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r i ■>* * — We j ha! o me' fra desm en in Ashburton who upid{Qs)|sand $»“ art ” of advertising, ! but I ijue|&n wither any of them ever jmanagcd-^mutAnjbther such an artistic recently appearing jin a S& T ellingtffictournal. It is so very tall in I cannot refrain from ashing you to publish it for the edification of your numerous advertising friends ; “ Messrs Dwan and Co. will sell by public auction 40 carcasses of mutton, artistically glaili-lit'an' TScp'erf ‘ pose of human food.- iij each lot.” , T Can *ahy ’of our Ho cal 'knights -of' ? tne lumamercomewithia.A'fiooQy^ihu^awMKzsn

.-vA .vo;i';'s .amsaoltaj;/ Since the castigation I received a-shott time since at the hands of aeorrespondept» of yours, f lhave given? ecclesiastics ularl partaining ,to them n pretty widy ; j in my weekly , jottings,. anft ( mow«. m ’ / mentioning a decided bull ’ perpetrated'by J one of the cloth at a recent entertainment, trust I may do tio violehceßo4h r AleelilifcS i fr of any hyper-aehaitiVa corredpSndent. ;n Jnn,’>; speaking cf our , foir.'isisteicai: (and , the 'tetaperance question, the rev. gentleman Said:: , “ I apn -suwfy -if r T typihion was 'asked, every womay in this ” room would’ ’stand 'up to ' d man;”’’ - ■ If this had been part' of sin afterndihner speech, I should have made some allowance ; but /being ai teetotal.lnfringe e/; v. . forming a supplement,Templar tea ( and bun scuffle—well—one does’nt know what to thinh.,l f>.r, s an

\ ! 1 :, W J , f., , ••• ; ■ A very ir terestmg supphmeitt' whs * f efcently issued by an agricultural monthly. It- took the fdrm'of a requisition to' 1 debtors to come land square up the baHhC® i 'agaiihst their. names. It ,wm . headed to Monthly,” fOir the' - 1 posej of fringing itsenclosure in the ■ journal under 1 the' 1 Stamp ‘Act. _ The i monthly din’t have a local drawing attentionito the T ’c'6nteh‘tsi'uo|'their dUppl&nOti; J litre some journals I could mention. -

That was a tragic wind upjto 16cal a day or two ago—“ Fowl'clvraers beware ' Talking ; df foMa temirids me ' of a story related by- afi^eifd' bf ’mine some year? ago, when od. fho;, sameness of r(| At the 1 time he was residing iri ' Oamatu ‘pi" ft.,' private«*houae, and road,” or rather.of the .table;, was mqtton.. John, that'waS Ins name, got firecioi this''* system of mutton for six days out of every week, .and Sundays ; in fact, he complained that he "boiiid’never pass’-a drove of shedji 1 they bleated at him, W a. most accusative manner, and wak 1 seriously ’ considering aboiit a chaugh- df’residence, ‘tVh'eify'bn goin^.home, oner.-week ? , .fable ready _hdd. for dinner- and the, agt sectfng J or a' tn»'‘ attention of his companion at arms—i.e., fclloW hoarders. John - waited till the mistress . had> "left; the r00m,.,,/ffhenr he could longer,/ and; ejaculated,/ “ Well, ; blpwjed ! What thecrpatiori. is tHp cause of this ? ; 14-.-fowl! / A rpast dreaming! Punch and see if 1 am.’l Sam didn’t operate' oil I him,'’hut assumed him, with’ 1 a ; grim while, 'that/it* > was hd chimera of his brain. On being further ‘queslibnecf to'the causi of this chaDgfc of;:.diebj Jie freplifei}''?. l ihoiwaveryas follows : —“ W-ell-you seo-the- - bla fun (bos? jof the lost all pis fowls, 1 ..bari three, .Itoip'iHtelfteo roost last flight 3. sqroqbpjiy.padgeid ’enjy supppse, and sq, to, make sure,jtjhey,wo»’t get ajny more, he’s going. to_ give us fowl whilb thej.haUuce .ppu h «nfeThen, look put for muttpn agpin. ”f ;; - r. I

