MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume 55, Issue 22, 26 January 1924, Page 18

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Taxi Driver: Tlave you noticed peot_ are getting a bit ugly-tempered latelvS Passenger: "Yes; that las.\ chap"« knocked over gave us a dktinitly na_t_ look." «i "When I was your age," th. good old lady said, "I never thought of comi__ home after midnight." "Neither dol" the sweet girl replied, "at least not tifl a good while after." "Need any more talent for your mor* ing picture draniaa?" "We _ji g _t you. Had any experience at acting without audiences?" "Acting without audiences is what brought mc here." ' The learned man also recalls thai recently a tribe of South Sea Island cannibals killed all but one of a partf of explorers. The one spared had n& hair, which the primitive mind took for a symbol of extraordinary power. Per. haps they didn't like carrots' wiU lunch. The tourist in Scotland met a taH, comely young woman, who walked barefooted. Surprised, the traveller stobped and inquired: "Do all the people about here go barefoot?" "Some of them do,» she said,_ "and the rest mind their ovra business." , .J Robust little girl of five, just hefor* starting for her first day at a kindergarten: "Mumsey, dear, please cut my fingernails." "Is it so very important now, dear?" "Yes, mumsey, y ou se _ I shall probably have to punch som. of the other little girls, and I don'l want to scratch them." Servant, returned from an errand. "Please ma'am, I couldn't get it. J__j. tress: "Get what." "They said they didn't keep it, ma'am." Keep what?* "What you told mc to fetch, m-au." "What was that?" "Dunno, maan_ 1 forgot." Eric was very proud of the ___■ keeping qualities of his new watch. Just after four the other afternoon he ru_«| indoors, watch in hand. "What timi does the sun set, father?" ho asked, "About a quarter past four," was t_t reply. "Well," said Eric, consulting fail watch, "if it doesn't hurry up it will hi late." At one of the golf clubs a young woman who is very popular with the caddies arranged a match with an elderly woman who flatters herself that she can play. The young woman, an excellent golfer, wished to lose the game out of courtesy and for social reasons, but her opponent was in her worst form, and it seemed impossible to keep from winning; Finally she whispered to her caddy that she wanted to lose. "Ah, Miss," he said, "I didn't know that. Here I've been stamping on he» ball every time it got in the long grass.''

At a Cock ana Hen Club. One woman player to another: "PIfASJ hold up jour cards. I can see them. "That's nothing," was the reply. "1 have seen yours the whole afternooa anq never said" a word." Cheek. ■Miss 8., hearing a loud rapping << the counter of her shop, went in and sn( a small boy waiting. "Well, sonny, what is it?" said sh+ "Please, miss, will you turn the comt in the window I've read this side." A Ready Answer. "This, madam," purred the shopman "is all wool." "Then why," said the prospective cue tomer, looking closely at the very small print on the label, ""is it called cottontf "That, madam," answered the shop man, "is to deceive the moths." A Start. Auctioneer: "I've a valuable old an tique candlestick, who'll give mc i start? " Voice from crowd: "Fourper.ce." Auctioneer: " What: " and liis glassa fell off.' Voice. ".}h. I thoug-ht that -would you a start.' . The Other Boot. Half-way through the candidate") speech an infant iv arms at the bacs of the hail burst into loud wailing. "It's all right,' , said the candidate regardful of the women's vote, "the dea) child docs not disturb mc." "No, sir," replied the mother, "iy don't disturb you: its you as disturb* "im." Ho Fear. "See," said the poetic youth, "how thi chill hand of winter is at the throat d nature. The trees, frozen within a cat ing of snow, dumbly cry for mercy ti the cold north wind. Come, tell mc docs it not throw a pall of unhappines about your soul vvheu you see that win ter is here? " "No fear,' , answered the up-to-dab maid, "yuu see, Jad is in the coai business." Saw Throught It. "Father,'' said the student, "I f" 1 to talk to you about changing my cours of study." "Talk to your mother, son," directed the father, who was reading the paper "Mother. ■' -:«id the son, "1 made | mistake when I selected chemistry. Bu it is not to.. L.tf to change, ye« I want to take astronomy, instead." The mothor searched the eves of h<l son sharply. Then she said: "No! Vo»1 have to think of soma Letter excuse f<l staying out at night:' , _ ,