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A NEW AND CURIOUS CLERGY LIST.

❖ The process of extracting sunbeams from cucumbers was, we believe, says the “Rock,” attempted at Laputa, though with indifferent success ; but the at least equally difficult feat of making a “ comedy ” out of the “ Clergy List ” has been triumphantly performed at Shipston-on-Stour by E. G. P., of Newbold Rectory. Here under the unassuming title of “The Clergy List Revised and Classified,” a young lady has produced the most entertaining brochure we have met with for many a day. To Shakespeare’s question, “ What’s in a name ?” she replies by. showing us that a very great deal may be made out of the names of the clergy when subjected to her clever manipulations. Thus she analyses their “ Colours,” and finds there are 70 White to 4 Black, and 2 Blacker ; only 4 Blush (not a tithe of what we should have expected), though 3 are Pink and 2 Scarlet; 64 are Green and 76 are Brown. There are 2 Ushers and ’ 19 Birches to 11 miserable Boys; 2 Flints to 8 Steel. Under Anatomy we find 4 Bodies, though with only 3 Heads ; there is, however, 1 additional Pate ; 11 Temples have only 2 Hairs and 1 Lovelock ; there is 1 Boni-face, but with only 4 Teeth (N.B. Mr. Tooth, of Hatcham, is one of these) ; 3 Bones to 4 Backs; 1 Heel to 5 Feet, 5 Hands and 3 Legs, Only a solitary cleric has any Blood in his veins. All must admit that the “Parties in the Church ” are very unfairly represented by their names, for we find only 1 Broad, 2 Low, and 4 Dry. Of High there is not a trace ! But we get an inkling of what is going on when we learn that there are already no fewer than 14 Abbots, 7 Priors, 4 Monks, and 8 Nunns. Their dresses and decorations are also calculated to excite uneasiness, for Hoods and Capes abound, while there are also 9 Garlands, 2 Banners, 3 Images, 12 Crosses, 1 Crucifix, and 1 Crozier (among 12 Bishops). In the musical department we have ISingers and Fidlcrs in abundance. . Although it is unlawful for the clergy to embark in “Trade,” we find a prodigious number of Bakers, Butchers, Taylors (no fewer than 107 of these, but not one too many considering the amount of tailoring now required), Arc. In the column devoted to “Useful Clergy,” we find Pitchers, Potts, Canns, &c. The Bangs, of whom there are 38, outnumber the Knights by nearly 2to 1. The “ Qualities of the Clergy ” open a very wide field. Here we find both Old and Young, some are Bright, others Moody, 5 are Blind and 2 Cross, G are in Bliss and 6 in Pain, 11 have not ceased to Hope, but there are 4 Brokers, of whom our fair authoress takes no account. There are also 3 Guys and 1 Bogie, 1 Wildman and 1 Wiseman. The clerical aviary is well furnished, for there are 2 Crows, 9 Ravens, 1 Day, 5 Rooks, 1 Jay, 1 Nightingale, 1 Gull, 1 Bunting, 1 Robin (to 3 Wrens), 5 Sparrows, 6 Finches, 28 Martins, 1 Swallow, 2 Doves, 3 Eagles, 3 Falcons, 1 Hawk, 1 Stork, and 2 Parrots. There are many other birds in the clerical poultry-yard or game larder, but these find a more appropriate place with “ The Clergy at Table,” for whom a most liberal provision is made. Under this head (we begin, of course, with the Fish) we have 5 Salmon, 3 Haddocks, 2 Herrings, 2 Smelts, 4 Cods,js Whiting, 1 Grayling, 1 Pike, 3 Roach, and 2 Crabbes. For pieces do resistance we have 16 Bullocks, 7 Kidds, 2 Yeales, (with 8 Bacon, 3 Tongues, and 2 Badhams) 8 Lambs 14 Harts, 1 Stagg, 3 Bucks, 1 Doe, 9 Rocs, 7 Hinds, 2 Fawns, and 1 Eland. For Game and Poultry we have 7 Hares, 2 Rabbits, 1 Cock, X X Duck, 20

Drakes, 1 Gander, 3 Goslings, G S -.ans, 4 Peacocks, 4 Partridges, 7 woodcocks, 1 Coo to, 1 Teal, 2 Cranes, and 1 Heron. The supply of vegetables is very sc;inty, being limited to 2 Beans and 1 Onions. The clergy are not generally fond of made dishes, and accordingly we find only 2 Carries. The supply of sweets is more liberal, and includes 4 Pyes, 11 Rico (puddings, we presume), 2 Jellies, 3 Moulds, and 1 Cake-bread. For condiments we have 2 Pickles, 7 Salt, 1 Mustard, and 1 Pepper. For dessert there are provided 3 Peaches, 8 Pears, 1 Grange, 1 Sweetapple, and 8 Nutts. _ Nor is the cellar department to be despised, for there are 3 Binns, in which are stored a dozen and a half of Perry, the same quantity of Hollands, 1 of Ginn, 8 of Port and 1 of Newport. On the whole, we trust the “ Abbots ” and “Priors ” and “ Monks ” who have settled in our Church will have no cause to complain of the want of good cheer. The above may suffice to give a sample—and it is only a sample—of the quality of fare which Miss E.G.P. has so kindly provided for our entertainment.

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Permanent link to this item

http://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/AG18800306.2.16

Bibliographic details

A NEW AND CURIOUS CLERGY LIST., Ashburton Guardian, Volume 1, Issue 70, 6 March 1880

Word Count
860

A NEW AND CURIOUS CLERGY LIST. Ashburton Guardian, Volume 1, Issue 70, 6 March 1880

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