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The Ashburton Guardian. Magna Est Veritas et Prevalebit. MONDAY, MAY 2, 1881.

TOWN EDITION. [lssued at 430 p.m.]

Held Over. —We are again compelled to hold over matter now in type conseouent on the lengthy details of the experiences of the survivors of the Tararua disaster.

Grand National. —The weights will be declared'to-night. Mr Griffith is the handicappcr.

Vital Statistics. —During the month of April there were registered in the Ashburton district 25 births, 11 deaths, and 4 marriages.

Police News. —Not even a solitary “ drunk ” was in the hands of the police to-day, and there was therefore no business at the R.M. Court.

Borough Council. —An ordinary meeting of this body will be held this evening. In°addition to the routine business is the confirming of the resolution relative to the rate for the ensuing year.

The Weather. —Throughout yesterday, there was quite a downpour of rain, and, as a consequence, the roads in the town are all but impassable. The fall ceased at an early hour this morning, and at the time of writing, the sun was shinin<> in a very watery manner, whilst to the eastward was gathered a heavy bank of clouds, preventing anything but a promising aspect.

Harvest Services.— Yesterday harvest services were held in St. Stephen’s Church, the Rev. A. W. Hands, incumbent, conducting the same. The altar front and pulpit were very appropriately decorated with barley, wheat, &c., and flowers, on the altar being fruit, flowers, and ears of grain. The attendance m consequence of the inclement state of the weather, was rather poor on both occasions. In the evening a hymn from those set apart for those at sea was included in the service.

Wreck at Timaru. —The schooner Amaranth commenced dragging her anchor owing to tho heavy sea in the Timaru roadstead yesterday, and although a second anchor was put down she drifted on to the Circe, brigantine, and fouled the rigging of that vessel. To save themselves, tho crew of the latter vessel cut away the rigging of the Amaranth, thus rendering it impossible to put sail upon her, and, consequently, she was abandoned by her crew and drifted ashore some nine miles to the north cf the township. She was visited by the Harbor Master during the afternoon and found to be a total wreck. She was coal laden, and was owned by Messrs Guthrie and Larnach.

Football. —A very pleasant afternoon’s play took place on Saturday, the sides being as published by us recently, captained by the Captain and Secretary. A. Fooks opened the play by a kick-off, but during the first spell no decided advantage was obtained by either side. In the second spell the Secretary’s side succeeded in obtaining two touch-downs, as against their adversaries’ nil, thus winning the game. There was a decided improvement m the style in which vhe players worked together, but there is still noticeable a great deal of hand-ball and kicking in scrimmages, which will need to be discontinued. Another match, commencing at 3.30 p.m., will be played on Wednesday nest.

A Clever Dodge. —Once there was a run on a bank in South Wales. Small farmers jostled each other in crowds to draw out their money. Things were at low water, when the manager, in desperation, bethought him of a resource. By his directions, a clerk, having heated some sovereigns in a frying-pan, paid them over the counter to an anxious applicant. “ Why, their quite hot !” said the latter, as he took them up. “Of coarse,” was the reply, “they’re only just out of the mould; we’re coining them by hundreds as fast as we can.” “ Coining them i” thought the simple agriculturists. “ Then there’s no fear of them running short!” Their confidence revived, the panic abated, and the bank weathered the storm.

Accidents. —A shocking and most distressing accident occurred on Saturday (says Do-day’a Timaru llemld) to a passenger who was travelling on the 4.30 pan. south train, returning home, it is supposed, to Waimate. The unfortunate mail’s name has not as yet been ascertained, though the authorities have been engaged instituting careful enquiries since the sad event happened. It appears that he was standing on the platform of one of the carriages with his back leaning against the ironwork when by some unac countable means he fell ofl, lodging Ills head on a cow catcher, situated about one mile south of Saltwater creek. The train was instantly stopped, and a number of the passengers wont to pick up the unfortunate man, whom they found to be quite dead. —The body of a man named William Kirwan was picked up in the Wellington harbor on Saturday night. He was a recent arrival by the ship L’aroora, and it is believed intended to settle at Greymouth.

