THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 76, 1 December 1906, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who can lihdauhted brave ttte- Critic's '.ragts? ; Oi* note unmoved his inentiori m the Critic's po'g ? Parade.his error m tho public eye? , ' And Mother G-rundy's rage defy ? r * ."Strike me lucky," is the popular catch phrase among Auckland:oitram'men iust.riow. .. ' i. '„■ : ■'■ ••■ .■•■■-. ;■*' '• * ' ;'■' ■•'. '■■ ••■■■' ■ ; ' In notine, the .decease of ■» a respiioied j lady. a. .contemporary sadly remarked;; . "She died from some infernal trouble:". Poor dear ! ' ", ■=:.:, ». ' .;■' ■ ■.•■.'.■"•■•.; •. ' • •. ■ ■' ' •'-'•'.. : ; :' :; If the . fish would but swallow his' bait.ks '.readily ■! as the newspaper ,niinions swallow his reputed, kj. eat Catches' ;the ; -"ril-le Vangler - would be: a Jiappv; man indeed.' : ;'.. • ■V : '. V. ': :■■■■'-'■ ••. '• "" ' • ■'' * ' : "- ' * ■ ; .- ';■■'. ■■ ; . ; :,> lA- . recent obituary notice, m the Auckland ' ' ' Erald " stated ■that ; . the. ■ nr-t.y.jwho. had. just pushed his barrow, ov&r; the; border^ had been: .. m repeipt of ■ an: ■ ? army pension for 63 years. ,'Twas ■about time he. . "handed m; his m l; "-;-. :^"-.': ;'.;■,'; ' ; ..-., '"-.^ -... : ■■ ,; .*''. '■.■•; ' . •;' ■. : ..' « ■' . •/■ ■'« ■■■ '■■ - ; . : '-'Did he ; have ' ; a 'beard ?." askedA;uckland , Crown ■ Prosecutor - of ; a--f v witness; !•" Yes, he^had it: beer ''Vihnbcentlv. .answered -the witness; ' : "I)id he ;have Whiskers ? ' ' hqwled;. thq >C;P:. apjain... adding,!, wai'ning•lv. '■ "now don't' telK me hey had - :'•• a whisk> •''■;';;; ■-v. ; Vv ; v-,':i,^:.'. ; '- ..V . : -.; : : ■f -'■:■:' ' ■». •' :'■'.. : , ':,■;.■ • ; v'-- : '.. • - ■■■■' ' ■■■ ; ■ PEARLS OF PACKINGTOWN; ; Ciipiditr is the god. d' Armour. ; 'Tis a'-- ■'■wise;/ potted tliickcri that linowfj its. .. pv, ; -h :fathei-. ■ ■•■'■'• ' ■ Half a veal' loaf, fe worse than no bread ...•■■■ •' ';.-■■• ' ■'■>; : ; - : . .■..■.-■■■ ;'•■ , A sausage is all -things for all men. ■You can , make a picnic dainty put of a' sow's ear. ,• ■; . : :■".. '. '■■■;' • : It's never too late; to can. ■ ■ •.*•; ■■ : » : :-'' ; '■;"■'•■■■ : . ■ • ■■.■:'.- ' ' A: "gentleman," .who 'is anxious to ■returh.! i :to;^tt^^d;^'h'as:'-b6en'-' : ad'ver.tisr i ; ing jin ; Auckland, i^vJEfald"; fpr x^eeks. ipt^ jpb.na| :^stewardj,pr^yalefr'fpr pas-; n fei< ;^l^ r^|^ : ■ thjs^; ' '^enjtle-^ riian: *■". hasn't "gcit baciobbne""eribuKh'r in ' his" carcase 'to ! bu6kle- to and earn the twelve quid .necessary vtp/ obtain a trip to the Old;. Dart.' Whirh is a pity, for thei colony can do nicely without such <rentry as he. ..•'.■■■ .'■•; '■ ■ ■ • ' : .^: . ' '■■' ■*' ■ , ■ * ' • '■ • A Maori from Te Awamutu was Riven , a year's ..imprisonment at Auckland for assaulting another brownskinned . gentleman. The evidence, showed that as ','utu". fpr a: bitten finger prispner jumped pn his ppponent and half-killed him. In olden times a . bitten finger would have meant war between t^o tribes. :Perhaps ■ ciyilisatipn, , . with -its „.t welve months' jugging, is the': better M&tlickl. But it isn't so exciting :by long chalks, 'ri : ; ; .. • ■. ■■■: '.;'. ■'*■'■*:.'■ :'■■.[ •■.•■■' .;-■.■>, : ; : '- :i '. ■■:",.■ Ye gentle wowser. A native of New Zealand, aged 33 and named Albert Frederick; Sheltpri, a i^plumber, was sentenced/, to two months'- hard labor at the; Water : Police ; Court; ' Sydney; on. November. 