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When the Conquering Heroes Come.— The Ashburton Volunteers are expected to return on Tuesday. We have no doubt they will meet with a warm reception from friends and the public generally.

Electoral.— Mr 0. W. Purnell will address the Wakanui electors at the Bakaia Town Hall to-night. —Mr O’Reilly begins “ to make love like an Irishman ” at the Town Hall, Ashburton, to-night. We hope his attentions will be well received. The Last Candidate. —Attention is directed to Mr A. Orr’s announcement of hia candidature for the suffrages of the public which appears on another page. Not On.— The polling on the L 20,000 loan for water-works at Christchurch yesterday, resulted in the proposal being rejected by 832 to 463.

Elgin School. —The Board of Education have temporarily appointed Mr T. W. Wilson to the mastership of the above school iii the room of Mr Albert Prondlock. We understand that Mr Wilson will take charge of the school on Tuesday next, the 22nd instant. Pretty Presents for Christmas.— We have just received some hundreds of colored picture sheet almanacs, which are really most artistic in design, and faultless in coloring, as every one who has seen them has declared. These pretty picture almanacs are good enough for framing. They will be mounted, and wooden rollers will be affixed to each of them, and whether as almanacs, pictures for bedroom or parlor adornment, or as show-cards for tradesmen, they will be worth their price, which, neatly mounted, and with the purchaser’s name and address printed in colors at the foot of each picture, on a space left blank for that purpose, will be 30s per dozen.

Wool Sales. —Messrs Ford and Co. announce elsewhere that they hold their first sale of the season at their splendid stores Cashel street, on Tuesday week. The same firm, in conjunction with Messrs Friedlander Bros., sell a mob consisting of 1,500 store sheep, at the Tinwald saleyards on Tuesday next. Our Late R.M. —The Tuapeka Times states that prior to the business of the Resident Magistrate’s Court being proceeded with on Monday last, on the occasion of Mr J. Nugent Wood taking his seat on the Bench as R.M. of that district, the members of the legal profession in an address congratulated him on his appointment, etc. Mr Wood, in acknowledging the compliment, said it was a new thing for an address to be presented to a newcomer, but he had no doubt the Bench and the Bar would get on harmoniously together.

Thistle Lodge. —At the election of officers of the Thistle Lodge, No. 697, S.C., held at the Masonic Hall, on Thursday evening, the following appointments were made :—W.M., Bro. S. B. Nelson ; S. W. , Bro. D. M‘Farlane ;J. W. , Bro. W. Thompson ; S.D., Bro. J. Tait; J.D., Bro. W. White; Secretary, Bro. Gaukrodger; Treasurer, Bro. C. Beid; 1.G., Bro. T. Williamson ; Tyler, Bro. R. Cullen ; M. C., Bro. T. Quill ; Organist, Bro. H. Gates; Stewards, Bros. Thiele and Tisch. The installation takes place on the 30th inst. At the conclusion of the Lodge’s business, an adjournment was made to the upstairs room, where refreshments had been provided in Brother Thiele’s usual style. Parents Beware.— Two children are reported as having died at Laka Wanaka through eating unripe fruit. Bankrupt. —Mr Joseph Ward, grocer, East street, has filed a deed of composition with his creditors. A meeting of his creditors is called for Monday, December 6th, at Mr Wilding’s office, Christchurch.

With Hard Labor. —Before the Mayor and Mr W. J. Stewart, at Waimate, yesterday, John Henry Lee was charged with indecently exposing himself before little girls, Lee was shown to have been guilty of disgusting conduct for some months past, and he was sentenced to one year’s imprisonment with hard labor. Masonic Ball. —The names of the Committee for carrying on the arrangements in connection with the proposed Masonic Ball, and from whom tickets can be obtained, will be found in our advertising columns.

Garrard the Agitator and the Auckland Electors. —Garrard, the notorious “ we’ve got no work to do agitator” addressed the electors of Auckland City North, last night. Major Burns, N.Z.A., occupied the chair, but very soon beat a retreat, the cat’s-calls, yells, and general clamour being too much for him. The Major’s place was supplied by “ Georgy Staines, the people’s advocate. ” Mr Garrard then proceeded to tell them what his political “platform” was. He was opposed to distraint for rent, and also to Chinese or assisted immigration- On the native question, he said he thought both races were wrong, but he would fight for his own. A vote of want of confidence was rejected, and one of confidence carried almost unanimously amidst yells of laughter. Breach of tbb Registration Act.— At the Magistrate’s Court, Kaiapoi, yesterday, before G. H. Blackwell, Esq., Mayor, F. E. Hunter was charged, on information of Mr Johnston, Registrar of Marriages, with making a false declaration of the age of his wife, on which a certificote of marriage was granted. The case was adjourned till Monday next.