“'Jock” and His Master.—A laird of Strathaven who owned a quarry, and who was reported to be worth “ a gey twathree bawbees besides,” was curling one day, and his foreman, whoso name was Lawrence, was playing with him on the same side. The laird was very anxious he should play a certain shot, and he cried out in this fashion : “ Noo, Jock Lawrence, d’ye see whauc my broom is ? Lay your staue doou there, and as sure as death I’ll gio ye my dochter Jean if ye do.” “Birr” rushed the stone out of Jock’s baud, and vvert triutliug along go the very spot where the laird wished it. “ Capital, Jock, capital! Ye couldna hae done bettor, and ye can get Jean the morn if ye want her.” “ maun gio me something else than Jean, laird. I hae got her already. We were married sax weeks ago ; and wove been thinl.ing o’ asking your blessing ever since, bu u something aye cam’ in the way.’ Hie laird was dumfounded when he heard this ; but be compromised matters by saying, “ Aweel, awoel, Jock, 111 let byganes be byganea. A man that could lay doon sic a pat-lid like is worthy o’ the best and bonniest lass in Lancashire ; keep her an’ welcome, &u’ ye’ll maybe get the maitter o sax iiunder wi her. Keep her, Jock ; and if ye bao ony laddie weans atweon ye, bring them up in the fear o’ the Lord ; and be yo sure ye dinna forget to make guid curlers o’ them.”

A Verdant Minister. —The Scotsmna gives an account of an almost incredib.e scare of which the people of Skye have recently been the victims. A Free Church minister made the startling announcement on a recent Sunday morning that the Russians had invaded England, and ho warned his congregation to betake themselves at once to the defence of their hearths and homes. The Russian invasion was further declared to be prompted by domestic treason, and the Queen, acting on her own responsibility, had committed Mr Gladstone to prison for complicity therein. The story was accepted in good faith by the simple islanders, and their consternation was unbounded until seme superior persons discovered it to be a hallucination. The explanation of the whole affair was not that the minister had been hoaxed, or had gone mad, or had played off a practical joke upon his people, nor was the story of Mr Gladstone’s imprisonment a distorted version of recent events in the House of Commons. The innocent cause of the scare was an English comic paper, containing some sorry jest about the Russians invading England, and Mr Gladstone being cent to the tower. It had somehow found its way to Skye, and, falling into the hands of the minister, was mistaken by that worthy man for a serious newspaper. All Scotland is laughing at the joke, and wondering how many ministers of like simplicity are still to be found in the Highlands or in the Free Kirk.

Wakanui Sparrow Cldc. —At a meeting of this Club, held at the Somerset Hotel on Saturday afternoon, sixteen new members joined. It was agreed to appoint a Committee, consisting of Messrs Jamieson, J. Cochrane, D. Wilson, J. Brown, and Joseph Lloyd, to canvass their respective neighborhoods to get members, and ascertain the amount of poisoned grain required. The subscription was fixed at 5s per annum. An adjourned meeting will be held at Quill’s Hotel on May 14, to receive tho report of tho Committee and arrange further action.

That Umpire.— With reference to the cricketing season now closing the following stories, having reference to that much, and often deservedly, reviled functionary, the umpire, as narrated by E. B. Rawlinson, the ex-Yorkshire player, will doubtless prove interesting. On one occasion a sea captain was standing as umpire for the opposing team, and on being appealed to by the Yorkshireman for a “lb w,” he replied, “ A good ball.” “ But how is it, out or not out V 44 Keep it there,” said the son of Neptune, “and he won’t get many runs.” 44 But,” returned Rawlinson, “ I want to know whether he was 4 1 b w ’ or not ?” 44 Well, I cannot say ; I never noticed,” aggravatingly replied the captain. On another occasion, when playing with Jar row against Gateshead, and only two runs were required to win the match, an appeal was made to the umpire, who, to “ How’s that !” replied “ Not oot : and 2 to Iwe boat you.” The inconvenience of an umpire with an impediment in his speech is shown in the following ludicrous incident. On one occasion when Malton was antagonised with Sessay, the latter place was favored with the services of a stammering official. On an appeal being made for a case of 1 b w, the umpire said nothing, but shook his head. The next ball took the bails, and at the same moment the umpire surprised the natives by exclaiming 44 Not out.” 44 What do you mean V queried the bowler, 44 don’t you see I’ve bowled him 1” “Y —yes,” said the deliberate, 44 but I m—m —m— mean the bah before.”

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Permanent link to this item

http://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/AG18810502.2.8

Bibliographic details

The Ashburton Guardian. Magna Est Veritas et Prevalebit. MONDAY, MAY 2, 1881., Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 333, 2 May 1881

Word Count
1,657

The Ashburton Guardian. Magna Est Veritas et Prevalebit. MONDAY, MAY 2, 1881. Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 333, 2 May 1881

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