me away so much against my will untill you were at least better. It is of no use sending me abroad for happiness all my happiness is centered in that which I so long longed for and it seems of that I am always to be debarred from [crossed out]. The 'Antiquarry' left today. In a way he wished me to go with him. I miss him tonight. I am alone. Members have called, Mr Dwyer of course the first. The Colonel was meeting me at the wharf and saw me home. I spend tomorrow with them. I am storing up a great many little pleasantries to amuse you but I fear they will be all vanished ere I see you. Mr Judge I expect on Monday to take me out there but I will not go