AN" ASSISTANCE. A good story is told of President Roosevelt's college days. On one occasion he was called upon to recite an old poem beginning: "At midnight, in his guarded tent, The Turk lay dreamln of the hour When Greece, her knee In suppllance bent, Should tremble at his power." He only got as far as the third line, when he began to hesitate, and then stopped. Twice he repeated, "Greece, her knee," and then stopped. The .old professor beamed on him over his glasses, and then dryly remarked, "Greece her knee once more, Theodore. Perhaps she'll go then." MAKIXG THE MOST OF IT. Hospitality in the Southern States of America is proverbially generous. In "The Old Dominion," Mr Thomas Kelson Page recounts an instance, which occurred before the Civil War, showing that this hospitality was not always appreciated.
A' guest asked the loan of a horse to carry him to his next stopping place, a town which lay at a considerable distance. The host accordingly lent him his horse, and sent along a negro boy to bring the horse back.
After several days the -boy was still missing, and some one was sent to hunt him up. The messenger found him at last, and demanded why he had not returned with the horse.
'"Cause that gent'man done sell de horse," was the reply.
"Well, why didn't you come back and say so?''
"Hi! He done sell mc, too," said the boy. MAKIXG UXCLE SAM'S WORD COOD. General Tom Edgar, the first white child born on Galveston Island (his birthday was in June, 1837), was returning to Galveston from Houston, where he had been an honoured guest at the dedication of a tablet placed on the site of tlie first Capitol of Texas, at Houston. We were seat-mates in the smoking car. He told many amusing stories of the early days. Among others, he narrated his experiences as a juror in the case of a negro on trial for stealing a mule. It was in' 1865 while United States soldiers were still in charge at Galveston. The negro pleaded not guilty, but the testimony was pretty clear against him. His lawyer, ignoring the testimony, based his defence upon the assertion that the negro could not possibly be guilty.
"Is it not a fact," he said "that the Federal Government promised to every freedman two mules and 60 acres of land? Xo man can deny it, because it is a fact. My client has not received his promised GO acres of land. He has not received his promised span of mules. He hes indeed got but one rcul», as these witnesses have testified, and the United States still owes him another mule and 60 acres of land. I leave it to you gentlemen." he said, turning to the jury, "if the facts do not prove conclusively that my client is not guilty of stealing this mule, and cannot, under the circumstances, have Been guilty." " That argument," said General Edgar, "tickled us so that we actually returned a verdict of not guilty. I don't believe the darky ever did get the other mule and the 60 acres, but we did all jwe could to make Uncle Sam's word good."—"Success 3fagazine." THE GOLDEX RULE. Kyrle Belleiv was pointing out to a fellow-actor the other day the value of the Golden Rule. "A young friend of mine," he said, ''fame home one day from school in a very bad humour. Another boy, Jack Jones, had given him a thrashing, and !he wanted revenge.
'"' Oh.' said his mother, ' don't think of revenge, Willie. Be kind to Jack. Heap coals of fire on his head. Then he will become your friend.'
"Willie thought he would try this method. He did not see Jack Jones till the next day at recess. Just as he was buying a cake for lunch, Jack appeared and said:
" ' Look here, I licked you yesterday, but I didn't give you enough. Now I'm going to lick you again.''
"And he planted a hard blow on Willies stomach. "Willie gasped and grunted, but instead of striking back, he extended his cake to Jones.^ " ' Here,' he said, in a kindly voice, 'I'll give you this. I make you a present of it.'
"Jack Jones, in glad amazement, fell upon the cake greedily, and it soon disappeared.
" ' Gosh, it was good,' he said. ' What did you give it to mc for?'
"' Because you struck me,' said the heaper of coals. "Instantly Jones hauled off and struck him again. Now go and get another cake,' he said." SPITTED AUTOMOBILIST. Prof. Koch, the famous investigator of sleeping sickness, said of an old-fashioned doctor at v musicale given by AndrewCarnegie in his honour in New York: —
"Yes, Dr. Blank's methods wore oldfashioned, prosy, pompous, nonsensical. You know at Heidelberg they tell a story about him—a story in" illustration of his way of working.
"A man. according to the story, fell over a cliff in an automobile, and a steel bar Bft long was run through his body, so that 3ft of the bar protruded from his stomach and 3ft from his back.
"Dr Blank was sent for. He looked at the spitted patient, and said:
"'Where is the complaint?" " 'It is in my stomach, sir.* was tho reply.
" 'How did it happen?' "The man explained the accident in detail. "'Humph!' said Dr. Blank. 'As to heredity, did any members of your family ever suffer a similar accident?' " 'N T o, sir, none,' the patient answered. " 'Very good,' said Dr. Blank. Tou see. we require a knowledge of all these details in order to form a correct diagnosis. So far, so good.'
"He looked at the patient thoughtfully.
" 'You find some difficulty in lying on your back?' he said.
" T can't lie on my back at all, sir.' " 'And T suppose you are no easier on the stomach ?' " 'Oh, no.' " 'In short.' said Dr. Blank, 'you are most comfortable on your side ?' " 'Yes, sir. That is the only position, to tell the truth, that I am ableto maintain.'
" 'Exactly,' said tbe doctor, in a triumphant voice. 'We have now only to settle.upon the treatment. Here is'fhe case in a nutshell: Either we leave the bar where it is, in which case inflammation will set in and you will probably die: 01 we extract it, an operation that is likely to prove fatal. Your into, sir, is ir your own hands. Please decide which course you will adopt.' " *
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