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JEEMS KAYES ADVENTURES IN A PHOTOGRAPHIC STUDIO

Ye may think It at range, Bailie, but ye kan Bu f na oc thakespeare, or eoraebcdy. r, eayo " Truth ia stranger than fiction,'' '- and it's true. Betty ana me had never .( got oor portraits ta'en, and rs we're getj ting weel up noo, aud life ifl nnoftrtaln, , for In thla toon ye're to' Buro o 1 yer Ufa for a meenib atwoen tramway oars and Orange bands and eioh Hko, we determinod the ither nicht tae get a dizzan o 1 kerds ta'en tae send tae oor freena. Last Wednesday, therefore, I got on my banfdreas suit, ahopherds 1 tartan trnooors, bird's-eye necktie, etcetra, and Betty dress't hersel' m a goon and her bonnet, c and taking the coaoh ws got landlt m a Jamaica street, where there's ony number o' photographers, eto. We studied the gless oases a wee, and at length fixed on ane and up we gaed. The lassie laid jist ? tae look roon till the operator wla dlaengaged, so we sat doon. After a while I - thooht I mloht as weel be gleing mysel' a bit tosh up, iae I got opposite 8 big glesa and, taking aff my hat, I brushed my hair and gied it a bit graceful curl at each side, i aud smoothed my whiskers awa' tae let . my tie and white shirt be seen, and palled " doon my waistcoat and my shirt Bleeves. ' I'm no' vain* as dootlois ye ken, Bailie, 3 but when yer picture's tae be tae'o and i handed doon tae posterltle, ye may as i weel look daoeno. Weel,jlst as I wls t sorewing my face first tae tho tae side and then tae the titber, and turning up my een tae see what wla the best way tae get a pleesent expression, I got a glimpse o'er my ehouther o' something like a full moon, and turning roon there wls Betty at my back. " Gae awa', Jeems," she Bays " I didna think ye were aae fullsh ; let me In tae the gless, for my bonnet's a' thrawn." I at ance stepped tae the rear side, as In duty boun.' and busied mysel' for a wee arrangln my pooket-nepkln jist so as tae let tvra three Inches bing gracefully oot by accident, ye ken- By-and-by oor names were oried oot, and awa' we gted up a wheen gey shoogly wudden stairs tae the vera tap o' the hoose ; past the tap, 1 think, for It wls a gless hooae, na slates avft, and an extror'ntt smell o' medlalne and veetrol pervadln' the whole. Having explained we wanted a group, for I bad made Inquiries and found that a group was fully ohesper than twa single anes, the photographer got a hand o' me and plaoad me wi' my tae haun graoefully handing on by the btok o' a chair and my Ither thoom In by waistcoat, while Betty wis set doon m the oKalr wi' her bauns In her muff. A' beln' ready the man gaed awa' intae a baok room, and a' wls silence for a wee. Betty then whispers— " Jeems ! there's a flee on the pint o' my nose, ye mloht gle't a bit whizz sff !" " Woman, " says I, sternly, but trying no tae move my llpe, " If It wls a bumbee ltael r ye maun thole't or yell spile the ploter. Ye manna move, mln'." Betty, however, took ane o her haana oot o' her muff and knook't it awa', then, jlit as the man cam' baok she cries oot — " Gracious me, I forgot tae tak' sff my specs' !" and aff she tare them wi 1 a jerk and Intae her pocket, bit jlst as she did sac the man s»ys— •lAhlyVremovJog.' 1 "Moving," cries Betty, '< I should think sac I I wld like tae see you taking aff yer spec's nithoot moving. 1 ' We got a' rloht again, but jlst as the man cam' oot the second time Betty says, "My fit's sleeping," and wl' thet she gles't a kick out, and ye'il no binder her tae get up| and hap roond the room, makln v a fair fate o* me a'tbegither. The man got a wee angry at this, but I says, tae kin' o' peolfy him ye ken, " Noo we'll sit quiet, and see and turn on yer machinery as quick tn ye can 1 an* get by I wl't." So In he goes again. 