THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 39, 15 February 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) I History repeats itself. In the recent ; tactical exercise on Red Beach and in its vicinity it is mentioned that a soldier wa» temporarily delayed by a WOOFIT. wire fence so as to be virtually left at the mercy of the enemy, who, if he had had the fence under fire, might have sniped him. An equally hilarious instance occurred in the reign of good Queen Victoria during a nasty spat between two nations. The local Woont was a farm under fire from both the enemy and his quarrv, and a spotless colonial colonel, shining like a new shilling, and hung with haversacks, field glasses and brown field boots, had essayed a barbedwire fence. Some of his gear caught in the wire, and, except for his voice, he was as idle as a. painted ship upon a painted ocean. His fellow officers and the men were far too interested in the quarry to bother about him, and he remained amidst the splashes of lead for quite a while. Despite the leaden hail, he was not hit, and he was a very furious colonel indeed when some giggling" Australians, the little war being done, cut him free. The story with very cruel trimmings got into colonial papers, and the colonel brought his celebrated siction, recovering some hundreds of pound*. The story is retold here in proof of the assertion that human laughter is invariably the outcome of some other fellow's misfortune. It's awfully funny for the other fellow to be hung up in a barbed-wire fence under rifle fire.

The "Star" par mentioning that in the south a wheat farmer reaps the crop by stripping the heads brings back to the memory of an Aussie who has lived I STRIPPERS. in the great Australian wheat belts days of long ago. The box stripper then drawn'by horses was a machine with a long line of combs which, running in the crop, .pulled the heads off, which were drawn into the great box and threshed with a revolving drum, emptied in great heaps and put through the winnower. The Aussie mentions that for perpetual motion the work of the man on the winnower was the last word. In his day the hours were from dawn to dark and the wages one pound per week and salt junk. The possibility of stripping in the south of New Zealand infers extreme dry weather, for a crop will not strip even in Australia until the sun has been up for an hour or two, the stalks being too tou<rh After a sixteen-hour day both the stalks and the men are brittle. The Australian wheat cocky, needing much labour for a short season during harvest time, makes just the same provision for the men as a citizen makes for a. stray dog with fleas, and the stripper being roomy the hands usually sleep in it. There is a yarn of an Australian wheat cocky hitchin" n.s team of four in while yet the inhabitants of the stripper slept. Stripping means that tens of thousands of acres of straw are left Ihe cocky puts a match to the straw. One of the memories of the man who turned the n l I*° tY l e Avinnowe r for many a season is that the whole of the harvesters invariablv suffered with nose bleeding, for the long, wicked day was full of minute dust. Nowadays the machine does the whole business—strip* threshes, winnows and bags—and dead-and-ffone wmnowmg hands look over the lip of heaven and shout hoorav.

"iou may have noticed that in the recent local and extra-local discussions on the need tor greater wheeled speed that the hated

STFP nw tt W ° rd "P edest rian" is not J»TEP ON IT. 6nce used. We petty men . , . walking under the* huge legs of transport authorities are expected to applaud the new regulation which limits the speed on Grafton Bridge to twenty miles per hour an authority saying it ia a safe speed— for the motorist. It should lead to some interesting sprints between gammy men hobbling along to the hospital and ungammy motori doing twenty. If the gammy men don't like it that s their funeral, and anvhow, the authorities don't intend netting the" bridge to stop pedestrians throwing themselves intS the gully. We motorists are promised better times even than that, for we have an authority saying buper-elevation should be provided to carry heavy traffic at corners at fortv-five miles per hour." One ha s seen a woman "with twins in a double go-cart doing from kerb to kerb at a corner at a less speed thau that. Puttinthe watcli on an octogenarian (soon to reach his super-elevation, one expects), he failed to make thirty over a measured chain. It seems extremely foolish, however, to mention the hh? SEmi - !; ?° authorit r mentions him. Officially he has no existence.

A grateful country looked with the most touching affection on the late Sir James W Gardner, the oldest sitting member of the WHAT'S vniTPe) ?°"j e ?" . Commons - for WHA.TS YOURS? besides being a nice old i gentleman he was a «*ood brewer. Other famous men are worshipped, too There U A. P. Chapman, captain of the tnghsh cricket team. X o one is more popular Hβ is a brewer bless him. Jack White, the cricketer who P lay s for England and is a Somerset County man, is immensely popular Hβ is a brewer. There is a tremendously long list of dear, good chaps who are brewers, and cunously enough, although it is a proud pro-' OneTf'th \ r ZV f U ° ften ioke «?ainst P it. One of the kindliest men in New Zealand was entertained by fellow citizens once. Out of compliment -to him the hosts provided him with a bottle of his own brew, for he was ™ brewer. "Thank you, no!" he said wth I \n?t »Tf * ne 7r e tou <* *'■ I know what's in it. It was old Sir James above mentioned who used to tell the story of the lad who had *Frh*» ™ th ™W°»rs. -Aye some jam, fcrb? said the housewife. <X O fanks," he said, "I works in the factorv."

The recent adventures of a Xapior swimmw with an octopus should be a warning to careless swimmers. Hβ felt the clinging \enTHE wonwn taC ! eS , rOUnd his ank,es - THE WOUND. and knowing that while u , , , there's life there's hone he struggled towards the shore. There here moved the lower portion of his bathin* t o «e which had impeded his motions. TWe £ a more serious story. The noted colonial scout had located the enemy. He turned his horse to gallop out and to report. As he did so enemy riflemen opened briskly. If O nlv he Sact' re HeS ° Wn He A*. S^n ? \t numbness - Ha, he had been hit! Only another mile to go. He nut h£ hand over the wound and feft the life blood oozing from it. He saw his comrades wiE a few hundred yards watering horses and ~al toped wildly up. "I'm hit! I'm hit!" he cried <™L ™ d + 7 ly Hft ! d him from his ££ \Vhere?" they cried. "Here," he irroaneH *Zi placed his hand on the spot. out of your water bottle," they said.

THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. •„„ Be / OUrSel f;, ssm .P le ' honest a "d unpretendS' w y°, u , w »" enjoy through life the respect and love of friends.—Sherman •• ' . The most manifest sign of wisdom i 8 continued cheerfulness.— Montaigne. Every man has in himself a continent of undiscovered character. Happy i s he who acts the his own soul.—Sir J. Stevens Our greatest ? lory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.—Gold- , ; ,-x,-r , 11H .1., H,o man do risht Ker Jhll " S hl H,ite 0I lhem -Coubon