2. .f0r indecently exnosing ■hiniself to, three little girls. He had alread y ' been ■ tiried/ arid acnintted on a ' charge "of ind'eceritly as-saiiltinß-the" children, who- were ' aged: ■■>9 f . ; 6 and -5 years.: He .got a notable 'fcharacter" from people" 'who; only, knew him; as aSunday;-schopii,tea,oher and regular church attendant:' : . ' ■ t .,y] ■' : ■■*■. / ■■'..-■/• ■ ■ ; ',; : - : *r •'■ ■ ;' .■V In ■a ■ purely personal , case;: . ; -as that , of the child-seclucer , Fitzrby(senteneed. so absurdly "leniently last week, by: t?he Chief justicej^: aiiy .statiement, handed m' by the accused" should be offered by. the judge' -to "tu'e; vprosecuting counsel and pare.nts of the girl" concerned,'.', for peimsal/ ■ Evidently:; this callous/, scoundrel ; wrbto : ; .something thait V greatlyvinflue.nced the . jiidge. .arid the proJ^cution should :have/ 'had; the ortimity ' of .- trayersing; his statements, ; :which, ,m all, probfebiiity rfer: fleeted •unfavorably on : the character of the ruined faniily pet of .15; y'eais: :■- .•-..:..-.■ : v •■...';■ ....■,« - .. The, failure of the tug Champion to find the abandpned steamer Port Stephens has accentua,ted • the; brutality arid stupidity -.of the, finding of - the Enquiry ; Board on ; the, subject, of 'her a^aridbniri'ent, wherein. 'tlie.captain was censured and .cast in" 'the costs, for not staying aboard , the. disabled, yessei, and drifting-^witli' only a / fortnight's nrovisions-^finto tlie hideous Antarctic. It is . very doubtful, if .the. vessel is ever found , unless by the . merest accident she/ge-ts i. docked; in; the ice and a discpyery ■expedition! ccmes acrbss her. That Board badly wants plan-, in?;-- '■■■ :' ■■■'■•" -. ./' ' ■■'■''■■ ■ .'■'■ •■ ■ ■ ■ ■■ ■. . '"■ .■■'• '-. .■■■■ ■':■ : :<; ■'■■ ; .. •:.■•"'■ ■■' . . The 'Chief Justice.:, of New - South Wales; says that, lie has been much f-hocked-atsGeinp;; cases i ! -.ih .which men | out of work ■ Md. been r • attached / 'for j non-payment ; -of- union. .subscriptions, . I which siinpiy>mearit;that the; men had j ( to larieuish m gaol.; , : It! is just as 1 well ;the\ Chief Justice .should, direct ' public;; attention tp.Vthe spulless Shy- : locks of Jthbse who/are/ yearning for ; the ' Socialistic' .era. 1 and the brother- ; hood • of man. Certamlv; without So-, 'cialisni thpv don't . much of the ;■>:'*) rit' nf'the brbJherh^nd, ■ The unions. i - -, fn (•<,. are as hardasthecrueU'est landlord or hill :'of' sjile holder and [have as little bowels- of compassion. . ■.-,;■•■ : ■■ ' ■ ■■'•-" ...: :.■'■■...■

■ "The expert witness is :uSuall|; a bally .frau'd,vv.; -- ; v>. ; > :..v- : i ■:i;^s^*;^?f^^:- - - ■i-*t^: X ' < ::. '.''■'■«.■ ■■':-.' „ '.-. ;^is:: but a li^ie^fadeil^flou^fahutik of !^tale. breadJ - . '■ , ; . •. ..'.■' '*■ ■. ■•' ::■"•' ■ ', • ' ■ - ■ " . Coincidences are the essence- oE, circumstantial evidence. '. Miss Grace ;Palotta f told a reporter of the Hastings "Standard" that Hastings was the most go-ahead town she had struck on the tour , and the guileless youth believed her, too ! . No doubt her radiant smile hypnotised •■hinU' ■ . . . •' ' .. .';/.:'. ■" ■..'■■• ■'■.- :i . ■'.' ,-.. , ;. . : ._ ... ; „ .•■■'. \ . .»t', J ■.