POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXVIII, Issue 109, 4 November 1939, Page 12

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Conttndtd

BY PERCY OAGfc

And not so long ago the Nazi propaganda office directed that "pictures of Stalin will not be allowed in private German homes." # » ♦ Probably many of our best boys are only waiting for the Cup-carnival to. finish before they line up for enlistment. • * * * Did you know that Peter the Great also had dreams (and plans) of a Russian frontier from the Baltic to the Dardanelles? ♦ ■♦ • I When it comes to capitalising -A i grievance, plain or fancy, we unhesi* | tatingly hand the belt to the Minister lof Public Works. I * » • •_ ! MODERN VERSION- ' , | "How odd of God ! To choose the Jews/ j How grim of Him i To shun the Hun. d: ing-bats * * ♦ OF COURSE! It was an elementary first-aid cla« for juveniles, and the ambulance officer sought to introduce a topical element. "What would you do if youif brother got blown up with gunpowder oil November 5?" she asked out twelve-year-old hopeful. A.pause, and then came the answer: "Wait till he cam* down again, I suppose." HENRY. -; SHARKS! Wot's all this 'ere about them, sharks? We 'ear as 'ow a lot of narks 'As stopped them comin'. Wot a bore. • Now we 'ad 'opes that ma-in-law Might make ,the grade as prime sharkmeat . .','■_ (We'd easily shove 'er off 'er feet) Although o' course she's old and stringy And fat enough to sink a dinghy. Alas! fond 'opes. Wot must be, must* But we'll do for 'er yet, or bust, And probably on Guy Fawkes' night We'll use that plug o' dynamite And blast 'er where she, won't bewishin' To see no 'ot stuff Exhibition. . . » . Yours, through a straw, "GEORGE GUFFAW." • • - ■ ».'■ . '.'-•[' . BRAIN-TEASERS. Assuming that a rose aphis, which came out.of the egg on May 31, produced, 5 female young on: the tenth day after doing so, and continued to produce 5 others on each succeeding day. and that each of the. ( , young aphides, when ten days'Old.,'produced, equally fertile .young at the same rate, and that no deaths took place—find how many female descendants of the*' first aphis were in existence on "the evening of June 30. ; . No. 2.—Each dot .represents a letter. Down and across each word •, is the. same. . ; ..■;■. c . • ..•••- n , : • • • • *•' c . • : • ••'•* * • . „ , ■•:■ '- •■ .-. rs. * « •■ >.. ~ .'! \ •'•'■ '■:-- •. ■•&>•{>■'?] .- Clues:; (i) Gay^pluisiaged'sftiaU bird; (2). hard substance;, (3). ••> "disorderly crowd; (4) easy pace; (5). vegetable; (6) ene; (7) conjunction; . {$)., consonant. . . " 7 " . \' * - - ♦ ~ «f.-j. SCHOOL'S IN/ '; Do you know that— •; (1) In 1695, births,, of children ware taxed in England—of k duke, £30, of a common person, 2s? (2) The club was the first offensive weapon, then followed, the mace, battleaxe, pike,, spear, javelin, sword and dagger, bows and arrows? (3) Since 1918 British, building societies have lent £1,351,000,000 ta private purchasers and' syndicates? ' . > (4) The following charge is recorded in the accounts of Bishop Burton Churclv near Hull: !'To polishing and curing John Wesley of worms, 10s 6d"? . . (5) Chanting the Psalms was adopted from the pagan ceremonies of the Romans about the year 350? (6) Arson, punished with death <by the Saxons, long remained a capital crims on the consolidation of the laws in 1827 and 1837? (7) Canada stands first in world production of nickel and platinum, third in zinc, fourth in gold, copper, and lead, and fifth in silver? ' (8) In China divorce? are permitted in all cases of criminality., jealousy, incompatibility of temperament, or too much talking by the wife? (9) A £30,000 reward for apractical method of exterminating rabbits is a standing offer by. the New South Wales Government? (10) British manufacturers are mate ing pink asbestos aprons for carelesi housewives who bend over the kitchen stove? . ,'■•"'■■ * * # 1 THE STREAM'S SONG; \ Make way, make, way;. -■ ' You thwarting stones; -'. Room for my play, Serious ones. Do you not fear,: > ~ 0 rocks and boulder* To feel my laughter On your grave shoulders? Do you not know My joy at length Will all wear out Your solemn strength? You will not forever Cumber my play; . With joy and a song 1 clear my way. Your faith sof rock Shall yield to me, And be carried away By the song of xny glee. Crumble, crumble, : Voiceless things; No faith can last That never sings. * Yet for a while Thwart me, O boulders; I need for laughter Your serious shoulders.' LASCELLES ABERCROMBH. » c • THE PUNCH BOWL. ("Punch," October^November, J914-) An overheard conversation! "I s«e that both you and your wife have sent blankets to the soldiers." '"Yes. She sent mine, so I sent hers." Take its "capital" from Prussia— You reduce the thing to Russia! Why, it is being asked, do not the French retaliate for the damage'done by the Germans to their cathedrals and drop bombs on Berlin? The persons who put this question have, fevidently never seen Berlin or1 they woujd know that you cannot damage its architecture if you try. Officer (filling in form): What's your religion? Zealous Recruit: Well, what are you 1 short of? Patriotic Teacher: England expects Now, will one of you boy* finish the sentence? ' "England expects Bright Pupil: To win; " • t Sent us by JJt, j