A NICE SCHOOLMASTER.
. Whoever uses Webster's Dictionary will fin ) on tbe early pages the name of Mermm. Two brothers of that name inherited the copyright, and for many years they were the solo recipients of the immense profits of thit remarkabl" wort. Ona of the Merriatns, a crusty old bachelor, settled on LoDg Island, and b»c?me a schoolteacher, and dying a couple of yo*rs ago 1 -ft all lite fortune" to tbe United Statoß G vernment, though he h*d lots of relatives who are now :n---du triously trying to break the will. In his lifetime Mr Marriam was not a particularly pleasant neighbor, and one of his most pronouaced antipathies was red headed women. Tlie eight of those rich amber glories that are m variably acoompunied by a white horse, affected Mr Merriam like an attack of pleuro pneumonia, and ho found uo peace tilt the hated object was removed from his Bight. On© of the teachers m Mr Merrlom's school had thte distinguishing female glory, and the sght of her acted oj him like * bad oaae of mnlaria, bo he deter - mined to get lid of her or die. He hired ] boys to palt her with spit-bills, and one big country lout was bribed with twentyfire o-nU to kiss her before all the scholar*), m hopes that atter suffering this publio disgrace she would fly the school for very shame. Bat tbe teacher had bean there before many a time, and she didn't ocare for a oent, and would have kissed the whole school, male and female, including the janitor, rather than resign her lucrative position of forty five dollars a month. Then M« Merrlam bought a tin dinner horn about cix feet •ong, and he serenaded her for ihree weeks about two o'clock m the morning. Though the youog lady was not fond of that kind of music she refused to budge. At last he made himaolf such a nuisance that the whole neighborhood wan against him, when, fortuuately, o»a morning he was found dead m bis b d, and it was thea discovered that he had revenged himself on hia relations by willing all his property, some eighty or ninety thousand dollars, to the United Stateß Government. T-iere is not the slightest doubt but Merriam was mad as o March hare for ten years before his death, »nd he was only kept out of the lumu'o asylum by a lot of miserable pandero who aubmitted to his vagaries and kept him In his portion as principal of the fchool, m bopes of sharing m his wealth whvn he died it m a pleasure to know that they all were disappointed, and now let ua hope that the United States will do the graceful thing and turn the money over to the lawful heirs whom tho stingy old beggar ignored In his life, and whom he hoped to oheat In bis death.
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