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PERSONAL ANECDOTES., Auckland Star, Volume XL, Issue 0, 17 April 1909
. '"-'-'■ :THE ANGLER'S (SCAiLES. ■ When.. Grbver.Cleveland's 'eon' Eichard was born, his good, friend Joseph JefferIson drove"over to Gray "Gables to iyoiiy gratulate the father. . ' -, -...' •- • ■.•■■. :.• "How many pounds does the child vreigh?" askftd the rioted actor. ' was the reply. !■ . r - ■ £ . ."-.Nirie," said the-attending physician, who had just come in.-;" ■ .. Mr. Cleveland assured the doctor that he must be mistaken, "trie child weighs fifteen pounds," said He; '-'I. weighed him I myself with the Scales you and I usewhen we go fishing." A MASSIVE MEETING. Mr. Taft, the American President-elect, was, on one occasion, in consultation -with Senator , Penrose, of Pennsylvania. Mr. Taft is a mammoth, but the Senator is taller and weighs more than even the new President. Whilst these two statesmen were hi earnest conversation art aggressive politician endeavoured |o enter the room, but an alert secretary politely interfered; : " What are they doing in there?'* asked tlie politician Inquisitively. This impertinent question nettled' the secretary,, and he answered tersely!— "Holding"a mass meeting, I presume." WHAT IT MEANT TO BILL. Patrick Jones, New York's euperini tendent of school supplies, was talking at a dinner about corporal punishment. , "Corporal punishment in our schools is no more," he said, "and that is a good thing. Undeniably, though, many a boy showed wonderful pluck. "I remember a boy named Bill. Bill, brave fellow, wne doing miserably one day in a georiietry recitation. " 'Now sir,' said the schoolmaster savagely, 'for the last time, what is the square of the hypotenuse of a rightangle triangle equivalent to? , ■ "'lt's equivalent'to a lickin' fer mc, sir. There's the club/ said Bill." SPEAKING OF SLAVES. On a journey through the South not long agto, Wu Ting-fang (Chinese Ambassador to the United States) was impressed by the preponderance of negro labour in one of the cities he visited. Wherever the entertainment committee iled him* whether to factory, store, or suburban plantation, all the' hard Work seemed to be borne .by the black men. Minister Wu made no comment at the time, biit in the evening, when he was a spectator at a ball given in his honour, after watching the waltzing and twOeteppirig for half-nn-hour, he remarked to his host: "Why don't you make the negroes do that for you, toot" A WELSHMAN BY EXTRACTION. When ex-Lord Chancellor Halrimry. was leader of the South Wales Circuit 'he once fought desperately for to. certain public authority with his usual skill. What caused much amueemettt among hi» friends was the manner in which he unblushingly identified himself with the interests of the locality. One of the judges, at last, could' refrain no.longer, from remarking on this. ■• "Come," eaid he, with a smile, "you must not argue too much in that strain. You cannot make yourself out to be a Welshman, you kn6w." "Perhaps not, my lord," was the reply, "but I have mode a good deal of money out of Welshmen in my time." "Oh, in that ease," answered the judge, "we may call you a Welshman by extraction." WHY PIPERS WALK WHILE PLAYING. Mr. Andrew Carnegie is fond of the bagpipes, and when he is at home at Skibo Castle usually has his pet piper to pJay for him at dinner. Particularly is tiie musician In attendance when the great philanthropist has guests. Oh one occasion a big company ot men sat down to table and the piper pranced up and down the room as he played. • The whole thing was new to a French literary man, who politely asked the guest on his right: "Why does he walk up and down when he does this thing? Does it add to the volume of the sound, or does it make a cadence?" "No," eaid.'the other, "I don't think it's that. I fancy it's to prevent the listeners getting his range with a knife or a water-bottle." AN OKIGINAL. Nikola Tesla was talking about inventors. "The successful inventor," eaid Mr. "has an odd, quaint mind, a mind full of surprises l . Thus, Smethurst, I am convinced, was an inventor at -heart, though circumstances had made a grocer of him. "Smefchurst, during his seaside holiday, was seen upon the boardwalk with a large bottle under his arm. " 'Smefchurst,' said an acquaintance, 'what have you got in that bottle that I see you carrying about with you day and night?' : ." 'Chloroform.,' eaid Smethurst. " 'What the deuce are you doing with chloroform here on the boardwalk?' . " 'That big dub of a Jones,' eaid iSmetJiurst, 'has threatened to give mc a sound, thrashing the flret time he meets mc, and as soon ac I see him coming I'm going to take a good dose.' I don't propose to suffer if I can help it.'" A MAGISTRATE'S WILD OATS. In his memoirs. Mi - . Plowden, the ge* nial Magistrate at Marylebone (London), states that whilst at Oxford he once broke a lamp, was "held" in lodgings by the police, and managed to escape unobserved into College. Mr. W. B. Woodgate, author of. the reminiscences, and one of the chief actors in the incident, gives an amended account of the affair. Young Plowden had betted a supper with Glyn, of University College, now the respected Bishop of Peterborough, Upon' a boating result between their respective colleges. The embryonio bishop won, and the supper duly came off. Afterwards, oh the way back to rooms, Pibwderi declared at a certain church corner that there had never* been more than one lamp at the angle, and that he was .going to put out the other! He then climbed the lamp-post, and triei With his pot-hat to batter, in the glass, his stick -haying been taken away by his friends. This, also, M'fts snatched away, •but, nothiilg daunted, he took off a shoe, broke the glass, and put but the light, dropping; with 'ah awful; bump in 'the churchyard. It is interesting to learn that in those' days Mr. Plowden looked sweet and innocent, and was called "Baby." He iiiade quite a pretty girl, aiid took patt as a lady of the'harem in "Barefaced Impdstors," played before the Kirigand Queeii wlieii they visited Oxford in 1863.
PERSONAL ANECDOTES., Auckland Star, Volume XL, Issue 0, 17 April 1909
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