A TROUBLE-SEEKER

NZ Truth, Issue 67, 29 September 1906, Page 6

A TROUBLE-SEEKER

Finds the Search a Simple One. The man who gets into trouble at two o'clock m the morning should curtail his hours of nightly recreation. One Arohie Gardiner, a resident of Ross, down on the West Coast, is hearing this m mind just now, having discovered that late hours (or early hours next morning) aren't conducive to happiness or physical beauty. He got his face smashed to pulp lately, and naturally is feeling sore about it. Ross Js a roily place when there is a social on, when the beery bumpkins take charge and enjoy life to the utmost. Archie [Gardiner experienced a mixture o£

sweet and sour on the occasion mentioned. He left a social and made for Roberts' hotel shortly, before 2 a.m. on Sunday morning, endeavoring to gain admission. Riit they wouldn't let him m, a iKl then Tie went and tapped at the parlor window, thinking that he heard his brother's voice within. He called to his brother to come out, and as there was no response, and he couldn't get a final nip nohow, he threatened to smash the glass. This he eventually did, and then had to run like lightning dodging its shadow. He made for his old man's house, but his sprinting education was neglected m his youth, and the Roberts family copped him m the yard. He didn't know till then that the Roberts farriilv comprised so many human beings. There was John Roberts, and George Roberts, and two sisters, and the mother, Elizabeth Roberts, who carried IN HER CAPACIOUS FIST an old water-tight boot, with which jto deal it out to" the window-smash-er. But she didn't have much opportunity Nis her. two sons had Gardiner round the v neck and were pounding at his face with their fists like a blacksmith and his striker belting at a piece of hot iron to quick time. The maltreated man was yelling "mur-^ der" at the bop of his throat, and his brotlier .got out df bed and went to his assistance. Next door neighbor Poster also appeared on the scene, but when old woman Roberts bashed him on the jaw with her water-tight ' boot he soon decided that it was no place for him, and he did a streak for his own back yard. Gardiner's brother was getting the victim inside the door when the old lady, who had .been skirmishing round, egged on by one of her daughters, biffed him under the eye with the same old boot, and inflicted ' ' A GHASTLY. GASH. Archie Gardiner presented a hideous spectacle, 'being a mass of bruises. He had a go at the family for assault and battery, and after stating his case. to Acheson, S.M., old woman Roberts said m defence '• that when she refused to let complainant m he used disgraceful language, wanted to fight those inside, and threatened to demolish the window, which he did. The beak said that no doubt there had been gross provocation, but the | two sons shouldn't have assaulted Gardiner m the manner m which they did. Two on t6 one was unmanly, and had there not been provocation' ihe would have sent them to gaol for •two or three months. He fined them a couple of quid each and half soy.' costs'. Mother Roberts, for biffing Gardiner's brother with her famous watertight boot, was dealt with similarly, and then she turned round and apologised to him. So their early Sunday morning frolic cost ithem the price of many swankies. It struck Acheson like a bullet hitting a target' that .others than boarders were m, the hotel long after closing time, but as there was,, only jone peeler m the district, and he had to have, a doss and a doze sometimes, it was difficult to give pubdom that attention it deserved; Possibly Ross will apply for another uniform now. •In the meantime Mrs Roberts' watertight boot is an object of interest m the public bar.