COURTESY A LOST ART.

Sun (Christchurch), Volume I, Issue 156, 7 August 1914, Page 4

COURTESY A LOST ART.

Miss Evelyn March-Phillipps, in the "Nineteenth Century" for June, deplores the fact that courtesy is becoming a lost art. "The desire to t>e pleased is universal," she says. "If only the wish *to please were equally universal the world would be a pleasant place to live in,'' and she asks: "Is it really true, as Lord Rosebery declares, that we are letting go of this quality of courtesy oh which so high a value has been set? ,/If so, what is destroying it? Is it;the general increase of -w??ltfr? Heaps of money enjoyment, self-indul-gence, the doctrine that selfish, amusement may be the main directing purpose of life. Old traditions go to the wall, and the doctrine of noblesse oblige is not always strong enough to escape contamination." Miss March-Phillipps, like Lord Eosebery, evidently takes a somewhat pessimistic view of the subject. "The mention of such a theme as this," she says, "has drawn forth the almost invariable comment, 'A lost art, isn't it?' There is a consensus of ' opinion that people can lay claim to the fine flower of culture, to the most exquisite and fastidious attitude towards life, and yet are not otherwise than complacent if they can add the prestige of being called 'the rudest man —or woman —in , London'; that it is not uncommon to? find people in the society that is considered good asserting their security of position by pushing aside those who standjon a more precarious footing; that, if one not N belonging to their peculiar clique swims into their ken, they show their superiority by making him or.her feel thoroughly out of it. DELIBERATE DISCOURTESY. "The writer heard a discussion a few. weeks ago as to whether one of the speakers should call upon the newlymade wife of a distant cousin, a lady of considerable social, and intellectual distinction. 'I used to know heij hus-

band, and his father and mine were first cousins, and very good friends, and I hear she is a delightful person,' she pleaded wistfully. 'I don't advise you to go,' answered her hearer. ' She only cares for her own friends, and would be sure to be rude to you—-she's that sort of woman.' "Deplorable, but-true. A person may be distinguished, clever, charming, and yet lead the way to deliberate want of courtesy. We could point -to such people; men and women of wit, taste, and talent, with the will and the power to gather round them the best that life, socially, has to offer. They can afford pleasure to those they like and throw off the bird and whistle him .back., at will. Such an example is sure of its camp following, and the fashion is one that spreads very easily. Snobbishness thrives upon it, for we have no hesitation in declaring that slights, neglect, and incivility are seldom practised upon those who are of great social importance, and who have much to give. The noisy; unattractive woman, the commonplace, uninteresting man, are received with cordial attention by those who affect to be most fastidious, if their position" is sufficiently exalted or their fortune sufficiently large. "Men are, on the whole, top much in a hurry to-day to spare time for the delicacy of beautiful carriage aud. customs. Some people have a strain of cruelty, and really enjoy inflicting stings. Youth is not uncommonly both stupid and cruel," and these engaging tendencies hardly require the stimulus they sometimes receive, both from example and education. Who has not noticed girls who are the true daughters of their mother, and can stare and ostracise to a modern Siberia a girl who does not* belong to their set? One meets or hears of young men who are negligent, wanting, in courteous observances, refusing to take the trouble to answer invitations, showing how bored they are by old friends or relations. COURTESY AMONG THE POOR. | > ' ' It is sometimes said that democracy ; is accountable for 'the decadence in manners, that in the reaction from servility we find the village girl refusing to 'drop her curtsey,' but go a little way below the surface, and you will still find anxious politeness flourishing; It is indeed to the poor that we must turn for the most exquisite courtesy. How often in a cottage have we not been received with a manner that is ab-

solute perfection? It is a manner thsit.is the outcome of a mind of leisure; fulk of that presence of mind that goes withentire unconsciousness of self, anxious-" to please, and saying instinetiyely the; right and-kind thing;''