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Hot Lakes Chronicle, Volume 2, Issue 124, 1 May 1895, Page 3

.Why his face was red.—An Irish piper who now and then indulged in a glass too much was accosted by a gentleman with ' Pat, what make*, your face Sj red ?' ' Piase, yer honour, 1 always blush when 1 spates to gintiemeu.' Among the various articles formingpart of the succession of the famous Dutch physician, Dp Boerliave, there was a carefully wrapped and sealed packet bearing this inscription : ' The only and most profound mysteries of the medical profession.' When his library was sold by auction, the packet was disposed of for ten thousand tiorins. The purchaser took the parcel homo and opened it in feverish haste. After unfolding an immense number of wrappings, ho lighted upon a sheet of paper containing iheso words, ' Keep your head cool, your feet warm, be regular in your habits and you may defy the doctors.'

Precept.—Loving Mother (to gluttonous son) ; ' I don't think you want any more, really, dear. You won't be ablo to eat it if I givo it to you.' Tommy: 'Oh, yes, I shall, mother. Besides, what has father told me ? Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day.' The word last.—This word is as great a contradiction as wo have in the English language. The ship was fast because the ice was immovable, nd the ice disappeared fast because fc was loose. A clock is called fast when it goes quicker than time, but a man is told to stand fast when ho is required to remainstationary. People fast when they have nothing to eat, and eat fast consequently tvbon opportunity offers to eat.