• r; :~rrr- a r ' i.': s Wp had nn able leotura *on hydropathy,, ? in thiaitownakipithis wpek..! I.,wenf t and; 1 the gejitlemap. advocated ■ ft, system; sgrhjpild > he .water curn,”nV^te,.ia > I took it, was tp r awt ,thb .. • which Ashburtonians usually enjoy about r ' this time of .the year.,. To, jupga from. > whatjl experienced bf the climate of tne ° Y Plains two yearSC agp, * X should say'that e any mpn who stands.up, .to. advocate the t “ coin ” water cure to an Ashburton B iAidibnce in 'mid-winter raust'be a bold e one, j without he tempers- the subject - slighily with . ,tbj fhe AeAnlia# 1 ■ ‘ ‘ j eSbctfe*rlsintTng to thw civlcr i digniltaries,: of :AbhbuEtori :hy rtha .Long* r/ - watej-beech-ton “ Geyapr/’ ;:■'; '_) t T^p ;^^: ; l - seAbut who are fond of children, and, (( .. »! personally:, I have Uttle.-^esn^ct ■ man who is entirely *, i.the ypiirig ' J a Benedict for a Humber of years,’’ bijt ,ju; !T I still childless, is, or imagines he is,’ a ’ ’. devoted worshipper of what Longfellow t tbq; I 'diving IfteMMi 4 ’ ']EjS4M t a variety of circumatapfles,,' combined '< • with his own ingenuity, he has soared to ! a position where he kaea little sweat,in i- ibis efforts to obtain:brelwX(and thri‘iiiitter 1 too), i Finding the time hang heavily on i Ms hands,,, and being filled r with philan--1 , throriic ir»p llses.yhe odea |itt»este& , >.. to hig fertile mind that, as, in the order <sf things) •’ r he/-had jbeeri' defaied»*6lile f>/ i. btanches.of hia.own, B ?®k;oilt,i some stray bairn upon whom ‘ he could o • bestow his suberabriridahce !l o‘f affefetidiij ‘ ; ‘ ‘bring'it up in the moat. approvedofashidh,: -- and tlupV.leave footpri^t^.^nijtha.^sands. of time. 1 ’ Unfortunately,. l^ e ‘vpr ‘ a “ firm belietef iri cMtef r iind J hhlng exceedingly: fastidious,; this ‘idipsynanay goveroi :; weightecj his organ of; affection, and sqniq , time elapsed before a cfiila of the requisite 4 qualifications passed muster. However) 1 - ’ cifcumstancea placed,:id Skewear’a, wajr.;»ic.i little cherub who possessed every non tp 'grace the home of an aristbefat—“ln fact,” as the humane individual expressed it,: “ quite a;,superitar ma’am.” His cup was full. Already, in imagihatioDj thelittlq prattler was toddling; < over the floors creating ; fun, andmaking-i'.! mischief. Castles) were fnjife fin; Hie, air) i i as to the njche which the future scion oft the hbuse was to occupy in thei tempte ntunt •Faqie', and : a pjacid smile ./crept ‘ over ' 'Skewer’s uanMly - sombre countenance. - But it was a day dream. The prepossessing appearance /of Toddle? ; JvM., ais%imr>*r pressed” itself upon ofchefs vHi</'hiid Iftfle faith upon Skewer’s qualifications for teaching .the young idea how to shoot, 1 and the vision vanished with as, niugh‘ \i rapidity as it had appeared, It has hepp / said that the highway to a uripopbrar., place ia)paved with good intentibris;',* sentimeilt which I have ho ;‘,‘ dispute; but when a good)' impulse [%_ t ‘ ‘ nipped in the bud in the iharineß refbWed J to, it would, be uncharitable tbVsrigpos.^ 101 ) 1 that a believer jn’ °r signed to 'l^Hkdie.‘' : jSf« r ; ■ stoaylnot' think one’ihari’s child'ai' g&od! : h«° * laribthkA' ,t Ahyh’ow', the- tfb&tf vvrah l!@yd' r ' ■Set Skewer is—May his b© litth ojiMj” )a'* ,J whgjpih'expression l recently attached to a marriage notice.. j / :.t y f, ■ -r ;> { JO ■' The disposing of what is left of our poor , humanity, after .shufflipg off -this mortql coil hjak ’nrpto,; timg immetooml l t », ’,, snbjedt’Sf ke& - tp man%iq*aoaSid ‘ • it is rehiark thkt t ') process' of embalming,' 1 cremation) ;,br! % tombing havp been .adopted, Bh'efp hfta been k : Certain mteohnt' of reipect showri by'the living towards their dead. ‘ tor reasons wmoa commend themselves ; to thosa'Whb Jutve the sahitabyiwbll-liellig H 1 of communities at heart, cremation is certainly j worthy of consideration, oespeqiaUy in thickly-populated localities.- One would hardlg hav6 thought,' howle/et) thah'hubh li 'i a course would be suggested in the thinly(peqpled .towiiahip of Ashburteaj bnt.'iVhen' I i iudividualejwho by jcooatanit contact with _j mundane fliatters, >ari9 spi Icstitd theifitnessi.ium of thing#;, as. : to, converti .thejs-bnok -yards VIO -hito a cemetery, it;Wovdd:eoem khatothoroi a might] be even more absurd Buggestioa®. fiUiU

