Sonic Consequences of Free Trade.

Auckland Star, Volume XXVI, Issue 85, 18 April 1885, Page 5

Sonic Consequences of Free Trade.

A si'EAkER in tho Kensington Amateur Parliament recently introduced in his speech the following amusing skit: —Yesterday morning I rose early; my hot water was brought in a Belgiun zinc jug, and, as is my wont, 1 worked half-an-hour in my garden with a Belgian fork and an American hoc. I then took off my french boots, put on a pair of Algerian slippers, and went into breakfast, which consisted of bread made from Odessa wheat, Normandy butter, Russian chicken grilled, American bacon, French eggs (poached), Mocha coffee, and Swiss milk. Comparing my Geneva watch with tho American clock, I found it was time to set forth ; so I put some American tobacco into a French pipe, and, having lighted it with a .Swedish match, I went to the railway-station, wit i its Belgian iron framework, from which a German engine drew mo to tho City ovor rails made in Belgium. Hero I worked for four hours with an American stylographic pen, and then went to luncheon—American wheat bread, butterine from Canada, Australian mutton, Swiss cheese, Vienna beer. Tlie knives were American, and tho waiter was a Swiss. I consolod myself with a Havana cigar, and continued my toil. In the meantime I dispatched a box to a friend, closing it down with French nails, fl_d further securing same with Russian cordage. My friend was advised on Belgian paper. Through stopping I found I had lost a button, which was promptly replaced by a Dutch one. At seven I prepared for dinner by drinking half a glass of Spanish sherry with Dutch bitters. My dinner was made up of Portugal oysters and Chablis', consomme soup (which came in a powder from France), tinned entrees (from the same country). Norwegian hare, Swedish blackcock, American beef, and Belgian potatoes, Italian cheese, and French wine. A trifle of Chartreuse and a Manilla cheroot followed, and a cup of East Indian coffee brightened me for my journey home. Arrived there, I entered by opening an American lock, which was on a Swedish door. To please my wife I bought her a box of Dutch confectionery and a French straw bonnet, and for my little girl a German toy. Here I found my wife playing German music on a French piano, with a French shade on tho lamp. I took out my Italian violoncello, and having applied some tine French resin to my new Leipsic bow, played for some time with her. Abruptly breaking off, I told her my adventures during the day in much tho same language as above. She grew excited (being a Fair Trader), and assured mo that though men might havo such experience, the case was different with women. I replied by reminding her that she got her bonnets, silk for dresses, trim-mino-s, ribbons, lace, gloves, boots, and most of her clothes from France, mantles from Germany, her hair from Russia, and her teeth from America. We got to high words, so, putting on my French boots and f loves, seizing my Malacca cane and 'rench folt hat, I left the house, hailed a hansom with a pair of American wheels, and spent the rest of the evening at the French plays. Going home in an American tram-car, I arrived to throw myself in an American chair ; from whence I noted a great blot of ink on my new French wall-paper. Ere retiring I partook of some Belgian rabbit, curried, washing it down with brandy and water sweetened oy French refined sugar. Finally I reposed on a bedstead of the same nationality.