THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LX, Issue 18, 22 January 1929, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.)

Dear M.A.T., —After seeing a paragraph in the "Star" cracking up a cabbage of 9Mb T am burning to tell the world about the exploits of my cabbage. MA PETITE CHOU. Like "little Toihmy Jones' and his sister Sues peach," it grew and it grew and it grew, until we cut it down in the flower,of its youth before it crowded everything else off the plot. When stripped of four rings of outer leaves and a small colony of baby cabbages— all eatable—this super vegetable measured twelve inches across either way and turned the scale at I'ilb, all sound and good to its heart's core. I issue a free invitation to any doubter to come and sec for himself several sisters of the dear departed in mv garden, growing "in beautv side by side.'' and all bidding fair to emulate the one that is gone.— C'uou. never, never, never. It is the proud boast of the Briton that he never boasts. We don't want to fight, but hjr Jinjro If we do We're jrot the shifts, we've got Ihe men, we've got the money, too. And in the same humble spirit: Thejr ne'er see our ships but they wish us away. We ne'er see them hot we wish them to stay. Heart* of oak (a»l lib.) We permit this spirit of humility to cre?peven into leading articles, and this is probahly what induced Mark Twain to make his ini* mortal dicttlm: "The English arc mentioned in the Bible; for the meek shall inherit the earth." Here before one is an article on the American Xavv, the object of some British articles on the American Xavy being to object to the American Navy being as strong as the British Xavy. This particular leading article, however, is unnble to see why an exceedingly populous and puwerfili nation should not place herself on an equality with us. But the article adds with the humility above mentioned "to those who have always been accustomed to consider Britain's supremacy one of the axioms of life and have sung 'Britannia Rtlles- the Waves' with appropriate enthusiasm such a claim may sound hostile and menacing." The writer, like most of us, has no doubt that Britannia rules the waves, when as a matter of fact the man who wrote the celebrated song was only spurring the British Xavy to rule the waves. And what he actually said was this: "Rule, Britannia, Britannia rule the waves." He sort of gives us an invitation to rule it, spurs us on, says, in effect, that th-3 waves are there to be ruled and that we oupht to have a stab at it. Xow, all together, "Brlt-ons never, never, ncvah !**

The question still'is, shall we jettison our ham collars, destroy our waistcoats, throw our singlets to the dogs and incinerate our sockst Not on your life! DOG DAYS If you will turn up the DEBATE. Auckland files for the past sixty years you will find that whenever there has been a bit of summer weather the intrepid wearer of two stone of clothing has commanded his brethren to wear island whites or Indian silk. But the dog days don't last. The debate will die down just as soon as a southerly buster blows up. Not only is the stifled Aucklander not going to do anything of the kind, but he is still going to laugh at the stray tourist or Anglo-Indian or island wallah who decorates the scorching scenery with a solar topee, or is seeh in a puggaree or a pith helmet, or one hat on top of another—as in Ceylon. "Seen the bloke in the ice cream suit?" will be the cry the moment anyone is observed to be cooler than usual. M.A.T. knows a dear man who perfectly agrees with this more sensible clothes suggestion. He came in this morning wearing a small butterfly tie instead of the broad end variety. He thinks it will cool his brisket. Another man wa« observed absolutely naked except for a full suit, shirt, singlet and etceteras —but no collar or tie. He was so ashamed of his nakedness that he kept his hand over the top opening of his waistcoat and perspired awfully running to the first men's wear shop to rectify this dreadful bareness.

Aucklanders have not jot this season smelt gum leaves burning! in Australia mid wafted across the ocean, although this phenomenon was noted last rear. THE FIRE. Magnificent and appalling as a New Zealand bush fire in hip timber is. none who has not seen a eucalyptus forest fire can conceive its ravening ferocity. The fire leaps from tree lo tree and races faster than an aeroplane, licking up homesteads in xmssing. Man and every other kind of animal flees. One of the most remarkable sights in gum tree country is to see opossums leaping from the tops of giant burning trees (if one has a moment to spare to witch them). Curious, too, that tree animals rarely kill themselves in jumping, scuttering along at breakneck pace. But Nature, ever cruel, directs the freed 'possum to the nearest hollow log, so that he gets burnt to death anyway. One memorable mallee scrub fire swept hundreds of thousands of acres and was incidentally heading for a kangaroo hunters' camp one wots of. The four men threw what goods they could collect on a buggy and drove away, reaching a large salt lake four miles distant. They ramped in the centre and watched the terrible fire, and, incidentally, the spot where their camp lav and where their eighteen dogs were tied up. That evening, when the fire had passed, leaving an enormous swathe of black country, thev picked their way back. Providence 'doesn't care twopence, but as it happened the camp waft absolutely untouched. As for the dog*, poor beggars, they all lay for dead on their chains. But they were not dead. Bv the time each had been copiously drenched with water from a "native well," they all sat up and took nourishment. Next day they were fit to chase kanghroos, but the fire had left no kan**aroo3 to chase. °

Oh to be Young and have dreams, strong legs and determination! M.A.T. has just heard of some young fellows who love a sunbath. Apparently the sun over Auckland isn't SUNFLOWERS, the proper kind of sun. So it is their custom to travel a little way 011 the railwav, break off and tramp nine miles hatless over the hilla and to lie on the sandhills in a state of nature, where the sun can get at them appropriately all day Sundav. If they achieve complete sunburn necessitating the application of unguents they stagger back to town with scorched anatomy and perfect content and proudly exhibit their peeled noses to admiring shade lovers. There is the other kind of sun worshipper, too. He went away for his fortnight holiday and returned to his place of business. He was brown as a berrr. "My word, Bill," said his friends, "vou are brown. Been awav to the seaside?" "Xot on your life, said Bill. "I've been campin<* on the roof of the flats where I live. Sat There reading a book till lunch time everv davj luneh. sat there till dinner time; dinner, nice cool hour or two on the roof in the evening supper, bed. Can't beat it; no bother, no lieaches. no crowded buses, cars, trams trains or ferries Boncer! Feel as fit as a fiddle.' Where's that bally ledger?" THOUGHTS FOR TO-DAY. Old age plants more wrinkles in the mind than in the face.—Montaigne. • • • Xothing so much hinders being natural as the longing to appear so.—La Rochefoucauld. • • • Persistent kindness conquers those who arc evilly disposed.—Seneca.