BIFFS AND BRIEF TOPICS

NZ Truth, Issue 1293, 18 September 1930, Page 4

BIFFS AND BRIEF TOPICS

His Previous Ways T'HE Chinese greengrocer who palmed *• off unsound bananas on to a customer probably thought that he "knew his onions," but when the magistrate had finished with him he had to "eat the leek!" # # * Her Main Supports PABLE headlines from Paris: — ACTRESS WITH £100,000 LEGS HUSBAND TRIES TO CANCEL STAGE CONTRACT - No one will be able to deny that she must be a lady of very substantial standing. ■ *' # * Howling Valves ~~ ; ' QNE reason put forward for the falling birthrate is that the radio set occupies the place m the home once held by the cradle. This is merely exchanging one howl for another! # * # A MAN once married a girl for a bet. Three months later was a pronounced anti-gambler.

Mistaken Generosity PONST ABLE:— "The thief borrowed a ladder to break into the house." It- should never have been lent for that purpose. It's An 111 Wind TT is foretold that the next war will be ■*• one between machines. There will be one advantage. They cannot write autobiographies. * * * Nursery Rhymes Re-Rhymed Little Miss Muffett, she thought she would puff it, But found that it didn't agree, - Her angry Papa found he'd lost his cigar, And his daughter was losing her tea. There was a little girl, And she had a lot of curls, But. they all grew carroty red, She wanted her locks dyed, So she bought some peroxide, And now she's pie-bald instead. Little Jack Hornei', he chewed m the corner, Till told that he must not eat, Then he put , m his thumb and pulled out his 1 gum, And parked it under the seat.

Getting Down To Essentials £ONSIDER the consistency of a Scotsman. At a recent function, Sandy was asked whether he would take tea. * "No tea," was the reply. "Coffee, then?" "No coffee," said Sandy. "Whisky and soda?" "No soda" came the answer. » * # "Back To The Land" CONTEMPORARY'S captions: — ON HIS KNEES • AGENT'S ENTHUSIASM SALE OP SECTIONS Thex'e's something to admire about a man who gets down to business like that.! • * * # The Risk He Ran AN altercation between an hotel chef and his pantryman .ended m the latter falling over a saucepan. This caused him to get into an awful stew! # # * ONE reason why the Earth is always V^ referred to m the feminine gender is because her age is so uncertain.