BISMARCK AND DOT LOPSTERGRAB.

Otago Witness, Issue 1297, 7 October 1876, Page 21

BISMARCK AND DOT LOPSTERGRAB.

Vonce I had upon a time vone leetle tog py te name Bismarck. He vas fery apsent minded, or apsent inshtincted— vhichef er you like de pestest.

Nefer did I Baw anypody vot was so apsent minded like Bismarck, except yon man vot vas apsent minded in his right hand. He vas a left-handed frient from Q. Vashington Plympton, by de name Prof. Humtydoodle, vot teaches elocootion,und "Depoy shtands auf datpurning deck," " To pc or not to pc," &c, &c. Some peebles said he vas lazy — I mean Bismarck ; but it vas sometimes hard to tell de tifferenoe petween apsent mindedness and laziness.

•Vhen a man gets to work half-an-hour too soon in de morning, maype dot vas apsent mindedness ; but vhen he gets dere half-an-hour too late, maype dot vas laziness.

Veil, Bismarck he vas sitting down all de time tinking about sometings.

Dot recomminds .me a goot deal apout many peebles vot I know. Dey don't can efen light a matches-box mitout slttin down first to talk apout it.

Most togs, vhen his master shtops some blaccs, vould run aroundt und got acqvainted, und got into a political arguments apout sometings mit anoder tog or cat ; but Bismarck, vhenefer I shtops any blaces, he vould sit right town und tink apout old timea. I tink Bismarck's fader on his mutter's side vos crossed in loaf. It vas a cross petween a tom-cat und a rat-tan terrier. Dot didn't make Bismark cross, but it made him loaf a goot deal — he vas de piggest loafer vot you never saw. But at last he proke himself of dot habit — nearly in two pieces. Dot came %o happen apout asfollowing : Vonce I vent inside a oyster saloon in company mit Bismarck. While I am dalking mit a mans in yon corner, dere vas a paaket full of pig hard shell lopstergrabs by dot oder corner derein. It vas so full dat yon poor feller had felled from de inside outside of dat pasket on dot floor down.

Now it seems dot Bismarck had sometings on his mind (or his inshtinct), und he sat down peside dot pasket to tink apout it, right on top of dot lopster-grab ; vhich vas, of course, very unpolite und disconsiderate in Bismark, as well as unpolitics. As a sheneral tings Bismark sits mitout some exceptions down pooty kvick, und gets mitout Borne exceptions up pooty slow. So I am dot time fery extonished to see him shtart suddenly up, as if he had made up his inshtinct to pc lazy not any more all de rest of de days of his life, und he rushed de door oxit so qvick as a lightning rod, \md dot lopster-grab had grabbed Bismarck by de glaw, und Bismarck had grabbed him by de tail. Und dot rascally humping villain he took a free ride for notings on Bismarck's tail.

Veil, dot vas pooty hard auf Bismarck, but it va3 pooty harder auf dot poor obstinacious animile. He shased Bismarck all ofer town, dwenty-sofen miles an hour — und a half.

Vhen Bismarck finally got home he vas almost yore out, und dot poor lopstergrab he vas gompletely yore out — notings vaa left 01 him but vone glaw, und dot died pooty soon, und Biamark eat it up. Bismarck nefer recofered de use of hia tail. It vas gompletely ruined. If it not had been amputated soon aftervards hia feelings vas so hurted dot mortifycation vould slitrike in on him und he vould haf died nmype mit a proken heart. Howeler, fortunately, iv vas amputated

accidentally mit a circular saw aill in a lumper yard. Dot leetle incident gomplefely proke Bismarck out of de habifc of Biting down and tinking. He shtill tinks : goot deal, esbecially apout sitting dowa ; but he nefer does sit down not anymore nowatays. He eats shtanding up I tinks he vill die shtanding up, und den I vill pury hin— if 1 can find him — shtmding up.

Moral. — Nefer sit dowr on de top of a lopster-grab, on account dot insect has dwo glaws, und he vai nefer apsent minded apout sometings— in eit'er vone of dem. — Yon Boyle.