Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
This article displays in one automatically-generated column. View the full page to see article in its original form.


[By Sinecure.]

Beetlecrusher, with myself and another, took a ride on horseback round the town the other day. B. was the possessor of very large feet, and was a poor rider as well. Much to my astonishment, as well as my fronds', he was riding a horse, which, though extremely quiet when iu harness, is well known to be a most difficult animal to manage when in saddle. Several persons met us who knew the animal well, and seemed also greatly surprised to see him on its back. One of the passers-by asked me the reason B.’s horse was so meek and quiet. My friend, who is always ready at a joke, replied, in order ta explain matters, it was “because the horse evidently thought he was between the shafts ! ” There has not yet been a “ satisfactory ” meeting between Beetlecrusher and my friend, but the former, I learn, recently purchased a six-chambered Colt in view, he told the gunsmith, of the approaching game season.

“ I think you will admit that during my whole time of residence I have acted, as far as I possibly could for what I thought were the best interests of the peace.” Judge my surprise, when I perused the above in the columns of your respected contemporary. So his Worship, durin"his whole nine or ton years’ stay in our midst, has been acting in the capacity of a peace officer—a “ full-blown bobby,” as some would facetiously dub him. Wonders will never cease ! I little thought the Russian Secret Police system had obtained a footing in our little five-year-old township.

I believe in fires. One stands a chance of improving the condition of their wardrobe on such occasions. I once made a silk hat at one, I don’t mean at the fire, but at the hotel to which we afterwards adjourned, and the exchange was made much in favor of the other party. But I’m wandering from the subject. Several choice spirits turned out on the occasion of the fire the other night, and en route “ fast hundreds ” were indulged in : a certain ex-publican always occupying the position of whipper in. Their stay at the scene of the conflagration, as } 7 our reporter glowingly described it, was but short, and an adjournment in search of iovigorators followed their arrival back in town. They wore all travellers and boarders that night, but a considerable check was put on them on discovering the night porter had gone to bed and positively declined to be aroused by the incessant clang of the door-bell. However, at this juncture, our friend previously referred to, to use a sporting phrase, “ ran through his field ; came to the front and” —not “ won in a canter ” —but, played burglar and shinned through the diningroom window. The manner in which he tumbled in reminded me of the ‘‘Joey” of the pantomimes which formed the joy of my youthful days. But the climax' was yet to come, for safely inside he yelled out “Last man in shouts,” and the scene which followed was quite refreshing. It was an unfair advantage to take; but “boy—let go the curtain. ” ''' '

That was an ingenious defence of Howard C. J ’a the other day, when the police, like Byron’s A Syrian "came down like a wolf on the fold,” and trotted him up before the beak, for keeping an unregistered poodle. Alas for human hopes ! His Worship couldn’t see that, if there was no registrar appointed till within twelve days of the visit of the minions of the law, Howard hadn’t had a full fourteen days wherein to think Ou’t. Never mind, old man ; when next you argue on the Spirit of the Law, preface the same with an invitation to the “ all powerful ” to “ come and see Quill’s new barmaid.”

Things are dull everywhere, and the Oity of the Plains is no exception to the rule. Recently, to enliven proceedings, two young ladies had a “ dressing competition.” The winner’s time by stopwatch was 3 hours 15 min. 42sec, This is the fatest on record. Young ladies, please note.

This article text was automatically generated and may include errors. View the full page to see article in its original form.
Permanent link to this item

Bibliographic details

JOTTINGS., Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 309, 2 April 1881

Word Count

JOTTINGS. Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 309, 2 April 1881

  1. New formats

    Papers Past now contains more than just newspapers. Use these links to navigate to other kinds of materials.

  2. Hierarchy

    These links will always show you how deep you are in the collection. Click them to get a broader view of the items you're currently viewing.

  3. Search

    Enter names, places, or other keywords that you're curious about here. We'll look for them in the fulltext of millions of articles.

  4. Search

    Browsed to an interesting page? Click here to search within the item you're currently viewing, or start a new search.

  5. Search facets

    Use these buttons to limit your searches to particular dates, titles, and more.

  6. View selection

    Switch between images of the original document and text transcriptions and outlines you can cut and paste.

  7. Tools

    Print, save, zoom in and more.

  8. Explore

    If you'd rather just browse through documents, click here to find titles and issues from particular dates and geographic regions.

  9. Need more help?

    The "Help" link will show you different tips for each page on the site, so click here often as you explore the site.