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The Ideal Newspaper.

Once upon a time m the Republic of Utopia, where the newspapers like all (Otijer great beneficial agencies, are under the eonlrol and direction of the Government, it was determined to get up an ideal newspaper. The chief official journal was a good j paper, as papers go, but the editor was yery much harassed by " Veritas" and " Vox Populi" fltwl " Old Subscriber " and a large number .of other worthy people, each of whom thought he knew more about running a newspaper than the editor. So, with the consent of the authorities, he caused public notice io be given that on a certain date, some itfcmpe months off, he would publish a .•spee&l number of the "[Daily Utopian," m which should be embodied all the views ■of the people of Utopia who cared to express them, upon the way m which the Utopian should be conducted, the only proviso being that contributors should write on one side of the paper only, and should not roll the manuscripts. It is impossible to give anything like au adequate idea of the flood of nianuisciipt which poured m upon the ill-starred gediW pt the "Utopian." The Congress <of that ia^ion had to meet and make a special iupi^priation to pay storage, hire .clerks, jiew type, etc., and the .editor, m spite of his promise, had to 4mde the eontri'bufcioftg into classes or types and then only publish ,a synopsis of selected articles m each class.

The loudest *nd most persistent wail came from the poets, and fche burden of their grievance was that the "Utopian" was too sordid and materialistic, giving entirety too much space to advertisements, This Was offset m a measure, however, by the a4^rtisers, who declaimed loudly against giving what they called drivel and rot a pi'wp m the paper, and who demanded that .every advertisement should be on the best pag^ at the top of the .column, and next to reading matter.

A good second to these two glasses, m point of numbers, were the objectors who complained on the one hand that the paper was too sensational, and on the other that it was too dull and prosy. Then came the class which could not j iu*i4crstand why local topics should be give* fluch prominence, and the counterpart of this class which could not see why foreign news #Jjould have so much space. Then came the icrjrtjc wh» objected to display head lines, and m fche next batch the man who could lwsver find ouyth. ing m the paper, because the head lines not prominent enough. After the Utopian hftd been made up, and the editor was just uhmt to be examined by the official Commission of Lunacy, the office boy handed the unforfortunafce matt one letter which had been overlooked. Ifc turned out to be from a man who had formerly been m the newspaper business, and 'as {t wiw very short it may be published m full. It read as follows j—'" Dear Sir, —Any man that thinksJie k-w-ows another's business better than he himself knows it must be an infernal foot As 140 not care to be classed m that category I decline to offer any congestions for the conduct of jtlie Utopian/ The moral of this apologue, if it fuw£ mm, was expressed at least 2000 years ago, and :yr«,/> embraced m the homely aaaxiua, " JM> ifoQ shoemaker stick to his last." —" San Fwujcjisco Chronicle."

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Bibliographic details

The Ideal Newspaper., Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 2508, 3 September 1890

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The Ideal Newspaper. Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 2508, 3 September 1890

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