WELLINGTONIANA, OB

Colonist, Volume XI, Issue 1125, 7 July 1868, Page 3

WELLINGTONIANA, OB

SKETCHES OF STENCHOPOLIS : E.UI'IBE >.ITT OF THE "BIUTAIN OF THE SOUTH."

The following communication has been in our hands fur several months. Though shorn a little of its fair proportions, in consequeuce of the lapse of time altering the bearing of the political allusions which formed the conclusion, ifc is now published in order that " Impressions of Wellington^ in 1568," may be compared with, those which our lively correspondent experienced about this time last year. With these explanar tions we give our readers the benefit of the gossip:— Being an invalid requiring change of air and scene, and having heard of the beautiful breezes and pure atmosphere of Wellington, I made up my mind to visit that place, and accordingly found myself one morning steaming up the magnificent harbor of Port Nicholson. The rough treatment that we had experienced in Cook's Straits having discomposed my usually placid disposition, I was in no humour to make any particular observations as to the appearance that the empire city presented as we approached the wharf, excepting simply to notice that it seemed somewhat straggling and ungainly. Arrived at the wharf, I left my luggage to the mercy of pursers and stewards, and rushed nshore with a sense of enjoyment to be appreciated only by owners of weak stomachs who have passed a night in those rolling, heaving Straits. So delighted was Ito set my foot on terra firma, that I walked alonsr without looking to the right or the left until I found myself standing on ttio fine hard asphaltic pavement of Lambton Quay, when I thought it was time to make up my mind what course I was to steer, and how I could best acquire information with regard to the strange place in which I had arrived. Whilst standing here hesitatingly, I may inform my readers that, although I propose seemingly to compress my observations into • the events of one day, they are actually the result of the experience of some months which I spent in that City of Smells. The northern or Thorndon end appearing to me to possess most attractions, I started olf in that direction rejoicing in the firm, solid, footing afforded by the asphalte pavement, which by the way is most detrimental to shoe leather, and remarkably fatiguing to uninitiated calves and ancles. Of course it was blowing hard from the S.E., it usually is in Wellington when the blistering N.W. is on lei>ve of absence, and the dust was flying in clouds that very soon filled ears, eyes, and mouth. To strangers this wind and dust are unbeaiwble, but the old identity either are, or appear to be, callous to both. I fancy it is the latter, for never was there a community more jealous of the reputation of their town than that of Wellington ; not a word will they listen to in depreciation of their climate, so it is hurdly to be supposed that they would give utterance to their thoughts should they be in any way derogatory to the character which they wish Wellington to bear as, par excellence, the City of New Zealand politically, socially, and atmospherically. But, though they may repress their thoughts, they cannot at all times control their countenances, which will occasionally give one the idea that the apparent good humor displayed by a thorough-bred Wellingtonian in the face of a tearing S.Easter is not altogether unassumed. Exempli gratia : —A Wellington man (No. 1) and a Nelson man are walking from the wharf towards Tliorndon Plat and they meet Wellington (No. 2), and an Auckland visitor. Nelson : (loquitur) " Beastly hole, Wellington ! In-fer*nal, Auckland grinds out between the grains of sand with whieli his mouth is filled, and there is an honest, expression on their faces which plainly denotes not only that they mean what they say, but that it is a relief to their minds, thus to give utterauce to their feelings. Per contra: —Wellington, No. 1, looks up with a mournful attempt at a smile and remarks, " Fine day this." No. 2, jerks out hurriedly, in order that Auckland and Nelson may li»ve no suspicions that lie is nearly choked with ilust, "Bewful;" bur to a close