MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XLI, Issue 143, 18 June 1910, Page 12

MERRIER MOMENTS.

DEAD CHEAP. » Jinks: I saw something cheap at a. winter sale to-day. Binka: What "was it? Jinks: A man waiting for his wife. "SUNNY PONSONBY." "Do you pay your servants ly the week or by the month?" "Mercy! How long do you think they stay with U3? We have to pay them by the hour!" AN IABTIST. Rival: "What a colour Miss Smythe has to-night! I wonder if she paints?" Adorer (turning his wistful eyes towards the central figure of an admiring circle): "I don't know. She certainly draws welL" BETTER YET. Kck: "If you'll give mc a penny, 1 will show you the nearest way to the town." Tourist: "Good, my boy! Here it i 3." Dick: "And if you. give mc another penny I will show you a nearer way." In T-L>i;=>tr ■-•'.•; •; : . ..:> . . THK LINE OF- ARGUMENT. "Father," said little Rollo, "what is the Arctic Circle?" "The Artie Circle, my son, is an imagin. ary line bounding a large area of uncorroborated evidence." NEVER KNOW TILL WE LOSE IWI. "She had a good husband," said Mrs. Babble ten. "But she got a divorce from him." "Yes, she didn't know what a good husband he was till she saw how generously he behaved about the alimony." HE KNEW HE WAS DEAD. Poet's Wife: "My husband read this poem at a. public celebration before thousands of people. .Aks, it was the last poem he ever wrote." Publisher: " I see. Did they stone him to death, or shoot him?" A BIBLICAL JOKE. "Huh!" said Uncle Eli. "Here'e a fel low states that there is not one joke ia the Bible. But what's the matter with this: 'And Jeremiah, the prophet, said, "Saddle mc the ass, and they saddled him!"'" WAITING FOR THE TTTT.T.. An Englishman hired an Irish cabby to get 'hhn to the train. The Irishman's horse was going very clow, and the Eng- : lishman stuck his head out of the cab window and said: "Whip_ him up. Give Tiim the gad. Hit hinTin a. vital spot." x "An' sure," said the cabby, 'I've hit him in every vital spot but the ears, and I I'm saving them for the hill."

EVERYWHERE. The bee is like a man. All up And down the world he beil* itj i He gathers honey all his life—> : Some other fellow eats it. WHEN. WOMEN BUN UHL Friend: So your-detective forte ia'\" failure? Chief Emma: Yes; we can't find knj* one who is Trilling to be a pl»incloth« ■woman. STRICTLY FIRST CLASS. I see you're staying at a strictly firrt class' hotel anyhow. How do you fed the accommodations t . Accommodations? There aren't u^,V Everything I get is a concession.. 'A MTJCB-MARBIED LADY. *1 'want a license to many the best girl in the ■world," said the young man. . "Sure," commented the, clerk, "th«t- ■ makes 1300 licenses for that girl this , b season." THE RECTOR KNEW. " "Mr..Grimes/ , said the lector to tke . vestryman, "we had better take up tie i collection before the sermon this" mvm* ling." "Indeed!" " Yes, Fm." going't» preach on the subject of economy." ; ON THE CONTRARY. Passer-by: "Why are you trying tf kfll that dog?" Policeman: "He's mad. 5 * i "How do you know he's madf j fc "He refused -water." i* ;•* "Bah! That's no sign." || ; ANYTHING EOT THAT* . "You're a liar and a thief and a scow drel!" "Anything else I" "1 can't think of anything ebe jmt now." "Thanks. I -was afraid jrou were gofcf •to cay I was stupid." BETTER TIMES COMING. lEnraged Creditor.—"l've tad enoiigS of mounting all these stairs every d»y, to collect the bilL" Debtor. —"Well, I can tell you a. pie* of new 3 that will please yon. After ta» morrow I'm going to live in the bat& meat." thkik WARNING. A deaf but pious lady visiting a small country town in Scotland went to chnrci armed with an ear-trumpet. The'ekta* had never seen one, and viewed it wit* suspicion- and uneasiness. After a short consultation one of them went to the , lady jnet before the opening of and, wagging his finger at her warningly,■whispered: "One toot andye're ootJ* .