Humor.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1926, 8 November 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Humor.

Working a New Line. A iiUMi? struck Detroit the other day who will grow rich where others of his class will freeze and starve. It has long been a wonder that none of these men seem to know how to take human nature, but here is a man at last. He was yesterday working several streets in the northern part of the city. He made his calls at the front door. Selecting his house, and when his ring was answered he would remove hiB hat and inquire : " Beg pardon, but is this place for sale ? " " No, sir." "Ah 1 excuse me. I was told that it was for sale, although I could not understand why you should want to part with such fine property. This is one of the prettiest streets in Detroit." "Yes, I think so.'' " The air must be pure and sweet here." " Oh, yes." " How nice everything around your house is kept up 1 Any stranger could at once see that the family had taste and culture. Sorry the place is not for sale." " Did you wish to buy ? " " Not exactly, but I know a gentleman who ia looking for just such a place, and I volunteered to run about a little for him. I presume you would want at least $20,000 ? " " Oh, my, no ! my husband values the plaoe at about $9,000." " Only $9,000 1 Beg pardon, but I hope he won't be foolish enough to think of selling at that figure. He might Justus well get $16,000. I see that your neighbors try to imitate your curtains. Ha! ha! Poor imitations ! That is a grand flower vase you have there. I priced one in New York the other day, and it was $600." " Y-e-s," she replied, pleased and smiling. " If I was an art connoisseur I should like to look over your house. Everything betokens that you have made art a study and travelled extensively in Europe. By the way, I'll step in the side entrance for a glass of water, and if the girl can spare a bit of bread and meat I'll be thankful. My long walk has made me faint. Beautiful front view here — taste and culture apparent even in the way this matting is nailed down on the steps. Sorry your residence is not for sale, and I'll just step to the kitchen door." He not only got a square meal, but she hunted him a coat, hat and a pair of boots, and then felt that she was in his debt.— Detroit Free Press,

No Use for 'Em. A citizen of Woodward avenue was yesterday bossing the work of fitting flcreen doors to his house when fa man with a very charitable expression of countenance turned in at the gate and inquired : " Going to have screen doors ? " " Yes:" " To keep flies out ? " " Yes." " Then stop work right where you are. You won't need 'em,." "Why not?" " Beoause I live just back of you on the other street, and this morning I bought a cow. , I'm going to keep her in ths barn all summer, and you can bet your bottom dollar that every fly in thedty of Detroit will put lin bis full time on her back. I had one three

years ago, and she drew flies in from seven miles around, and three different fly-soreeD men sued me for damages for killing summer's business I " — Detroit Free Press.

" Patronising a Peddler." A.N elde; in one of the churche3 was last weelc '!!■>' : w 'ij> it club of subscribers for a Sunday 3c«^ . L .tpir. In his round 3 he called at a house where he found a little girl of 7 at home. He explained his errand to her, hoping to get her name to the list, and she replied : " Well, I'll ask mother, and I'm quite sure she'll give me the money, for she says vte must patronise the peddlera who come along or they will be driven to steal and rob 1 " He hasn't gone back to see if she succeededt

What a Pin Did. Now that the great inventors have " stood in" with the unfair sex in their already sufficiently successful efforts toward deceiving the bifurcated branch of mankind, it is hard to tell whither we are drifting on the great ocean of uncertainty. A firm of rubber manufacturers in New York advertise what they describees their "patent balloon .contours," by who3e aid tho bosom of alleged beauty oan be made " lifelike, both to Bight and touch." The advertisement does not say whose touch, but perhaps we had better touch the subject lightly before our religious editor files an injunction. However, what wo started to say was that it must have "been some contrivance of thia sort that was the matter with a lady who attended a party on Van Ness Avenue the other evening. She was waltzing around the room, fondly clasped to the manly breast of a well known society man, when in one of the convolutions of the glide he pressed her elastic form rather more warmly than usual against the pin that secured his buttonhole boquet. " I wonder what makes the gas hiss so this oven-ing ? " said the young man, glancing at the chandelier. The lady gave a sudden glance at her corsage, turned deadly pale, and pressed still closer to her partner. " Mr. Diffey," she whispered, hurriedly, " just see if we can't waltz out of that door on to the verandah. It is so warm here." This was successfully done, and then sending the perplexed young man for her wraps, the wrecked female safely gained the dressingroom before she had entirely collapsed. This touching little incident teaches us never to despair in the hour of danger and misfortune, and that — that presence of mind ia often a good substitute for absence of body — and thing 3.