observer there is evident a mental reservation, he can detect a longing look on their countenances which impresses him with the idea, that in their hearts they envy their visitors who can unreservedly speak their minds. But here am I standing in the wind as though I thoroughly enjoyed it, which I mosl unhtfpitufingly assert 1 do nor,, my only comfort is that it is at my back, and this beirig the case I can continue my tour of inspection. One of the first things that attracted my attention was the handsome aspect, ;of the shops on the Quay, it was not only the ! ornamental work about them that I admired, but they had a lofty, solid, and substantial appearance that was refreshing to behold in these days of sham and counterfeit. However, a giimpse that I caught of the rear of one or two of these splendid buildings nave rise to certain doubts in my mind. Were these spruce, shapely fronts good, honest, undisguised faces, or were they but marks that concealed something not quite so presentable ? Nous verrons. But while my eyes have been fully occupied with the gratifying sight presented to them, my nose has been giving admonitory hints thut there is a something lurking in the atmosphere that does not altogether meet with its approval. At first I am inclined to treat these suggestions aa the result of an over-sensitive-ness caused probably by the uncomfortable recollections of the previous night; but at last the fact can no longer be disguised, there is without doubt (must I write the uneuphonious words?), a most abominable Btink. Looking up to discover my whereabouts, I find myself in the neighborhood of the Club. In so aristocratio an atmosphere, surely the olfactory nerves ought not to be so rudely assailed—what can be the cause? Seeing nothing objectionable on the pavement I cross the street and examine the opposite side, and here to my astonishment and disgust I find a heap of rotten straw and putrid, decomposed matter of every description which must have been accumulating for weeks, possibly months, giving rise to the horrible idea that.the inhabitants of these elegant, ornamented shops and houses which adorn Lambton Quay are in the habit of depositing here their refuse and rubbish within ti dozen yards of their front doors, trusting to nature to get rid of it at her own time and convenience. Disgusted, and with the same sensations' I experienced in the Straits, I commenced to re-cross the street, when my eye was attracted by a black, slimy, filthy stream that was crawling along a small gutter at the edge of the pavement, which as I approached it, gave me notice that I need not havo gone so far to find the cause of the offensive odor of which I had become aware. Being of an inquiring tnrn of mind, I tic once hunted übout to discover the source of tiiis unpleasant looking rivulet. I had not to look far, for on examination I found that in front of each house a trench had been dug across the pavement, in each of these trenches a long wooden box had been laid, and through each ot these wooden boxes the drains of the houses to which they belonged wore conveyed into the public stroet. Having thus traced the stream to its sources, I felt that my curiosity would not be allayed until I had followed it to its mouth, so I wandered along its fragrant banks until I arrived at a large brick sewer, which by a master-piece of engineering skill had been placed above the level of the inky fluid, which very naturally objected to being guilty of so serious a breach of all the laws of Hydrostatics as to run uphill, merely for the purpose of burying itself in a dark and dreary drain, when the more pleasant alternative was open to it of enjoying the fresh air and sunshine ; consequently there it remained to the intense satisfaction of all passers-by, until with the assistance of the clouds of sand and dust, which by a wise and merciful dispensation were constantly on the move in search of rome resting place it arrived at the consistency of oatmeal, porridge when it was c olleoted in small heaps, which after being permitted for two or three days to revel in the process of fermentation were carted away and consigned to oblivion.

