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Professor Jensen’s Drops. —■ This remedy for all ills was to be expatiated upon on Saturday night by the Professor to a gratis audience in the Town Hall. The drops do not cure that terrible disease called impecuniosity, and as the rent of the hall was not forthcoming there was no lecture. An Unusual Visitor. —On Saturday just after our P.D. had kindled a fire in one of the rooms of the office, a strange and unusual noise was heard proceeding from the chimney. Various surmises were expressed as to what the unearthly sound could be, and it is possible the aforesaid “imp” would not have been much surprised had the form of his prototype, withtheproverbial caudal appendage, emerged from the flames. There was little time, however, for doubt, and as if to allay the anxious fears of all concerned, an innocent pigeon -descended from the aooty regions, and with its plumage considerably scorched through its contact with the fire, winged its way around the establishment putting everything in a state of 4< pye,” an( l every one in a state of excitement. Ultimately the intruder was cap-: tured, and once more allowed to take its flight a in more cogenial and purer atmosphere. ■

Fencing. —The County Council want 50 chains of fencing done on the south approach to the Rakaia Gorge bridge. Specifications for the job lie at the Council Chambers.

Oases. —At the R. M. Court yesterday, Caroline Parish and John Bourke O’Brien, alias John Bourk, were respectively fined 20s. or, in default, fortyeight hours imprisonment, for being drunk and disorderly. The Library Readings. —The reading in aid of the Ashburton Public Library will be given to-night, in the Town Hall, when a complete relay of performers will entertain the patrons, the last item of the programme being a sketch, entitled “ Bumble’s Courtship,” by a lady and gentleman already well known on the Ashburton stage. Tattersall’s.— The opening sale at the new Tattersall’s, Christchurch, takes place on Friday, the 20th August, and we would recommend those who intend to be present on the opening sale day at the grandest establishment of the kind south of the Line, to glance down the advertisement which appears elsewhere.

The “ Wheatsheae” Hotel. —The popular hostelry at "Wheatstone, ©n the road between Ashburton and Waterton, known as the Wheatsheaf Hotel, is about to change hands. Mr. George Willcocks, who built the hotel, and has presided over it over since, is about to transfer his interest in it to Mr. Escott. Mr. Willcocks will celebrate his leave-taking and the incoming of his successor by giving a dinner in the hotel on Tuesday, April 24, at 7 p.m., to which he .invites all his friends. The festivities will wind up with a dance. Ordination. —On Sunday, at morning service at the Presbyterian Church, the elders recently elected by the congregation were ordained in office and inducted. The pastor, the Rev. A. M. Beattie, conducted the ceremony, and addressed the officers and the congregation on the subject of their respective duties. The KirkSession now comprises, including the pastor, seven ruling elders, the laymen being Messrs. Henderson (Methven), Moore (Waterton), Pavitt, Gavin, Reid, and Orr (Ashburton). Racing Club. —A meeting of theßacing Club Committee was held in the Commercial Hotel on Saturday evening, at which tenders were opened for'the fencing, ploughing, &c. of the racecourse, and that of P. Clifford accepted. It was resolved to call a public meeting to consider the advisableness of postponing the usual spring meeting in November until the autumn, as it is probable the next Great National Steeplechases will be held in Ashburton. After some discussion on the subject of letting the course for croping, and the transaction of some minor business, the meeting adjourned Kyle. —An entertainment is to be given on Friday next, in the Kyle schoolroom, on behalf of the library fund of the district. Looking down the programme we are rather agreeably surprised at the superiority of the pieces to be rendered. There are few country districts indeed that can produce without appealling for aid to the town, a programme replete with musical pieces requiring no small ability in their performance; but the Kyle people have a very enticing programme indeed to offer to any one with a shake of music in him. And we know the performers sufficiently to be able to say of them they will do their work well. Entertainment. —An entertainment was given in the Town Hall last evening, in aid of the funds of the Primitive Methodist Church, consisting of a series of views by limelight, and several songs and recitations. The subjects illustrated by the views were “ The Trial of Sir Jasper, and “Robinson Crusoe.” Several songs were sung by Miss Jowsey, and Miss Davis, of Christchurch, in admirable style, and descriptive lectures were delivered by the Rev. A. J. Smith and Mr. Puddicombe. The limelight was well managed and the views were shown very distinctly, but despite the trouble that had been taken the attendance was not too large.

The Christchurch Temperance Hotel. —The contract for the erection of the Temperance Hotel at Christchurch has been let to Messrs. Carmichael and Son, at L 4,000. It will be finished in about eight months. Suicide.— William Henry Langford, a rate collector, at Christchurch, took a dose of strychnine early on Saturday morning, being, as he expressed it to members of his family, “ tired of his life. As soon as it became known, assistance was sent for, and Dr. Townend attended the unfortunate man, who was still conscious, but suffering from spasms. Dr. Townend administered an emetic at once, and then sent him to the hospital, where everything was done that could be to preserve his life. Langford seemed to improve as the day advanced, but he afterwards suffered a relapse, and died at one o’clock on Sunday morning. It appears that Langford had been in low spirits of late,. caused by bad circumstances, and this, it is supposed, led him to commit the rash act which resulted in his death.— At the inquest a verdict that deceased died from taking strychnia was returned. Matrimonial. Some time ago Mr. Hannaford, of Auckland, advertised for a wife for a gentleman residing on one of the islands in the Pacific. A large number of applicants forwarded their photos., letters, <&c., for the coveted boon of wifehood. An advertisement appears in the New Zealand Herald intimating that the gentleman in question has made his selection, and that the young lady Is now on her way to her future home ; and Mr. Hanniford requests the other applicants to call for their photos, and letters. He has informed the Herald that there are several other unmarried men on the same island in want of wives, but are all holding back until they see the already made for the manager of the station. Someone Had Blundered. The Hawke’s Bay Herald, in the course of an article strongly attacking the Audit Department, tells the following story “ A tradesman in Napier had an account for about L3O against the Government. After waiting some time, as is the usual experience of those who want money from the New Zealand Government, a cheque for the amount came down. It was duly countersigned and paid. The surprise of the tradesman may be conceived when, two or three months afterwards, he received a severe letter from the department concerned saying that on several items of the account there had been an overcharge, and that this excess would be deducted. Enclosed was a second cheque for the amount, less the deductions. He was honest enough to return the cheque at once, pointing out that the account had already been paid in full. He has not since heard any thing about the overcharges. ” An amusing- error was recently made by a telegraph operator in England whilst transmitting the report of a speech made by Lord Carnarvon. The noble lord was made to say—“ The worst paid country curate is expected to preach twice on Sunday, with the persuasiveness of a journeyman tailor and the eloquence of a barrow.” Jeremy Taylor and Dr. Barrow were, of course, the oratorical divines alluded to.” Snoboceagy. —Here is one of the best of the recent sayings of Dr. Talmage. When we find a man contemptuous of labour, and acting as though he never worked at all, and as though his ancestors had never worked, we make-up our mind that if we go a little further back in that man’s ancestral line, we will run against a scavenger’s cart or upset a soap-boiler’s kettle.

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Bibliographic details

Ashburton Guardian, Ashburton Guardian, Volume 1, Issue 140, 17 August 1880

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Ashburton Guardian Ashburton Guardian, Volume 1, Issue 140, 17 August 1880