tbaa that of establishinga cremating furnace, -under (be-personal supervision, of course,‘of ofuc. worthy Sergeant of police. ’TIs fortunate for one street in tlio Borough that there are some lynx-eyed residents therein, or Well, it’s too unsavory a subject to pursue farther. :It is astonishing the many ways in which' business 'then, _ in times, of depressforn; seek tor keep. afloat and make both 'ends meet, Some of the methods ore very. commendable .and worthy of all praise;' bn the contrary, are of 1 * very 1 questionable nature. I reihember when business in, one of the now flqurishing tqwns up north was in a very stagnant n wbo waa beset on all sides byjmpat|enp and importunate creditors, hltupqu a pian, Which- was no sooner oonceiyed tban acted upon. Interviewing a merchant with; whom he, had had no prewionsi transactions, Bang ■ obtained a largp quantify ofsugar, at something abovo current rates, bn a three months’ h confectioner, at abqut 30 per cent, below the price agreed upon witW the r merchanV .However,. before a week had 'elapsed Bung , had to seek the shelter'of thb : BankruptcyCourt;ihe whole taSrij&CTWB,/Mtme‘outj and the wily brewer gbl a well-aeserved lecture from,the judge, as well as soma vefy severehandling by wrathful creditors.

‘fShyposn evew business has its ways tricks that are vain,” but it .pever oe&uyfed'to me.until recently that tbqfywaa muph opportunity for the exerciaaqfßharppractice -by an undertaker. ■ I -have heard,; When a boy, of cannibals ogling their captives day by day, and calcujating ihqw long: it would be ere they were sufficiently fed. to be ready for the Oven, But—ye shades of Captain Cook I —cwhb • ever heard of a Sick man being watched and calculations, entered into as to when ihafuturooccupant of a pauper’s shellshould, nqt only give ihis/jfinal gasp, bus Mentally appoint the day upon which the .poor ifellow should be interred ? The calculations, in which it,waa ultimately decided to postpone One eveohm. expectation of another, so as to save shoe leather, ’and, ; perhaps, timber, are too xhtneate fpr ifle to enter., upon. But I aid convinced morq >; than ever, Hr Editor, 'thfitthere are more things transiflringinrthis little.township of Ashburton tßSfcn Sit of in f yqup philosophy.

hw been tq Kaiapoi 1 This, fy jthe way I, often.; address great tiavellers and explorers. Singularly < my answer ris that Ihey haye never been there. I A.t f Kaiapoi they have always, bqenuifrploiigMng deep”'in an independent sort of way, and thWconsequences are that itirtlH Wemaini f fqftnihg layerpool of . When they inaugurate a systWWdf telling thbir borough 'conncillOnt intheir bld age, we think . ton, do the jSajno while young. The fottbwmg advertisement is taken from a papeK-rT . ■ Kaiapoi Borough Council.—This school will , re-open ion Monday next, the ibth instant.— C.j_E. Dudley, secretary. .afraid.'that the teaching - staff will ■jol oilv/-^rsTT —i un;. — *r-

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UNKNOWN, Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 356, 28 May 1881

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UNKNOWN Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 356, 28 May 1881

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