By the time I had completed my investigations, I was thoroughly sick of the neighborhood of Lainbtonqnay, and hastened on until I arrived at a cross-street leading up to wards the hills, at the end of which was the Cemetery, looking so pretty and bo peacetul, that I changed my course in that direction, thinking as I

I walked along, what a perfect doctor's Paradise, this town of Wellington must be. That the Cemetery should be neatly laid out and made to look as inviting as possible, is not to be wondered at in a place where the sanitary (?) arrangements are of such a nature as to hold out every inducement for'the hurrying on of the inevitable last journey ; but I was much surprised on reading the table of fees, posted up inside the entrance, to find that in a town whero death is made so easy, burial should be so expensive a b«sinp3B ; the only explanation of-the apparent anomaly that suggested itself to me being, that the demand for room must be so great that high charges could be made with impunity. Here is a copy of the notice :— £ s. Burial, including sexton's fees 1 2 Purchase of site, with registry on plan, per square yard 0 15 Stamp Duty 0 5 So that allowing two Bquare yards for a grave, the sum of £2 175., must be paid for anything like decent interment. Making a mental memorandum to the effect that in case of my feeling my latter end approaching, I should only be doing an act of justice to my heirs and executors by taking my departure for some locality that boasted of a less expensive final resting-place, I entered the gate, and following one of the walks which have been cut through the manuka with which the burial-ground had at one time been overgrown, came suddenly upon the mortuary chapel, a small unpretending building, situated in a deep gully. Ascending the bank on the opposite side, I found on reaching the summit, that a beautiful view was to be obtained of the city, which lay at my feet, so seating myself under the lee of a manuka bush, I lighted my pipe and prepared to make my observations.

Below me, and a little to the left, were to be seen Government House and the Houses of Assembly, the former, something between a barrack and brick-shed; the latter, small, plain, and suggestive of the financial state of the Colony. Further away, and in closer proximity to the sea, stood the English Church or Cathedral, by no means an ornament to the town, but as I afterwards found, the plainness of the outside was amply atoned for by the beauty of the interior. Immediately on my left, and situated on a commanding elevation was the Eoman Catholic Cathedral, the finest specimen of church architecture in New Zealand, the effect of which is I think to a certain extent marred by a plethora of gilt ornaments. It appears to have broken out in a violent eruption of gilt pinnacles, gilt crosses, gilt figures, and gilt hieroglyphics, giving a flimsy, tinselled appearance to a building, which is in reality most handsome and substantial. Directly in front of me, was one of the finest harbors in the world, while away to the right lay the business part of the town, the most conspicuous object being the Wharf. The latest addition.to it, over which there has been so much fuss, appears to be somewhat premature, as it is seldom, if over, made use of; it was I understand, built expressly for the convenience of the Panama steamers, a delicate little attention on the part of the Wellington people which the Company ought highly to appreciate.

