JEEMS KAYE AND THE TEACHER.
(From ." The Bftilie.") We advertised, Biille, tot a teacher for one o' the akules lately. The application* irere tae be addressed tae me. There wt*a> bnonera o' them— lndeed I micht say thoosms. I filled one o' my oleaa hnnner* wecht bags wl' them. We, In theOoTan pariah, g!e guld salaries, sac we get thsv pick an' wale o' the teaohin' profession* Of course we werana golc' tae be bothered openln' a* the letters, bo we pat the haaf o' them m the fire, an' opened and oon•clentlontly read thro* the ither hanf , W« narrowed the seleotion doon an' doon till we oam tae a pick o' aalax — a abort leet, oor minister oa'd it — some Latin word, I lop* pose— an' three o' as were deputed tae In* terview the candidates. So, last Thursday, we met m the wee room aff the skale, and I wis voted ftxaminer-in-obief. ECtte wo had a a moke, we a' drew oor chairs roon the table. Then I gles n bit ' tlbg ' on the wee bell, an* says tae the janitor* • bring forrlt the fist man.' The pair/ ohiel oam' m as if he wis goin' tae be executed. Mln' ye, though, it wis a motnen* tons affair for him tae be nihered intae the presenoe o' three responsible, dear heided men o' baslneis that had the power o 1 engaging him, or ordering him oot. jlit as we ltklt. Besides aj the placfr he waa tae fill had jlst been vaoated by a> man who wis goln' tae a luoratlTe situation as a tenoher In Spain, he had that kild 6* promotion befort hln« < Noo, Mister,' aityi I, < ye're a eaadfdate, are na ye ? Speak oot, as tha hals> three o 1 us are a wee deaf.'
'lam, sir. 1 ( Nae doot ye wad Ilka, taa get tb« place V • Well. I would, sir.'
1 Ay, me doot, nae doot ; bat ye k«n ye're no the only candidate, an* we hae a lolemn duty tae perform. We represent In oar aln three persons a* the baltris o* the parish, and ye ken we moot see It wa oonslder ye compus mentis. Veil ken> Latin, I suppose r 1 Ob, yea, Sir, and Greek.' 1 Ah, never heed the Greek noo* IV** ken Gaelic? 1 * « No, sir. 1 < That a bad. yen bad, yen bad, Indeed an' sao mony HeeW wean* In ? a l» dlttrlct. Te quite stagger me #*« th» ret* ontaet-plt down one black ta aek »g»!i»fc him, Mr Pinker ton tae begin wi'.r My a*na[ ( my man, If ya pro on at thli ntv ye 11 hae imi chance* Noo, attend ta» ma —never heed lookV at yer feet— look at me, ilr. I've a itdng o* qneitlona written dooh here for ye tae answer, »ny«' y« mxvi be vera oarefn,,' 'Noo, Bailie, T mast explain that the. window o' the room wli open, for they had an ower big fire, an' the janitor's wife wla oot on the green wl' a washer- ' woman spreading oot a washln', an' their conversation an' bits o'sanga onm' Intee m, although for a lang while I didna nnerstann where it wfa oomln' frae, ' Noo, air, are ye marrlt ?' ' Wooed an' marrit an' a' ' (frae tfce> green). 1 What's that ye say sir?' 'I didn't speak ?' 'An* why didn't ye? I asked, ya a question. Wld ye be lang wl* r M bflfota ye asked for a » riae ? "
1 1 hope I will not be greedy, air.' • Noo, that's a wlsellke answer. Whaur d ye oome frae ? '
' Within a mile q* Kdinbro' tooa • (frae the green),-
' Oan ye no gle's the name o! the plaoeV •Aberdeen' . « An* is It only a mile f rae Edlnbro'. eh 7 ' « 1 nerer said It wls, sir.' ' ' What ! put doon lther twa blaok marks/ Me PlnkQtton, for leeln '—ye're oomln' on my man.' ' Bat—' * SUenoe, sir; don't oonfaradlot me.' ' Twa bonnle elders— one wl ? a attokleg, an' the ithec wi' a bald held. The ane gles Hot weoht In the tea, an' the lthei pits stanes In amang the coals. Oh, watnman, wumnau, what a worl'o'deoeitt I doot the ' plate ' Ml be a inffecer. I suppose they'll nail as mnoh oot on Saw— bath as'U gle them their 'morning' a* week.'
'Deed, ye may weel aay't, wttmman, Twa miserable anld sklofilnta that'll no gle oor John a ' rise,' an' him wrooht aff his feet.'
Billie, I wla damfoonered, bat I leanr ower tae Mr Pinkerton and wblipers, 'Is he a ventrlloqalst, think ye 1 for I dldnav an'erataan what I heard at a.'
'It looks like It,' aaya Mr Pinkertccr. •Try him again.' 1 Noo, sir, attend tae me* la LaUb •*• o' the deld languages 1 ' •It la, sir.'
' A /c, ye're rloht there, tor it'e v deld m * doo t nail. Noo, U ye're parent leevlni 1
•My auld mlther deld In the yeat anghty-nlnV •An'whandUyerfaither doe? 1 ' I beg yoor pardon, air,' ,/ I>m B , t l ln \ w . htn d!d * w *»!«»«**•#, if yer mlther deld m auohty.nlne ! * ' Bat my mlther'i litlng yet.' •She's what?' 7 ; * She's living yet, . • •■ > ! £ u> wbat dld ** ■■* iho WM deW f °* ** lou mast have misunderstood me, air.' ; 'Heth there's too tnuoh mlsanderstandin* goln 1 on. Hooever, we'll beginagain. Attention. What were ye before* ye got on tae be a skalemalster ? ' •Wha'll buy my oaller herrln't flaw-:. bonnle '— —
1 Ob, ye were •ellfn* herrln', were jr«w_ gosh, ye gled a quid jump np ; but - c needna begin tae let us hear hoo vq -Jin tbemj we'll tak' yeVe word fot^* 1 An' for bonnle Annie li%w> a v\\ U* me doon an* dee.' * ye. Im afraid ye'U »o 'jUtialtni. Y» N oo| Jte X het *» fo * ihe l«rt time. IMk ye : What age are, ye }» * p " I JJy !°™ »■ »^ • red red rose ' Mlohty me, wbVa Bpeaklu 1 aboot yer L lQl Mraw e oare tho' ifae was like a green oaulffloor." 1 I'm afraid there's something wrong, gentlemen $ these sonnds are all coming from the green. 1 ' Ftae the whaur 1 Order the janitor In here at anoe ;' an' I rfiea and gaei ower tae the window, an' as I pat oofc my held the janitor's wife atngs oot, < Meet me on the gowan lea, my am, my artleoa dearie.' \\t\ for a' the worl* as if It wit me ihe wit. say In' 1c tae. •Will I? 1 says I. <ftn thlnkln' 111 meet yon and ye'r guldmtu In my office, and pay ye balth aff f or maktn' a f al« o* ÜB.'
I ibat doon the window wl 1 a bane, an* I faya tae the candidate, "Yell daet bring ye re tawse ne«t Monday an' begin.' An? ■ae we aettkd the thing. Ye see I dtdna want the analr spoken aboot, sac It wli beat taa keep the young man smooth. ' Bus Ihaetee gae the j»nltor an 1 hit wife a fclghfc jet,— YourB t
Permanent link to this item
Ashburton Guardian, Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 2072, 25 February 1889
JEEMS KAYE AND THE TEACHER. Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 2072, 25 February 1889
Using This Item
See our copyright guide for information on how you may use this title.