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“ Joined the Jerked ” is the Chicago Tribune’s alliterative headline for an account of an execution. There is* no language in the world which could put bo much beauty and pathos into so few words. This is from Suva To his horror a guest at Sturt’s table discovered a long hair in the butter. He gazed at it in horror for a moment and then shouted, “Waiter.” “Yes, Sir.” “ Bring me some bald-headed butter, will you 1 A preacher, raising his eyes from his desk in the midst of his sermon’ was paralysed with amazement to sec his rude boy in the gallery pelting the hearers in the pews below with horse-chestnuts. But while the good man was preparing a frown of reproof, the young hopeful cried ou t—“You tend to your preaching, daddy, and I’ll keep ’em awake.” A fakir has been giving sleight-of-hand performances in Galveston (U.fe.) One of his feats was to make a dollar disappear in the sight of the crowd, which he successfully did. “That marked dollar will be found in the vest-pocket of the colored gentleman,” said the fakir, pointing with his magic wand to Sam Johnsing. All eyes were rivetted on Sam, who advanced to the front. “ Boss, heah is your change ; I has had two beers and a segar outer dat dollar you told me to keep in my vest pocket till you called foah it !

Holloway's Pills.— Weary of Life— Derangement of the liver is one of the mos dangerous of diseases, and the most prolific source of those melancholy forebodings which arc worse than death itself. A few doses of these noted Pills act magically in dispelling low spirits, and repelling the covert attacks made on the nerves by excessive heat, impure atmospheres, over-indulgence, or exhausting excitement. The most shattered constitution may derive benefit from Holloway’s Pills, which will regulate disordered action, brace the nerves, increase the energy of the intellectual faculties, and revive the failing memory. By attentively studying the instructions for taking these Pills, and explicitly putting them in practice, the most desponding will soon feel confident of a perfect recovery. —[Advt. TOWN EDITION. [lssued at 4.35 p.m.] New Advertisements. Wanted— a situation, by a competent man, as driver of an engine with combine, etc. Home and colonial experiences. Apply, W. Whinbay, P. 0., Masterton, North Island. d!6 WANTED KNOWN That Mr J. W. Jago, Worthy Grand Templar of Australasia, will give a Temperance Address at the Town Hall TO-MORROW (Sunday) NIGHT, commencing at 8 o’clock. A 8 HBURTON COUNTY COUNCIL. MOUNT SOMERS POUND. Notice is hereby given that Mb John Cukney has been appointed POUNDKEEPER of the Mount Somers Pound until further notice. By order, F. MAIN WARING, Clerk. Ashburton, Dec. 14, 1882. A SHBURTON COUNTY COUNCIL. CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS. Notice is hereby given that the Conn* cil OFFICES will be CLOSED from 24th December, 1882, to 2nd January, 1883, both days inclusive, for Christmas Holidays. By order, F. MAIN WARING, Clerk. December, 1882, SUNDAY SCHOOL. TEA AND PUBLIC MEETING, ON WEDNESDAY, 20th INST., In the Wiilowby Public School. Tea on tables at Six o’clock. Tickets, Is 6d each. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23. IMPORTANT SALE OF GROWING CROP OF Wheat. MR T. BULLOCK has received instructions from Mr W. T. Smith, to sell by Public Auction, at the Bazaar, Burnett street, on the above date, 370 30 ACRES WHEAT ACRES OATS Situated on the Lagmhor run, and only half a mile from the Hinds railway station. The Crop will be sold subject to the rent being paid to Mr McLean on terms entered into by Mr Smith. Sale at J. o’clock, T. BULLOCK, dIQ Auctioneer. TUESDAY DECEMBER 19th. TWu McCORMICK REAPERS AND BINDERS. FOR SALE BY PUBLIC AUCTION. MR T. BULLOCK will offer for Sale by Public Auction, at the Tinwald Sale Yards on Tuesday, 19th instant (if not sold privately)— 2 McCormick Reapers and Binders, in thorough working order, having been at work the last four days. Sale at 11.30. d!6 T. BULLOCK, Auctioneer.

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Page 3 Advertisements Column 1, Ashburton Guardian, Volume IV, Issue 820, 16 December 1882

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Page 3 Advertisements Column 1 Ashburton Guardian, Volume IV, Issue 820, 16 December 1882

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