The public buildings, many of which are clustered around the Wharf, are not, generally speaking, of an imposing appearance ; the General Post-office of the Colony for instance, being an edifice in the window of which you would not be surprised to see a card bearing the inscription, " This cottage to let, rent ss. a week." The newly reclaimed land will be a great boon to the town, if it should ever be required for building purposes, a contingency which I am inclined to look upon as being problematical in the extreme. Taken as a whole, I have seen few moi'o pleasing views than that presented by the Empire City of New Zealand as I looked down upon it from my post of observation in the Cemetery, but unfortunately my thoughts would revert to the revolting sights and. smells of Lambton-quay, and then, whether it was from the fact of my being placed in a similar position to that of the Poet Gray when he composed his " Churchyard Elegy," or whether the peacefulness of the scene- around me (barring the South-easter) rendered me peculiarly susceptible to poetical influences, I know not, but suddenly there rushed across my mind those charming lines :— , Full many a drain of purest smell Berene, These slight and shallow tubes of timber bear Too few alas! are borne to sea unseen, But waste their sweetness on the balmy air. I may here remark, that some clever, captious critic, may possibly discover some trifling inaccuracies in the above quotation; should such be the case, he will I trust be willing to admit that if slightly incorrect, it is at least appropriate. By this time my pipe is smoked out, so slowly and reluctantly I leave this beautiful spot to visit the town once more, which on this occasion I will do by way of the Terrace. "The first turning to the right after descending the hill," were my instructions, which I obeyed to the letter, but on taking the turn, I had to step over an open drain, through which was trickling a fluid, blacker, thicker, fouler, and more slimy than its brethren of Lambtou-quay, and on looking at the house from whence it proceeded, I saw by the name on the door that it was the residence of a medical man. Of course he knew best whether such effluvia as issued from those drains would be likely to prove injurious to the health, and, of course, also, if in his opinion such a probability existed he would take steps to enclose them; but as he took no such steps we may reasonably conclude that he considered them, if not beneficial, at least harmless, and as I am quite willing in the matter of sanitary arrangements to bow to the opinion of a medical man, when expressed in so practical a manner, I bog now to retract any expressions I may have made use of which might have a tendency to lead ignorant people to suppose that there was anything pestilential, unhealthy, or deleterious in a system of open drainage. Shortly after leaving the doctor's, I camo to a large building having the appearance of a boarding-house, situated on a bank some six or eight feet in height; the kitchen-door opened out on the edge of this bank, and immediately underneath it, and within a few yards of the public road, was a large repulsive looking heap. My curiosity triumphed over my sensitiveness, and I determined on ascertaining of what this • pile was composed. After sundry pokes with my stick, which eliminated an odor that almost forced me to abandon my researches, I succeeded in making an approximate mental analysis of its contents. The following is the result of my calculations: — Du?t and ashes ... 53 #3 Mutton bones... 126 Beef bones ~. ir7 Fish „ ... ... ... 6-1 Ditto entrails ... S'2 Cabbage water ... ... 3;1 Potato parings ~. B*s Dead kittens '.., '~. ~, •£) 100 An invaluable collection for a market gardener, but I trii3t I shall not be accused of over-fastidious-ness, if I express my opinion that it was slightly out of place situated as it was in close proximity to a bedroom window. A few yards further and I was fairly on the Terrace from which was to be seen just below me a pile of huts and hovels which I had some difficulty in believing to bo the reverse side of the picture presented by the handsome shop-fronts on the Quay. Looking from this point of view, I found that most ,of the shops were barn like erections built chiefly of iron, but having fine symmetrical wooden fronts raised considerably above the rcofs, which when painted and ornamented presented the soljd substantial appearance I had noticed from the foreground. Leaving on my right hand some of the prettiest villas and cottages in Wellington, I turned down a road which led me past the " Queen's " Hotel a queer rambling building, all alleys, passages, gallei'ies and staircases, opposite to which a large number of men were at work excavating the hill side, the contents of which were being carted down and deposited on the reclaimed land. It was here that I received a lesson in punctuality that made all the more impression on me, as I had been led to suppose that it was a virtue almost unknown amongst the Wellingtonians. I had arrived at this conclusion after noticing that none of the public clocks seemed to be on speaking terms with one another, giving the idea that a difference of opinion having arisen among ■ them as to the longtitude of Wellington had led to a 'serious quarrel, the result of which was that they took every opportunity of giving each qther the lie.

But this afternoon I was undeceived, at) all evens!) [ with regard to one section of socieI ty~i*tn'e laboring men. I was watching the progress of the WoJks with considerable interest; four or five carts vtetfe only wanting a few shovelfuls to complete their loading, when, all of a sudden, picks, shovels and crowbars were thrown aside, the carts were tilted and dragged away empty, and in less than a minute the place was deserted. So startled was I at the suddenness of the movement, that I stepped back quickly, thinking that the men had perceived signs of an earthquake and feared the hill falling in upon them ; but on my asking one of them what was the cause of this party retreat, he answered with a half contemptuous, half pitying smile that plainly expressed his opinion that the words " with verdure clad " did not apply exclusively, to inanimate nature. " Why, it be five o'clock to i>e but©," I had a desire to enquire of this gentleman whether the same rigid punctuality which marked the advent of 5 p.m. was adhered to at the hour at 8 a.m.; but conscious as I was of having received a most unmistakeable snub, I wisely refrained from pushing my inquiries, and accordingly parting from my friend of the pickaxe, I sauntered on past the Union Bank and. down Willis-street, until thirsty and tired, I turned into Osgood's Empire Hotel, threw myself down on a sofa and very soon obtained an unobstructed view of the bottom of a pewter pot, which five seconds earlier had been overflowing with Dunedin XXX.