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Put Her Back.

The Mudborrow elders had a big spire on their meeting house, and on that spire a copper weathercock. Any change of wind under a gale this weathercock refused to indicate, therefore the Mudborrow elders advertised in the paper for tenders to take down, clean, and oil the Mudborrow weathercock. When the tenders were opened, several tradesmen ran close, 420 dolj lars, 430 dollars, and so on, up to 500 dollars, but Helicon Cobdasher’s document signified his willingness to carry out the work named for 302 dollars. Helicon was a good workman, and His tender was unanimously accepted, through the lowness of the amount, and the two extra dollars |ave the Mudborrow worthies cause for much wonderment. Helicon erected his scaffold, got down the weathercock, polished and oiled it up equal to new, and sent it up to the preacher’s house in a barrow. Down came the parson to Helicon. “ What do you mean by sending the weathercock to my house, Mr. Cobdasher ?” “ Waal, pason, I thought yu mot >vant en now he’s sorter shined up a bit. Look, fetchin’ in the best room windy, pason,” “ But, my good man, Lwe require it replaced.” “Oh ! Think of h’isting her up thar agin du yu.” “ Of course we do ! Why, man, can you be such; an idiot as to imagine we want to keep it down here?” “ Don’t get vilent, pason. You may get sum fixins on hand about as useful, but a darned site more expensiv’ to

keep.” “We expect you to replace that weathercock, Mr. Cobdasher.” •“ Kan’t say as I hankers much of the job. I’m busy about’ teown for a week or two.” “Unheard of impertinence ! We shall compel you under the contract, sir, to replace it immediately ! ” “ Yaas, you may go your bottom piece you don’t! I tendered tu git that ugly copper’cuss down hyar, and clean ah’ ile her arter she was hyar, but I reckon all the ink spilt on that contract don’t h’ist her a foot back agin, anyhow ! ” The preacher and elders met in solemn conclave ; several deacons coaxed, cajoled, raved and stormed at Helicon for a week, but it was of no avail. Helicon told them on their. last interview^—“ It’s ; no tarnal use yewr roarin’aroun’ hyar, gen’lemen, 250 dols. more, an’ in tew days from neow yewr copper-cropped rooster rests on the small end of that spire in sekoority.” “If we are compelled to pay to get it up, another tradesman shall do it not you,” bellowed Deacon Smitthers. “ Sartinly ! If yew wish, gen’lemen. I’ll jist git ray scaffold away tp give em room. Jonas, put the critter in the shebang, an’ four or five of you lads go down an’ shove them sticks off the spire direc’ly, an’—” My dear Mr, Cobdasher, how can anyone get up there without your scaffold ?, “Oh, it ain’t no trouble, bless yer. , Jest stick up one 0’ thar own ! ” “ Confusion ! that will cost as much as their original tender for the whole. Oh dear, dear! Properly refix that weathercock, Cobdasher, and the 256 dols. are youts.” “ K’rect, deacon. Write out the order thar. Thankye gen’lemen. That’s a splendid bird o’ your’s, you bet. It’s a credit to the place, and a bit of a debit to-the supporters of the church *but it’s a fine bird. Good day gen’lemen. Jonas, the first hand, nudged Helicon alter the “ gen’lemen ” left, and whispered, “Say, boss, what was that odd two dollars stuck on the first tender for?” ‘*Tew cover the drinks I’m boun’ to stan’ when this yarn gits loose. Let’s git tew on account, Jonas,” /

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Permanent link to this item

http://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/AG18810214.2.13

Bibliographic details

Put Her Back., Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 268, 14 February 1881

Word Count
601

Put Her Back. Ashburton Guardian, Volume 2, Issue 268, 14 February 1881

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