THE CITIZENS' CATECHISM.

Free Lance, Volume XVIII, Issue 971, 27 February 1919, Page 8

THE CITIZENS' CATECHISM.

Bolshevik Style.

A RE you a true Bolshevik?-—I am. Are you a Pacifist, a Conscientious Objector, a Twister, a Leadswinger, a ; Shirker?—l am. Are you of opinion that every worker should be provided, at the expense of the ratepayers, with a £1500artistic bungalow, free coal, electriclight and gas?—l am/ What wages should be paid to theCorporation labourers ? Two guineas a day, the working week to be 3& hours, with free lunches and tobacco j—and four smoke ohs a day of twenty minutes each. What wages should be paid to thoso hardy sons of toil, the tram conductors? —Three guineas a day. What is your general policy as to the trams?—A universal fare of one-half-penny to all "workers." The '' bourjoyce " to pay a shilling a section. What is your 'definition of a worker? —One who attends the Red Fed meetings regularly, and says ' 1 ditto ,y to Comrades Semple, Holland,, and Fraser. What should be done with the Town Hall?—lt should be granted free of all charge to any '' Labour' T unions which -may require it. , What is your policy as to the Public Library?—lt should be closed ati once unless all publications that are "capitalistic" are tabooed. Free beer should be supplied to all who use the public reading room to gather really useful knowledge in the shape of the latest racing news. 'What do you think of a Public Baths scheme ?—Quite unnecessary. Let thebloated capitalist provide his own: " luckshoories." What would you do with the returned soldiers?— Compel them to jointhe "Red Feds." and vote as the committee tells them. Otherwise no jobs. What should be the first duty of the new City Council after it has been "captured" by "Labour"?—To send a cablegram to .Lenin and Trotsky asking them to come out to the Dominion at the ratepayers' expense to show us how to run Wellington in the interests of the "proletariat," and to head a movement for the extermination of theNew Zealand "boorjoyce" and to introduce a Bolshevik "marriage" system. What is "Boorjoyce"?—A man who is fool enough to prefer honest work to> loafing soap-box oratory, and to save his money instead of squandering it. What is a true Democrat ?—A Red Fed. None others are genuine.

The candidate who answered as' above will probably come / safely through the Hied Fed. ballot.