11 What's that kin' o' ttnmpet.looklng thing on the three legs, Jeems, wl' Us neb plntin' straoht at as 1" says Betty next. 11 Weel," I said, "I'm no vera sure j I widna wunner if it's some kin* o' newfasbknad Alrmstfong gun, it's desperate like ane onyway ; maybe he Invents guos m his spare meenits. I wld jlst aboot as sune the neb o't wls turned the Ither way," and I slipped ower and jist got It nioely plnted tae the ltber window when m ran oo* frlen' tot the third time. He looked kin' o* dumb-foandered-Hke when he saw tho gan turned foon, and oatohin't baok he tfcraw'd It faolng us again, Bays I tae mysel', " This disna look weel," and noo I began tae notice the man was a wee kin' v' raised like. His hair wis long and fleeing behind him, his 'een rolled aboot extror'nar, he had a mustaohe and nae whiskers, and his cheeks were a' blue-black wl' shaving. That'B a thing I oanna iay I like tae see, it's sac kin* o* actor-like, ye ken. " Faith, I wish -we were safely oot o* this," 1 whispers below my breath, but I said naethlng tae Betty for fear of frlohtenlng her, Hooever, I determined tae watoh narrowly a 1 that passed, and tae spring on him when I thooht he was getting dangerous. " Of course, ye understaun we cam' tae get oor portraits ta'on," I remarks. " Good gracious/ he says, •' you don't suppose I think you oame to be shot,-' an' wl' that he looked daggers at me, then In he goes once more tae the wee room, " Jeems," says Betty, " dae ye think It's a' rloht T " Faith," says I, " I'm no' sure o't at a'. Ye ccc sbootln'a rlnnin' In his heed, an' that oonfeondit gun's aye plntin' ower this way. I wunoec what the blamed thing Is there for at a'. I'm jlst thlnkfn' we wad malst be as weel tae slip doon the stair afore he comes oot, We mloht be murdered up here an' naebody a bit the wiser. Then what'a be aye rlnnin' Intae that wee dark room for 1 If he's daeln' nae 111, surely he dls'oa' peed tad hide himsei t" ' Maybe ho goes In for a dram," Bays Betty, "I hear a heap o* bottles an' glosses clinking when he's In," " I wish that may be a' he goes m for," I says, " maybe It's the poother he keeps m there." Hooever, before we could dae onytblng, oot he cam' again, an' took aff the frpnt o' the gun, sllppln' a bit square thing m behln* at the same time. Noo, a* the cannon ba's ever I saw were roon' an' thla wls square, so I wla a wee reassured. He then began, hooover, tae keek alang the tap o't, like takln' aim. I watched wl' a critical e'e tae see whether it wls my heed or Betty's he wls afmlng at, bnt sac far as my judgment went be wls rloht atween us. Wi' a' this, mln'ye, I gled the body the benefit o' the doot, an' wls Inollned tae think ha mloht jlst be a wee silly, an' no' a'theglther bad-; bat jlst then he threw a black olopt ower hfg beed sac as tae disguise hlmsel 1 , that we oouldna sweer tae him again In a Oourt o' Justice. This wla too muoh, so as he stooped dcon an 1 orled " Steady," I on wi' my hat an' roarln' tae Betty— " Rin. woman, rln ! or In five maenlts yell be as deed's a herrln' I" I doon the stair a.n' Betty after me, heeds ower heels, wl' her muff fleeing awa? before us, an' the wudden stairs like tae be knooklc tab bits, The lassies below ran tae the fit o' the ■tafr tas see what wls wrang, an 1 1 made s brlnge an' kaooklt yln o' them through a big gloss osse o* portraits, while Betty tripped ower the Ither an' nearly smothered her. Up, hooever, I pu'a Batty, an' haurl'd her doon the outside stairs — doon— doon~twa, three, fowei steps at a tlme ? an! roon tho corner we ran an' never atopplt till we got Intae the 8 'Shawj oar, four awa' up at tho beed o't. j oot o' slcht. Then I gled aslgh o' relloi t as I took aff my hat an' wiped my broo' ; j* Betty put her need op my shouther an _ murmured—" Oh 1 Jeera^i this Is an I awfn' worl' ; I never wlb as near death at I I wls the day." | The gnard thooht we had been at s . funeral, we were sac dUjisklt like, ap 1 he perer hq)i;«i| Ql for the tlppi&ce, **' 1

! quite forgot to pay h'm't, bat I'il gie hlm't yet — he kena m* (he. B s tile, the next time we go tae get oor portraiti, we'll go tae some place that'i recommended tse us, an' no jlat la tae the first ana we aea.

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Permanent link to this item

http://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/AG18890128.2.31

Bibliographic details

JEEMS KAYES ADVENTURES IN A PHOTOGRAPHIC STUDIO, Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 2048, 28 January 1889

Word Count
1,581

JEEMS KAYES ADVENTURES IN A PHOTOGRAPHIC STUDIO Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 2048, 28 January 1889

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