popping a bulls-eye into his mouth, his fifth that day. "I can steer the ship whenever I like. I can order the crew up the masts and round the deck and down below and up above, everywhere except down the funnels, and I never want to order them there, anyway. I wouldn't be anything but a sea captain except, perhaps, a man looking after a sweets shop." He crunched up the bulls-eye and had up another one. But that was all right while the sea stopped nice and calm. Only sometimes it didn't stop like that, and it was just going to be one of those times in a minute, only the captain didn't know, because his barometer nad stopped. "Gaw, caw," said a couple of seagulls, who' had been playing "higher and higher" on the yardarm, and turning round three times, they flew off in the direction of land, wherever that was. Instantly the crew stopped playing noughts and crosses, right in the middle of a game, and just as the bo'sun had nearly got three crosses in a line. '"Whenna de gulls leava da shippa the storma he comma da quick," cried the assistant bo'sun, who was slightly foreign, and simply brimming over with bits of sea lore like that. "Ooer;" said the first mate, stopping trying to dip his hand in the water and getting all ready to give some orders as soon as he could think of any. Then there began to be some rather rough sea and a little thunder and lightning. "Vast heaving upsail mainsail shortsail longsail belay there and hoist the scuppers," cried the first mate, and the crew rushed off to do all those things, while the mate rushed in to find the captain.

"Seagulls have left ship, storm coming,- -what shall do?" panted the mate. "Have bulls-eye," said the captain, who was always cool in. the face; of danger. And he had one himself. Then, taking a telescope each, they both went up on the bridge just in time to see the scuppers being hoisted up the wrong mast. "Ahoy, there," bawled the captain,, looking through the wrong end of the telescope, and wondering why everything looked so far off. "Drop those scuppers and get started splicing the übblegubblegogapopp"—at least, that's wlrat it Bounded like, only probably he meant something different. You never can tell What anything means at sea. Then the storm got worse. Thunder tfanndered and lightning flashed about. The Hoopsadaisy hoopsed more daisies than she's ever hoopsed since she left dock, and one of the crew fell down the funnel, although nobody had told him to, so he had to- climb out again and go and have a wash. Splash a woosh bong bong, thumpetty splosh went tlie storm. Waves washed Over the side and made the cake crumbs all wet. The crew rushed about all over the piaoe slipping over on things, and climbing up things wrong way round, and doing the most un-nautical things, while the captain and the mate both grabbed the same telescope and looked in at opposite ends of it. Spray flew about. Sailors flew about. Bits of rigging got all tangled up. Two boats were lowered by mistake and had to be hoisted back again. Then the first mate was seasick. It was awful. And U P and down and up and down went the ship, till the captain thought she would sink any moment, but she didn't. Then all of a sudden it struck halfPast five bells, and Father Neptune Popped up out of the sea in front of them a nd the dog watch nearly barked at him. "Belay there hard a starboard," shouted the captain, and the man at the wheel got so flurried he couldn't remember which way starboard was, so h e put the wheel hard a something, and the *hip started going round in circles, and the engineer came rushing up on. deck to be all ready to dive over in case it was a shipwreck. "Ahoy ahoy ahoy and belay moflt frightfully hoy," screamed the captain, who wasn't cool any more, 'cos he'd eaten

all his bulls-eyes, and dropping the telescope down the forward rnizzen, where it got stuck and fouled the donkey hatch, he rushed to the back of the ship, forgetting that it oirght to be called the stern, grabbed the wheel, put the brake on, and stopped the ship. "Sorry to trouble you, gentlemen," said Father Neptune, coming up alongside. "Oh, stop the storm, stop the storm," cried the captain and the crew all at once. "What I wanfed to see you about," went on Neptune, taking 110 notice, while the ship went up and down more than ever, "was to ask you to let me have a couple of those cases of tools. I'm building a bungalow, and it's so awkward with only a couple of swordfish or so." "Stop the storm, stop the storm," cried the captain arid the crew all together again, but not very much in tune. "Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Neptune. "That's only a few of my whales playing leap. frog. Still, if ifc causes you discomfort, it, shall stop. Just let me have those cevses of tools." "Give him two cases of tools," gasped the captain, with his mouth full of sea, where a wave had splashed liim, "and some sacks of cakecrumbs, too, and half a dozen binnacles as well if he wants them. Anything to get this storm stopped." But Neptune said he only wanted the tools, and thanked him very much. So an octopus came up and took the cases of tools, one under eacn Tour arms, and, raising his crown, Jfeptune popped under the sea again and stopped the whales playing, which made it calm again. Then the first mate felt better and had a cup of cocoa. The captain had two chocolate creams at once as there were no bulls-eyes left, and was glad ho was a captain again, and tho crew went on with their game of noughts and crosses, but the bo'sun didn't get his three crosses in a row after all. When they reached the Izitwazit Islands nobody would believe about Father Neptune, and they got in a spot of trouble about the two cases of tools they'd given him. "Well, it stopped the storm, so I didn't care," said the captain, and he and the mate went off to go 011 some roundabouts.