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Auckland Star, Volume XXVIII, Issue 276, 27 November 1897, Page 3 (Supplement)

Supplicant:'l'm faint from want of food.' Rich Old Lady (generously): 'How dreadful. Here, smell my salts.'

'Johnny, do you go to school?' 'Yes, sir.' 'I -suppose you admire your teacher?' 'Yes. sir.' 'Why?' "Cos she can wallop me with one hand/

Dear Friends.—Mrs A.: Do you think Mary Gilpert is as old as she looks?— Miss B.: My dear, she couldn't be!

Mrs Muddle (of the great Muddlehead family) cannot recollect what the striking cartoon of Raphael's was that she saw in Rome, but thinks it represents St. Paul preaching on the Asparagus. (Query: 'Areopagus?' No Doubt.—Tm really surprised at you, Nellie. I saw you just now with Mr Proster's arm round your waist. —'Why, mother, it would surprise me more if you saw his arm round some other, girl's waist.'

The Scotchman who joked at a funeral explained that he was only dissembling his grief. If the City Guardians intended merely to mask their commiseration by spending £1, 000 in refreshments they have succeeded fairly well.

She (after a lovers' quarrel): 'I suppose you want your presents back?' He: 'Ah, no. Keep them. If any of the fellows ask me about the presents I'll explain that they were fully paid for in hugs and kisses,* She: (on second thought): 'My dear, suppose we forget we have quarrelled and begin over again. 1