THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LXI, Issue 201, 26 August 1930, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

When Verdun defenders were holding the Germans off in 191G they were alleged to have said, "They eliall not pass." Many Auckland tram travellers are liKe THEY SHALL that without the same NOT PASS, excuse. An ardent tram traveller complains to M.A.T. (who.is not an ardent tram traveller, "oin", so to speak, en trottoir) that there is a footballing sense among these stalwart sitters. One finds, says lie, that if one sees a scat for two the one occupier does his best to occupv the whole of it, making it necessary for number two passenger to squeeze himself in most uncomfortably. It is, he things, the exemplification of that independence so dear to us. A duke, said lie, if by any chance he sat in a tram seat, would instantly up to accommodate his lesser brothei. ihe ernor-General, if standing in a train aisle and in the way of someone else, would instantly move to accommodate the strap-hanger,-but the world's greatest footballers will stand like rocks to demonstrate that there is nothing feeble about them. Ho has noticed plethoric passengers sitting like bags of sand in threeparts of a seat, squeezing small women on to the arm and obviously rejoicing m the ability to bring discomfort into someone else s lite. The complainant thinks perhaps that if 1 .lies for the manners of travellers by tram, tram or bus were hung up they might do some good. Makes a fellow laugh! He has seen that notice about smoking.

Cricket is so incorporated in the warp and woof of the Australian that he lives matches and particularly Test matches ball by ball. Federal Parliament praoHYMN NO. 210. tically suspends itself to listen to the solemn tidings. People spend sleepless nights, their strained cars listening to the air. Re'eaeed prisoners rush from gaol gates to the news; paper telegraph boards, or seize yelling newsboys. People from the sea, having only heard the last radio news half an hour ago, rush up the street to hear the very latest, and serious clergymen of various denominations actually announce results from their places in church. A friendly clergyman makes an excellent suggestion regarding this last evidence of universal interest. "You know," said he, "that in almost all churches the numbers of the hymns to be sung are shown in a frame so that congregations as well as the choirs may easily see. These numbers are changeable as occasion demands. Why should not the numbers of the hymns indicate the last known state of the prevailing cricket score? Thus the hymns appointed for the service might be numbers 434, 4 and 210, meaning that the present Australian score is 434, that four wickets are down and that the last man in has made 210. The congregation would tumble to the fact that the last hymn was Bradman and look him up in "Hymns A and M."

Dear M.A.T., —The visitors had arrived and were enjoying a very pleasant evening when the small daughter of the hostess suggested a game of "Snakes

VICE VERSA,

and Ladders." She was

rather baffled, however, as there were five people present and the game only provided for four players. One of the guests suggested that the two men should

play dominoes and the rest of the party "Snakes and Ladders," or vice, versa. The little girl replied, "We haven't get vice versa. We've only got ludo, dominoes and 'Snakes and Ladders.'" And she wondered why everyone laughed!—McG.

Although we are a serious people and are in many ways the pink of propriety, preserving the divisions of society as our fathers did

before us, there is at THIS FREEDOM, times a refreshing aban-

donment of form and a recognition that Jack is tlie pal of his master. In the House during the notable evening on which the Premier farewelled the House and the House farewelled the Premier there had previously been tlio party bicker that is the chief feature of all politics everywhere. Thereafter the sword was sheathed, the hatchet buried, the truce arranged, the white flag run up, man being a man for a' that. Across the floor of a smiling and happy House there came the voice of Ted Howard, Labour member, "Don't blush, George!" The Premier's massive face beamed. He liked it. It was in its way the same kind of a democratic tribute as "Good old Dick!" and nobody wants to be told who Dick was. A friend says that this kind of thing couldn't have been done with some New Zealand Premiers. Nobody ever called out "Good luck, George!" to the great Pro-Consul Grey, and few people remember the Christian names of the majority of the Premiers. Going deeper who could imagine anyone calling Gladstone "Bill" across the floor of the House of Commons, or referring to Baldwin as "Stan," or Bright as "Jack," or Balfour as "Artie"? Yet we remember the greatest of-our own as plain "Dick." We really are a bit democratic once a year or so.

A much-travelled Aucklander told the following story at a mid-day eat. He brought it back from a larger land, although perhaps it may have preceded HIS OWN COUNTRY, him by cablegram or other means. The men in the smoking cabin were severally boasting about their respective countries, and the immediate war was between the American man from U.S.A. and the Australian man from the Commonwealth. The. Australian said, "If Australia had a better class of immigrant and a larger rainfall it would be the finest country in the world." "Yes, like hell!" said the American. Then Mr. Cornstalk retorted, lhat's right! Every man to his own country!"

It will have been noticed in the joyous paeans of printing regarding the birth of a baby to the Duchess of York that th<j people of the great Glamis estate FAIL ALE. served out beor in pails and drank the health of the new princess again and again. It is clear that the reprehensible habits of Imcolics in Britain have not been wholly eliminated by the piescncc in the-United Kingdom of several .New Zealauders, but ono sincerely trusts that no New Zealandcr was present at this the latest of the long line of orgies with beer for a basis which have taken place at castles since: the dawn of our history. It seems to one that instead of pails of ale the bucolics might have been laved with paite of pink lemonade, buckets of pop, jugs of nice tea or baths of coffee extract. A princess can be born to the sound of a cascade of ginger ale as well as to the trickle of Scottish be°er. In Glamis 0110 1S surprised and disappointed with DON ! .-Dear M A.T — Having a snooze in front of the fire after tea last night I was awakened by a motor car across the road making an infernal noise trying to start. I didn't recognise it at first and asked what the noise was. Keg. (<J) promptly replied, "Bradrnan hitting another boundary!"—T.J. THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. We stamp our own values upon ourselves, and cannot expect to pass for more.—Anon. * * * It's the things one learns for oneself— whether they are about life or old china—that are the most valuable.—W. .J. Locke. * * * that we.