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[By Sinecure.] A friend of mine has written, asking whether the Governor on his return trip could bo induced to stop at Dromore, in order to receive an address of of welcome, it being the first time the local authorities —a station porter and his assistant—have had the honor of welcoming his Excellency. Not knowing- his Excellency’s movements, I cannot give a decided reply, but would hardly think it possible to leave Dromore out in the cold if the Rangitata Island Railway township is visited.

Myself and another went “ bobbing ” for eels the other evening. We had some good sport, although ii: was a long way +o go, and a rough and wet road to the lagoon. Seated at our post, our friend S 1 suddenly came upon us, singing out here?” (Hie). “Bobbing,” replied I. “ B—b—b—b—bobbing. (Hie). So —so —am —l, I’ve (hie) lost my (hie) road.” After consulting a small bottle which S 1 always carried with him on his nocturnal journeys, we put him on the right track for Ashbuton. Greengage was married about six months ago. Shortly after the happy event, he came to me and said “ Well, old fellow, do you know, that after all, there is nothing like getting married. You feel so awfully jolly, when you know that you have a lovable wife always looking out for you, and ever ready to meet you with a smile,” “ Ah,

that is indeed happiness, replied I.” Wo did not see each other for some time, and when we met, Greegage was not so “gushing,” but still exultant. He gave me the following account, and requested meto get it published for the benefit of husbands. I willingly consented, because wives would then see for themselves how husbands like Greengage managed. Til's is what ho says—“ When Igo out ; on business ’ during the evening I promise to be home at !) o’clock. Half-an-hour later my wife feels uneasy; at ten —aggravated; half-past ten—‘considerably viz,’and recites an address to herself made up on purpose to give me when I come home (N.B. — Greengage says this is the time he is conspicuous by his absence) ; at eleven o’clock —she fancies something has happened ; half-past eleven—tears come very fast; twelve o’clock—unendurable suspense, and Oh ! if she only knew the worst; and at one o’clock is completely knocked up, and goes out to search for mo, when I return, and she says, throwing herself in my arms, that ‘ I am so glad you have returned safely.’” Greengage says this is the only way to prevent a scolding or a “curtain lecture.” I myself doubt it.

There was a gentleman named Gumbottle living near Timarn a few years back who was entirely bald, with the exception of a single lock, which he always combed over the side of his head. He would never have his photo, taken if lie could possibly avoid it. On one occasion, however, some young ladies so captivated the old man’s heart that he at last, consented, in fun, to have a picture taken of the top of his head. It was taken, and about a week afterwards, while passing the photographer’s shop-window, he noticed quite a crowd of people examining intently a picture therein. He stopped and looked at the picture, which was labelled “ Eclipse of the moon, the phenomenon as it appeared at midnight.” Imagine his disgust when he found that the picture was nothing more than an enlar red photo, of his owm bald head, with the black lock running round the edge ! Of course the young ladies knew nothing of the matter.

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Bibliographic details

JOTTINGS., Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 297, 19 March 1881

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JOTTINGS. Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 297, 19 March 1881