FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2069, 19 October 1893, Page 39

FUN AND FANCY.

— It is easier for some men to adjust the finances of the nation than to manage their own.

— Any man may be infatuated with his profession, but the aeronaut has the distinction of being perfectly carried away by it.

— " Yes, I have a position in a powder mill now." "Well, stick to it, old fellow. You may have a chance to rise some day."

— Browning : " Hullo ! I didn't know you were a bicyclist. How long have you been riding ? " B. Ginner : " 'Bout two weeks, off and on."

— " Can't you call again to-morrow ? " asked the debtor. " No," responded the creditor ; " I never put off till to-morrow what ought to be dunned to-day."

— " They say," said Morton, " that it takes three generations to make a gentleman." '• That," replied Montagu, " opens up a pleasant prospect for your grandson."

— He : " How do you like Lord Foppiugton, Miss Barrow 1 " Miss Barrow : " Not at all, He can't pronounce his r's, and I do detest being addressed as Miss Bowwow."

— A Brazilian recently saved his life by carrying a roll of £100 notes inside his vest when a bullet came that way. Yet there are people who neglect so simple a precaution.

— A poor woman went recently, with tears in her eyes, to the clergyman of a parish in Sussex, to complain of a man who died of smallpox having been buried near the body of her husband I

—A : " You went fishing with Miss Angle yesterday, didn't you ? " B : " Yes." A : "Catch anything?" B: "Well, we came back engaged ; but I don't know whether I caught her or she caught me."

— Straw-thatched Youth : " Queer thing about the sun ; they say there are spots on it." Fair Cuddler (spitefully): "Well, I'm glad of it. Let the horrid old thing get a few freckles himself and see how he likes it."

—Mr Hpiker (in search of a boardinghouse) : "There is no limit to the diet, I presume, madame ? " Boarding-house Keeper (proudly) : "No limit, sir. During last year five of my boarders died from overeating."

— "You have a very pcor circulation," observed the doctor, as he held the editor's pulse. " Sir 1 " indignantly exclaimed the editor ; "my circulation is sworn to. Two hundred thousand papers per day is my circulation."

— Eustace : " Will you have me tber>, Eugenia 1 " Eugenia : " Oh, yes ; I suppose so." Eustace: "But you express no enthusiasm." Eugenia : " Bad form, Eustacp. You might be led to suppose this was my first offer."

— He blushed a fiery red : her heart went pit-a-pat; she gently hung her head, and looked down on the mat. He trembled in his speech ; he rose from where he sat, and shouted, with a screech, " You're sitting on roy bat ! "

— He : "I shall never marry until I meet a woman who is my direct opposite." She (encouragingly): "Well, Mr Duffer, there are numbers of bright, intelligent girls in this neighbourhood."

— German Professor of Music : "lam very sorry to see, Mess Fanny, dot you takes so mnch troubles." Pupil : " Ob, not at all." Professor: "Ye«, you do takes so many troubles to play dose notes vich are not dat music book in."

— Frigid Association?. — Gussie : " What is themattah with poor Hawwy 1 I hear that he is weally in a dang'ewous state." Percy : " lie i 3 twuly. He is a tewwibly .sensitive chap, doncherknow. He called on his /tan ee the othah evening, and she was so chilly that Hawwy took the pneumonia. I nevah knew a saddah case."

— A patent medicine advertisement reads thus : " When a lethargic feeling pervades your system, when you have a disinclination to' move about, when you have an abhorrence to exercise, your liver is inactive." This will be glad tiding 3to many people who have always thought they were lazy when thr.y felt that way. Now they will know that it was only their liver that was inactive.

— Reparteo in Court. — Apropos of lawyers abusing experts in the witness-box in murder trial?, the caae is recalled where the lawyer looked quizzically at the doctor who was tesf-.ifyicg, and said: "Doctors sometimes mike mistakes, don't they ? " " The same as Uwyers," whs the reply. "But doctors' mistakes are buried 6ft underground," Mid the lawyer. " Yee," said tbe doctor, " nr-d Ir.wyerfc' mistakes sometimes swing Oft in the air."

The extraordinary popularity of Ayer's Cherry Pectoral is the natural result of its use by all classes of people for over -10 years- It has proven itself the very best specific for colds, coughs, and pulmonary complaints.