-•'■■ ■.;•■.; k Whatever the qualities of State coal as a fuel, it is not; a success as a, : 'ton-dressing- for footpaths. The manager', might, make a note of this, and leave a little less . of the/commodity about the/Manners-street" entrance . to the yards." . ''•'./'■. ; - ":;'■'. i- ; V>"'yV •'■: . ■■•', ' •"'■ * ' '■ .■.-'■■:• .' :- ''■■ •■ •.'■■ .-. ■•'■'.-' ■' '-.'The .latest. Carnegie:, cadge conties from . v ßaetihi", ■■■where. -'a bite -is arranged at the . plute; . person for £3000: for a free public library. This free library cadge is becoming chrorii^ m N.Z; and. n:ives the lie direct to our boomed prosperity. • ■• .-" '•' '-.': ■ v * ■' ■.' :•!■' ■•"■.*' ■•■ ; - :'•■' •'■■■ . . : ■ •'■'•'■ • Thps; the Alexandra "Herald" : ''Another fad has stricken .our 'young qolo'nials'. Appearing under the heading of "Engagement" ;in one of, our Dunedin contemppraries is a notice' to the effect that Mr So-and-Sp is .enfiiaged to Miss — — . What next !"'■ Well if "Critic" is any iudge; it will be. twins. Magistrate McArthur complained at the Police Court that suitors were becoming altogether too fond of having .their cases heard in ' camer a and he did not intend to encourage it. Certainly not ; the m camera, cloak' covers many sins that want daylight shed on ' them and the worthy rnagis- : trate's protest is timely. ! ' "' -■ .■"■ **'. : "■ ■ ■"• : .. '■'■; : .■••'.'■ ■'.'•■' .Recently the police stepped m -and prevented of , an/ art ; union ' by''the;' piaririeyirke^Bras^ ; ;Barid,;;fbr- a^ Matin quilt, worked- m. art^^,;needieworkv-hand-pilnted"; il6w^r^sta^dv^ ; 'and ' carved tea tray; -m aid? of a new instrument fund. The Band has now to : return to the, ticket holders their money, amounting, to £40". The power pf the parson m the land again. But just wait till tliey want to work the raffle racket at a bazaar. Even the police-. would"' not -.dare interfere. .On the occasion of a recent search for a missing article m a shed at the rear of the Gore; ',,' Ensign" office one of the staff happened on three bottles of English beer. v Fearing the good name pf, the journal might be seriously ;endangered through ,< police raid, and' : . recognising : .'■: that - temptation, shdtiid; be prpm^tly removed out of the : iad's way, -a-'iSenipr- iniemtfer. of the Staff cbmhiandeero4 the find, ihus-kil]-ihg two birds; with one stone, as' it were. The: subsequent. fate of the ale is ah ihipehetrable mystery. ■ . v : Greymouth wharf laborers are very sore about the ; treatment N meted out to one of their number, named' White, .by : V ; the-;V-'-tJnibn- i; -:C.bm'i)any.- l s--,fpremari.-White, so his mates allege, was, with others; called up at tnidnight to work 's\'\ sliift, but rain ■'•■prevented 1 ,; unloading. The following 'shift was manned by those who had had the midnight call, v/ith the; exception .pfvWhite, whp; for no reason at all, was 7 told to stand down. iThe Union should sift this, matter • . to the; bottom and ,see that every man gets a- fair deal. • • ■:'!•■: ''■.-'■ ■"'.'. •■■■'•■.'■'• '■'■'■ :••'■■ ■■ ■.: ♦ ■...■■:.■■• -'.■.•'■' At' the ■■iftstah^'; ; oi ; :'.'fc^e..