Cheese and Butter Factory. —Last evening Mr Bowron concluded at Willowby the series of lectures he had been giving in connection with the above. There was a large attendance of farmers, and also a number of their wives and daughters were present, who showed great interest in the proceedings. At the conclusion of the meeting fifty shares were applied for. Up to the present about 600 shares have been applied for; and at a meeting of the provisional directors, held yesterday, it was decided to empower Mr Bowron, who is returning to England shortly for a time, to obtain a suitable and practical man with his wife to come out and manage the factory, which, it is anticipated, will be ready to commence work early next spring. The farmers seem to fall in with the views of the directors generally, and there is every probability of their venture being a great success. Although Mr Bowron’s course of lectures is completed the farmers must not lose interest in the scheme. Enough has surely been said to prove to them beyond a doubt that it is one deserving of their support and encouragement. Properly managed not only will it benefit the individual but the community at large. Mr S. E. Poyntz, Ashburton, the secretary, will be happy to receive applications for shares.

Not a Bad Idea. —In the Common Pleas Court of Ohio, where a rigid temperance law is enforced, a German baker was recently tried for selling whisky “contrary to the statute,” etc., and “ against the peace and dignity,” etc. Ho was found guilty, and sentenced to pay a fine and to be imprisoned in the county gaol for thirty days. To this the prisoner at the bar offered serious objections, and protested as follows : —“ Chail! Go to chail! Me go to chail ! But I can’t go ! Dere’s my pizness—my pakery. Who pakes my pread when I ben gone V Casting his eyes about the Court-room appealingly, they fell upon the goodnatured face of jolly Chris Ellwaner, a fellow-countryman, who had no “pizness,” and forthwith a brilliant idea occurred to him. Turning to the Court he said, in sober earnest :—“ Dere’s Chris Ellwaner I He’s got nothing to do. Send him !”

Joining the Ladies. —Lever used to tell with infinite drollery the following story of Mr McGlashan, his Dublin publisher, who, by the way, was a Scotchman :—At a certain dinner, fearing to be made “ fou” by the wild Irish authors and scribblers, he left the table, having taken his fair share of wine, to join the ladies in the drawing-room. After a while the company heard unearthly noises in the pantry, just behind the dining rooms. They listened and they wondered. What could it be ? Were there really ghosts in the house, as had been whispered in its ancient traditions ? But summoning courage, they went cn masse and they found that worthy McGlashan had, under the impression that he was going upstairs to the ladies, ascended shelf after shelf of the pantry, and was at that moment lying at full length on the uppermost, kicking furiously at the ceiling and sidewalls, and expressing the utmost surprise that he could not “ get up-stairs.”

Spouting. -—The weights for the Dunedin Cup and other events, wired to us from Dunedin this afternoon, will be found in another column.

Ceioket. —Owing to the gentlemanly conduct of an individual playing in the match to-day—Ashburton County Club v Rakaia o.o.—we are unable to give a report of the game, the person befere referred to persisting in preventing our reporter from taking down the scores.

Tb Whiti and His Boots. —Mr Chambers publishes his special telegram from the front in another column. Mobb Shops and Offices.— Those requiring good business shops in Ashburton should consult Mr Robert Alcorn, who announced his desire to lot a portion of his preiriires. Touch-and-Go. —A narrow escape from a fatal accident occurred at the Opunake Hotel last night. A person, while under the influence of drink, entered a room where three or four gentlemen were asleep, and seeing a rifle lying in a corner, he took it up, and while, examining it it exploded. Mr Armit, fOrmierly of Wellington, but now engaged on the Hawerd Star, was asleep close to where the discharge took place, and a quantity of grains of powder entered his face, but fortunately the bullet struck the iron at the bead of his bed, which turned its course, otherwise Mr Skeet and Mr Hadfield (native interpreter) would have been seriously injured, if not killed.

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Ashburton Guardian, Ashburton Guardian, Volume III, Issue 496, 19 November 1881

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Ashburton Guardian Ashburton Guardian, Volume III, Issue 496, 19 November 1881

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