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CHISPA’S LETTER.

Prom the Ashmnlon Herald, February 14.) “I am not j’ct so bald that you can see my brains.”—Longfellow. No followers ! Such, Mr. Editor, was lie heading of a paragraph in your journal lie other night, and I think it is quite ime that the grievances of the young men lionkl be stopped. I know a swell hero ■ho carries a Malacca cane, and who is distantly pestered by a number of servant iris, who follow his noble form and worship his aristocratic carriage. What an nnoyance it must be to a genteel young lan to have servant girls following him 1 his “ constitutionals,” more especially dien the youth is one of moral proclivities, nd professes to have been affiliated to a blub. ” I feel for the club, as it must have xpcrienced a deal of suffering whilst this Mowed young clubbist was a member. I magine, however, that it must have been ne of those kind of benefit societies got ip in the neighborhood of Petticoat Lane, ,'liere a swindle is perpetrated every Saturday night at the small cost of sixpence a head, and the winner takes the irize. The institution is known as the ‘ Goose Club,” and probably that is the :ind of institution the young man learnt tis manners in. Theatrical matters arc flourishing to a ;reat extent here. It is intended by ;ertain enthusiastic amateurs to build a t'heatre Royal with all the necessary appliances and stage fixtures, to make it uperior to anything in the colony. As ,11 obese friend of mine remarked the ithcr day—just after the Florence busiless —“ Don’t you see, old man, we have ,uch a lot of talent in the place that it is jomul to be a success, and you had better .ako a few shares. Chispa, with the huge allure of the Town Hall (with its income if Ll 4 and interest to pay of Ll 9 a month) lidn’t see it in the same light as the disinguished amateur. But it must be very lelicious to he behind the scones, especially when bottled porter and handsome ictrosscs are in the company. How very virtuous all our pubs—l bog lardon, licensed victuallers—are, when ;hey are caught napping. A case the other lay was brought against one of the virtujus ones for selling nectar, or its colonial equivalent, after hours. Of course he oleaded “notguilty,” and as a matter of jonsequence got off. The police always jet hold of the wrong kind of witnesses in diese cases. -The evidence-givers always swear too much or too little, hut I gave Sergeant Pratt credit for having a bettei knowledge of human nature than to trust lis case to the proof likely to bo adduced Tom the larrikin element. At the same hme X would remark that the crime oJ

soiling “ shandy gaff” (or whisky- for that matter) after hours is not such a grave offence after all. Tlxo iniquity consists in being caught in the act—that’s the mischief. For a night’s amusement the most popular shop I know cf is the Borough Council at its fortnightly- “benefit.” Their wise deliberations over that L 5 cottage ought to entitle them to a statue each at the principal corners of the town. I did think Mi-. St. Hill know better than to value L2O worth of old timber at L 5, but even a Borough Councillor can’t be always infallible. Councillor Robinson’s sage px-oprosal lo submit the old wreck by public auction was no doubt the essence of municipal wisdom ; whilst the Mayor’s onslaught on the “ fair but frail ” ones was not the sort of gallantry 1 expected from a bachelor. That comet has boon the cause of a deal of anxiety to me. I watched for it night after night, but never got a sight of it : and was told that it had disappeared, and I felt proportionately disappointed. However, on Thursday night on coming up in the train I saw it—blight, brilliant, and scintillating right over the township, and I called the attention of some fellow passengers to the beauty of the celestial visitor. It was duly admired by all except one individual who exclaimed “ Why y-oix bald-headed old idiot, them’s the Ashburton gaslights.” His gx-ainmar wasn’t good, but his facts were undeniable. The R.M. Court still keeps up its reputation. Only- this morning there was a passage at arms between a couple of the profession—one accusing the other of “ abusing his position as a legal adviser,” to which the other retaliated by infox-nxing bis learned brother that lie “ was acting in a dirty way-, and he would bring the matter before tlxo Law Society,” Things have now got so mixed up that tlxe R.M. has partaken of the mixing, and this morning ho remanded a man on a chai-ge of burglary- for eight dny-s ! So it appears that we are in future to have Sunday sittings of the Court. Shocking, Mr. Guinness ! Ex-OounePlor Ivess’ element seems to bo hot wator. Sergeant Bruce is going to coma down on lii-.n fox- a big thing—and the ox-connclll-T is just about to mizzle. The “ greatest ’’ journalist of the colony shines in a district for an avex-ago of eighteen months. and then, coxnot like, disappears Farewell, Joe. Take my hles-hug and good wishes with you, and wherever fortune may cast your lot, may you always Lave as loving and faithful a friend as CfIKPA.

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CHISPA’S LETTER. Ashburton Guardian, Volume 1, Issue 62, 17 February 1880

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