TABLE TALK.

Auckland Star, Volume XXVIII, Issue 206, 3 September 1897, Page 1

TABLE TALK.

Ootward mail tomorrow. i Fierce gale lastni^hfc. [■.. • ■.' ; R.M.s. Moana from Sydney today. ! " Held by the Enemy " ag'aia' to night.1 W. R. Waters has baeu sentenced to eighteen moatba' hard labour. Tho Swafcis aro said to be parre&dering their orniß on the Afghan frontier. The Ponsonby Nevala hold their annual dance in the Foresters' Hall, Newtoa, this evening. When a man considers himself as " one in a thousand," he naturally regards the others as ciphers. Uncle Bob, what ia a ' pedestrian ?"' "Why, he's the fellow who makes a row when a bicycle runs over him." Lazy California^ bar-tenders place tbe ingredients of a drink in a tumbler, and tben wait for an earthquake to mix them up. A meeting of the Council of the Auckland Chamber of Commerce was called for yesterday afternoon, fasifc lapaad foe want of a quorum. ~ . . " I saw a man today who had no hands play the piano." •• That's nothbg t We've go<j a girl down in our atreei) who has no voice and who sings." Constable Poland has been awarded a bronze medal of the Royal Ho«»ane Society of Australasia for rescuing Dr. Martin, of England, who fell into the harhonr. " Who is that young fellow?" "That* Jim Dowling, better known as 'Cannibal.'" "Why cannibal?" "His father is a retired missionary, and Jim lives on him." After come difficulty tbe Wellington team for the South has been completed, bub more than half of those originally picked cannot go, and ib will nob be a strong combination. At the Sapromo Court at Wellington W. F. Morris, a young lad, was convicted, of a criminal offence with bis sister, a child of less than ten. He was remanded for SGRtQHC-e. Some of the roadß about Waihi are in a bad condition. It took, the.ether day, nine horses to draw up a load of timber for flliming to be used at the Waihi Company's No. 2 fhaft. Mr A. Gilbert, New Zsaland manager of the Mutual Life Association of Australasia, has boen promoted to tha charge of tbe company's business at Home. He leaves next week. A French confectioner, proud of bia English, and wishing to let) his patron? know that their wants would be attended to at once without any delay, pat out the notice, "Short weights isere," Lady (eugaging housemaid): "We »r» all vogetarians, and should expect you to become' ODe. Have you any objection ?" Housemaid : " Wei), mum, it alldepends. Is beer a vegetable ?" Uncle: "Bobby, I suppose you've feeen a good libtle boy?" Bobby: ■ "No, I haven't." Uncle-: " Why, I hope you haven'b been .very bad." Bobby:" "Oh, no ; juet comfortable." 'Arry : "Wat kind of people do you have down here in : the season?" Old Salt: "Well, sir, all kinda; some worry common, some real gents an' ladies, an' come like yerself, «ir, 'alf-an'-alf." On Saturday and Sunday the river aft Paerca was level with the banks below the Junction. Some of the residents were • surrounded with"water, one'p<M#es«<&ii*b*-~i-Puka RoUd being cpmpietely-;eoyßr6d. Tho ChriHtchurch Cycling t'lub held their first annual hillciiinbisg competition yesterday on a coarse about 600 yards long. The resultß are : F. Holmes, 1 ; T. Clarksou, 2; W. Clarkson, 3. Time, 2min 18sec. Mr Hoeligan : '' Shure, 'tis a moighky convenient arrasjjsrcenfc living in wan ap&rtpaent, Mr Finuc&ne,. Woi, whia Ci , want to go from the dbrawing-room to the shtudio or the kitchen, Oi just stay where Oi am." * There are 250,000 words ia the English language, and dqos'u of thorn were used oa Sunday by a woman who discovered after coming out of church that her brand new hat vas adorned with a tag. on. which WSS written, " Reduced to 63 llfd. Tha Supreme Court at Wellington ia now engaged upon casaa brought under jho law relating to tbe age of consent. The Chief Jußtice made sonae severe remarks! upon mothers ollowing young girls to roam the streets in the way ehown by the evidenco. " How long ia it going to take to get through with tha case?" &aked the glienb who was under suspicion of housebr<3utiing. " Well," replied the young lawyer, though?fully, " it'll take me abeut twe weeks to ges through with it, but I'm afraid it's going to take you about four years." Under a spreading chestnut tree Tha village sßJiihy stai.ds: Tlte smith a loneiy mau is he. With large but useless hands. His trade was sood ia former years At shoeing horses'heel*; He has uot learned, it new appears. To mend the broken wheels. Mr A. Lipssy, the To Aroha crack sprinter, was presented the other eveoing with the medal which he won in connection with the 75 yards' handicap race amonusb members of the Te Aroha Football Club. Starting seven yard 6 b«hind scratch he won a splendidly contested race with tome&hing to spare. At a meeting of creditors in the estate .of . X H. Bell, BtoVeleepor, of Whangarei, held yesterday afternoon it was resolved to act on the advice of tbe Crown Solicitor, Mr-.J, A. Tpl<?, and closely examine" tie bankrupt wl»«» he comeß up for discharge, that an exhaustive report be made and thai opposition bo raised to the bankrupt's discharge. The "Northern Luminary" says :— "On the 16th ulto. Mr H. Powell was sepnrating two pigs that were fighting at Mr Fleet's, whec one bit him savagely through the middle finger of the right, hand. Dr. Carolan tried to save the ji)in4,<but laorcification setting in subsequently it was found necessary to amputate. Tho unfortunate sufierer is progreaaiag favourably." A little bronze homer pigeon only two moaths old, belonging to Wr H. Lowe, of the Thames, performed a singular feat tho other day. It had jusb been sold by Mr S. H. Howie, of Newton Road, Auckland, to Mr Lowe, and escaping from its owner at the Thames it made its way back to AuckUnd arriving here nfter a trip of eigbb or ten days, lb reached Mr Howie's i.oft the ether morning, and soon afterwards died ot exhaustion.