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TO-DAY'S TELEGRAMS

<» (PBR PRESS A88OUIATION.) Northern Soot Factory. Auckland, November 23. At the meeting of the Northern Boot Manufacturing Company on Monday next the Directors will recommend a dividend of 7 per cent. Burns Club. The adpnrned annual meeting of the Barns Club was held list night. There was still no balance-sheet, owing to a disagreement between the secretary and the treasurer. The diecuseion Bbowed that the members are at hopeless loggerheads. A professional accountant was appointed to draw up a financial statement to be submitted to a meeting next week. A large number hare seceded from the Olub and formed a Oaltdonian Society, which gives an inaugural concert on St Andrews' Pay. Man Missing. Charles Edward Renner, a butcher at Newton, is reported missing einca Tuesday morning. His wife fears the worst, aa he has been suffering from depressed spirits. Enquiries made by the police bave proved fruitless. The Weather. The weather is very coid and uhowtry. Accident on a Bailway. Napier, November 23. As • special train, taking to the Tomoaca works empty frozen meat trucks, was nearlng tbe Awatoto crossing, a cart containing two men and a boy attempted to pass In front of the train. The cart was knocked to pleoes bat the occupants were thrown legar. The train #as at once stopped and the three pat Into the van and brought back to town for medical attendance. The doctor Btys no bores are broken. The boy Is the worst of tbe three. The Tariff, Wxllikoton, November 23. The " Gizette" notlßes that Id per 1b duty will be levied on the leather board or '* Oorapo" vied as a substitute for sole leather Population of the Colony. The estimated population (exclusive of Maoris) on 30th September, was 603,861 or 1090 below the number at the end of June. The Maori population is given aa 41,969. Advance m Breadstuff's. Owing to tbe advance m the wheat market, flour ha« advanced 20j per. ton, and oatmeal is now quoted at £16, Bestiorfcfcion of Sunnyside. The Colonial Secretary states that the cost of restoring Scnnytlde Asylum will be about £10,000- This amount moat be reduced, however, by several thousand pounds whioh it was proposed to expend In making the neoessary additions to the old building. Marlborongh Goldfield. Warden Alien telegraphs to tbe Minister for Mines from Blenheim that gold has been discovered at Watamonga Bay, Qaeen Charlotte's Sound, some miles of J»Iot on. Royal Humane Society. The "CJißßtt#" notifies that tbe Royal Humane Society of Australasia has decided to award a brome medallion for proficiency In swimming with reference to saving life and a oar tfioate for theoretical kaowledga open to sohools contributing to its funds, Employment of Females Act Gbj&HlJ'.ohuroh, November 23 Ballantyne anj do were fined £3 foi working girls after hour*, $he defence was that they etopp«d behind to M&l work In absence of the overseer.

PUTTING ONE'S FOOT IN IT ■» ■ ... The following instances of "pattln one's foot m It" are amusing: — " never open my month but I put my foe m it," was the carious complaint of scm unlucky wight, who might have receive lome consolation had he reflected on th n ambers of offenders that dally keep hit oompany. The Guardsman's remark t the English nobleman who was In th habit of affably converting with th ■oldlers, '* I like yoa, my Lord, there 1 nothing of the gentleman about yoa, offers an example of the kind. "Bhv many deaths ?' aiked a hospital physician 11 Nine." " Why, I ordered medicine fo ton." " Fes, but one would not take it, 1 was the startling reply. " Hillo, when are yon going at this time of night ?' asked a gentleman of bts aervaut. '•Yoo'n after no good, I'll warrant." " Please air, miitreai sent me for yoa, air," was th< respome. A gentleman said to the waiter of his club, " Michael, if I shoulc dla would you attend my funeral V 11 Willingly, sir," was the hasty answer " Well, Michael, that Isn't very oompli mentary," •• No, sir; I didn't mane that, lie. I wouldn't be seen there, sir, was the waiter's consolatory reply, A country paper once related bow, "daring the celebration a child was ran over wearing a short red dress, which never spoke afterwards." In the description of the doings of a mad dog it is said that " he bit a horse on the leg, ffhioh has siooe died," An aooount of a funeral says—*' The remains were oommitted to that bourne from whloh no traveller returns attended by his friends." Advertisers often give us amusing specimens of composition, of which this is an example — " Lost by a poor lad tied up m a brown paper with a white string a German flute with an overooat and several other articles of wearing apparel " A miller attempted to testify to the merits of a powder for destroying vermin by saying, «'i fortnight ago I was full of rats, and now I don't think I have one." A newspaper was running a serial story called " The Troth." One week, so much space was devoted to other matters, the editor was nnable to continue the story, to made the following announcement, containing perhaps more ta h ihan «ny other item m the paper— • ' The Truth ' la crowded out of this issuo on account of the press of more Important matter." The lecturer pat hU f jot m it thoroughly ' when be prefaced his discourse upon the rhinoceros with, " I must beg yon to give me yonr individual attention ; Indeed It Is absolutely impossible that you could form a true Idea of the hideous animal of whfoh we are about to apeak ucleßß you keep your eyes fixed on me."

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Permanent link to this item

http://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/AG18881123.2.29

Bibliographic details

TO-DAY'S TELEGRAMS, Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1995, 23 November 1888

Word Count
947

TO-DAY'S TELEGRAMS Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1995, 23 November 1888

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