--'Trijarii- In^spector f a • widow ■. woman f rom Ohingaiti, ;witli n ■Small baby m her arms, Was charged ' at the, Manßaweka Court recently with 1 failiivg ;tp ':■ send tw 0 . of . her 'children tp' ; school. ;■: This case was a.' ; safl • onej inasmuch" as one- r 6f . the children had' been : repeatedly sent home ■fi?ptii ■■ sclibdl :.,oh acicount"o'f: : ill--health, Be'iiig; without shbesi'fthe -tnptherf ih: order : -to ' raisi .the inonet . to 1 purchase them,;! had . . sent ■ ,^lie; fpr ; a few day§ to a 'neighboring farm to work m a shearing shed. Not having the necessary exemption, ■ ; a- charge: was laid and a fine of 2s m each case was flicted -with • costs, Hand ■ the Beaks ■themselves 'Paid: the ■"■■fine; - And yet visitors to the' colony go away; thoroughly satisfied that, there is no poverty m "God's' Own Country." - ; . ■ ' . ■ • ■ • ■ ' ' ■ .'*..'..* . • ' ..'■■: i The extraordinarily intimate knowled(?e on all sorts of matters, possessed by the : brilliant intellects who sub-edit ithe cables, m our daily newspaper offices, must- strike -the least observant. F'rinsf ; ance.:.; Last week .both papera called Humphrey Oxenhanr "Hugh" (which .fact ', suggests -the scissors) though, there is; no. more widely known man :in: Australasia— they might as well write pf Sir Thpirias Ward or Sir 'James Deakin— and on Monday the "Times" gravelyinformed its readers -.■-.that the yacht Rawliiiti was. "built at. Auckland ...for a. ia-ominent Melbourne sportsman. ". , As j a fact, she built there .for Mr A. T; Pittar.' the ex-AuckJand deriti^tr yachtsman, now of Sydney, and ythat ho one on the .staff of the morning educator was aware ;0f a -New Zeav land item of that nature, argues thatthe "Times" sadly needs .. •■-■;.-■'.. -.vlj.o-'. knows something besides the movieiments of the Nonconformist clergy.;;;:

• "iThe , mppt : .- : -spiriti>^o£ <U& tet"day^'i l is^tr6l'^'"r,-^' J: '"''-' '■' ''■■:• .■'.'."■" Preiimii\ary -hymh 1 iib rev. north's anti-gambling sermon : •■ " ''Malice, where art thou?" . A company has been formed m Cambr.idge, with a capital, of £300, m £1 shares- to< conduct an egg laying competition. What? .Another gamble ! Hey,,jay\ jay north, are ye list'nin' ?'■ . .-. ■■■■.■ ■-.*.. . : , •••..■'• ..».;■ New Zealand is a true democracy. The people; reject Dr. Findlay as a ! representative, m open election, but they have him thrust upon them as a re'snpnsible. Minister by the Government. ," „ From the "Post" ... : "Wanted, woman do combined .washing and. ..mend-" inn; three, ladies: 'Apply,: evening, — ' .Hotel;,;, ..vduba'Tstreet." Washing no doubt ;■ imperatively necessary ; but wonder what caused three ladies to require mending. .■'"■" ..,'■' .-«'. .; ■_-.■ " • '..._ ■...#■.;. Recent advt. m a Taranaki paper : : "Wanted, Rood milker/ to milk 25 cows.-. Wares 27s 6d. Must be capable or need not apply." This pans out at a fraction over Is per., cow for 14 milkings, and of course. the milker would be expected to fill m his ■spare' time at odd- jobs. "God's own' Country".. all right— for the man who owns. the. cows.'- --;.. :: ':-V:'. /*;■ ,'■ ■■•'■' * . '*,'■■■ ;:"■'■ ... . C.J. Stout was very wroth at the Criminal Court last week over the fact that a convicted forger, ; who. had been released on probation and had committed another . crime, had not been brought before the Court for his original sentence. "Critic" of cannot say for certain, but it is likely that if that law was pushed to extremes judges m N.Z. would have a busy time of it. : ■A- '■ ■'". *'■'•' :'-':-V-.*" •■.'■•'• " • -■'■■': Magistrate McArthur, ..last Tuesday morning, roundly rated, an individual ;named-\-Allbriffh,t";.'ior;:.