Varieties.

Auckland Star, Volume VII, Issue 1971, 3 June 1876, Page 8 (Supplement)

Varieties.

Hnsbands and wives sometimea—m great many years—hare disputes other day, when a couple were holt angry argument, the husband raisediti and exclaimed, "0 consistency, thot jewel 1" The wife at once broke do? as she sobbed she gtsped out, "\ her at the Opera, I suppose j but if j to split wood, wash dishes, and take i six children, she wouldn't look any I I do-hoo ! " \

Detriot policemen don't seem to I marksmen. " I want you either to 1 stop making such a blamed racket," thief in that city, at whom a policeu shooting.

Ned and Z nek are. sad topers. TSi Zack his aose was the last rose of s: Zack retorted, '"taint blooming j They left a deal of ground plowed n both aoses are poulticed.

Polite.—The most polite man tin existed wai once professor in one ( Wertern colleges, He was appointedd of the Home Guards, and being on il dress-parade, he stepped to the for carefully doffing his hat and dram sword, said: "Gentlemen, 1 stj pleased if you would shoulder arms."

Manners.— Mama (to her oldest) " My dear George, where are your m You should always say" ' Thank yd any thing is handed you." George-1 bother having to say thanks every tin Uan't a fellow have a season ticket.1' Abstractedly.—" Oh, Charles,' gasped, as she rose with some & from her fourth plate of strawburticream, "If I eat any more I think! burst." And Charles fumbled abstract his pocket and murmured: "Tliat pis' ! just bursted me." The follwing letter from a younj ' was lately addressed to a Judge of HA " Sir :—My father departed this li long hence, leaving a wife aad five fiWf Eedied detested, and his estate is life prove insolvant. I was left execution, being told that you were Judge of reptob apply to you for letters of condemnation A' Down-Easter, while traveling fej the West, happened on one of its raps titive tavern-keepers, of whom he li vV^hafc could be furnished,for]dinrier. 'Ij thing from a snipe to an elephant," m reply. "I will take a piece of ele^1 said Down-Easter. " You will have till a whole one," was the rejoinder ; " w* cut them." . I |

The Boston editor said he wrote aspics could be, "The sacred heavens aroamiii shine," when the biarsted printer wettil made it, "The sacret hyenas rounili shiae." I No Leisure to .Warstle o' It.—As iSr fcish officer waS hauding a samtnoMti* collier, he said : " It's a curious thing &t ye hand me coming to ye so often; ca/ 8 aot get out o' debt V Get oat o' deH ■ Turnbull," said the knight: of the bl«U* mond; " 'deed, it take 3a' my time dp the gettin' into't. I'm astonished ho»j«J' body can hae leisure'to warstle out o'lt A Saratoga philosopher says'a single toman, as a gereral thing, can be told m ' wife, and yet he has known many a-|p be taken for a wife. Curran was once asked by one of brother Judges " Do you see anytPJ, this wig ?" " Nothing but the head, c? the reply. ; "Never mind, sunny. Tiie'run1 "* boys grow," remarked a MassaclH* tramp the other day, when he took a» umbrella away from a lad in the midst «.i rain storm. V i. When a widow with children marfflP becomes a pa-taker at the wedding few..