-havmg- put the Iresting-1 resting- : his-. own companion for the alleged paltry vtheftwbf fca if oul ■;, jpripe;^ 'andr a v bit ; of to^ ba'ceo'. Why didn't the magistrate rate the police also, who acted onAll- • bright's shickery charge '.? 'Their fondness for cases and convictions obsesses whatever good siense they^ possess and a .; spirit., of fair-play is "unknown m many of their oversrrpwn carcases. ;. ; The Opo.tiki "Herald" is; grimly sarcastic on the yellow peril, question and winds; up a leading article with the following biting sarcasm • and home truth, combined : "We think we v are hardly; sufficiently philanthropies to allow ourselves to be swamped by the heathen Chinee of even pur "dearly, beloved brother Jap." Of course: from a. hiffh standard of morality this is wron?— but we are only human after all— very human 1 when it comes to a struggle for one's bread and butter." The ruin.of . the; sohbol-giri victim of the.- heartless betrayer, of innocence, John Fitzro.y— who "-.was: sentenced; last week to 18 months' impnsohmeiit for carnally knowing; -a girl under 16^-is directly : attributable. to the curse of, hiph rents, Had the/ child's parents hot been compelled to let off . a room to help pay; the rent, . Fitzroy 's . brother/and 'his wife would riot 'have entered the hanDy household and the girl would never have met . the wrfetch who is how very cheaply, expiating his crime. , | ' ■ . -. •', i v : ;.-;.■> •'■ ,;■ •.■■■..«• ■■■:.. /■■'■v . ''^v ■■ / U.S. Government flouted its i President when it prosecuted Mormcjii •Elder^ Congressman ■ Joseph ; Sniith 'for "unlawful .:; cohabitation." , Joe. has had nine dear wives— all at once^andgiven forty-five ; hostages to Fortune," and if i he ain't a good- .citizen, m the li£ht of Roosevelt's- "keep; the cradle f till ' manifesto ; then what would be? Oorigress. should have .voted J ; pe a surcingle and a pension instead of. having hjm fined ; 300 , ' 'dallars. ' ' But I guess he kinder reckons' all the fun he's had was goldarn cheap, sir. at 300 wheels. Faney > nine- wives and forty-five kids, for sixty quidsies. Oh, lead me to Salt Lake City !■ : ' .'. ; Know ■ this is' a chestnut," but it will bear repeating and moreover, concerning a bishop, it gives a sort of., ecclesiastic •tone to these otherwise secular columns, and/ it will dpubtleas deeply interest our friends the clergy of '.N.Z,,- who never by any chance, miss their "Truth:" To the story. A' certain* bishop, with a whimsical appreciation of the odd little, ways of women; tells the good story of a kindly housewife who discovered that the dignitary who was her guest, had a taste for hard-boiled o~*s.. His -hostess . went into the kitchen to: see to them herself, : arid while ;so .engaged she. began to sing the first i verse of "Rock of Ages.." Then ' she ]• satis: .■•■■. the second verse, the 1 bishop ■'.joining m from the near-by sittingroom;" When it was finished there was! silence. . The housewife cams into the room a few minutes later carrying ■ the f eggs, and the bishop re-. | marked.- "Whv -not , sing the' third : verse ?" >■ "The: tMrd verse ?" ■ she ; renlied. . "Oh. that's not necessary." "I, don't understand, ' ' said the bishop. "Why, you see," she renlied, "I al";ways sine' one : verse for soft-boiled jand two for hard-boiled."