POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVII, Issue 18, 21 July 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Latest travel slogan in U.S.A.: Join, m tho hunt for Dillinger and see all . this-world, and possibly «ho next one. ._■ * * «. .■.' '-. \Tliere can he no permanent world peace until the armed nations beat their swords into farm tractor blades. ■■■-■ .* ■ . ..*- ». *-■- •'.;■■ Founded on fact. An educated man is one who listens to your' Kcriptural quotation and can' tell you what play of Shakespeare it came from; ', ■* - * *■■ ■■ .-■. • '_' Kingi.''—Those British ■ mission* aries who escaped from Funing. evident* ly thought the joke had gone . far enough; it was beginning to look like a game of keeps. • ■ ■ ' •, - ■■■■■■■■■♦ ■■■»■■ ■»::. :■■ . : . ;■_ . . It worked. The chief engineer of* minoin Czechoslovakia took home threa atones of frozen dynamite to thaw in a* 'tovc. One wall of the. house remains. The man is recovering. ' _■■•'*■'• * . '-'* ""■■"'...'. "/', ■ ■ PLAINT. ; . . .' Oh, Woody, you do make me crossj . You rarely win a Tost match toss, And when you go and make a blobThat caps it all, so whelp me btfb! "".-;"' SKITTLED." ■ '• '■ *■ ■ .'* '■ '*. ' " - KEVEB '.'.KICK; A DUCKEBY'?! Scripture lessons are most.prolific of school "howlers," judging by those reported at a conference arranged by the Association for Adult JBeligious Education. _ . :. •',-,.■- .-: :-■ ■; . A schoolgirl version of the SeventK Commaadment. was: "Thoa shalt 'not 'kick a duckery." A little East End child, repeating tho. Lord's Prayer, was heard to petition: "Lead us not into Thames Station." • , One little girl asked another: "Da you believe in the, devili" Her friend at once replied: "No, of course not, It's like .Santa Claus—it's 'you* father." . .- ". '.. ... . . .. , r . Confronted withthe lino iv a hymns "Satan trembles when he sees' the; weakest sinner on his.knees, *' a child asked her mother why even the weakes 7 sinner should want to sit on Satan' knees. .■ • ■■'••: ■■>■■ -- ■•■■ .. ■■. .;■""■ ■•. . ■;■ ■.*■■.-. ■■*•'■ :.*;•■■ :. ..■-■. >. \ EEMEMBEB' THIS ONE? Evening "Sarge!" -Private' Horace Hooper was one of life's misfits. 1 The fow faculties he did possess always seemed to function in.the wrong direct tion. : , Naturally, >' he was known"'' ■as "Dopey, 5? a name which suited his mentality admirably. At; church parade one morning "Dopey" was noticed . listening attentively to the padre's sermon. The text was "Ask and ye shall receive." After the- service, "Dopey?wandered aimlessly off to the Y.M. hut. Procuring, notepapar, he pencilled the following: "Dear Lord,—Be the 'sermon, preached this morning, please send mo two hundred francs." The letter was posted and duly reached the.Base P.O. Here it canio under the -notice gf the censor, who considered its contents worthy of mention, to his f eUqw-offi.ee.rs.. With one accord, they sportingly agreed • to, come to the assistance of the digger. Taking up a muster".', :they gathered in a hundred fr'ancs-i' This • was, dispatched.in.an official envelope and in,due course receivediby^Dppey.'^ The reply' he seht.hack jv-as eveninore; staggering.. It read:. "Dear. Lord,^ tPnanks fof. the Jmoney, but "next 'time don't send*lt;through 'base "liMdqrar^ ters; .the. blankers' pinched a hundred' francs." ' . : : '•. : : "DIG." "WEVHi; ;:"..';C ..'. - ' . * ' : * ' , : d ;. .-:: v : v SCHOOL'S IN. ;„■ !■ '-. Do you know that •■'• '■• , 1. Tho oldest' chemist shop in.' thai World is tho one 'at Bagusa, Dalmatia, which has been operating since 1377? • 2. The children of houseboat families in Canton- wear, life-preservers- while they axe walking the many gangplanks? 3. Ainorigst thousands of criminals who have been "inmates";of< Sing Sing in the last ten years not one hag been a dentist? ■.-•. ~.< :; : ■;)■.■'• 4. Cairo has plenty ; of street cars,-, motor-buses, and taxis, but her native '.'penny tram," a donkey-drawn .twowheeler, is well patronised by the poor? 5. If a rabbit lives to the age of six or seven it can be regarded as-a genuine antique?; :., ! .„; ; ; .... ■ 6. An '-Arab sheik, whoso hobby is collecting rare perf unies, , has jiist insured his nose with a London, company) for £.2000? ■:■■ .■;':-,' ■-:.-?•; ■■-■;•-■ ■.. ■ 7. The largest black opal ever found recently landed in London? It is valued at £1300.■",. ' .'■:■■' 2 ;■■■; ■■■:-.-. ■•■ 8. An English firm' has "huilt a; . monster lathe, which, controlled by sixty-three push-buttons,-,is capable' of poising a 150-ton cylinder of steel and shaving three tons of cuttings' per ho'ui; from it as it rotates? . ,; -X';. 9. Betty, a Malverji (England) sowi has produced 375 little pigs in eleven years? : ..-';. ......: " 10. Deibler, France's official execu^ tioner, has earned at the rate of £600( a year for forty years at the guillotine business?... '. ..." .•'. ■■ .;. '- - V •".*. .■.■'*■ V '*. ..", '.''.', .''!".;■ BALLADE OF A POOK BLOKE. What shall we writ© about; tonight^ >' Avoiding repetition vain;: ' ' ■ Our clients' patie^ce to requitej ' ■ Our febrile prestige to maintain? ' Finding new subjects is a .'strain '' That, somehow, quickly finds dne; out* Which prompts us to'inquire-again— . What can a poor bloke writokboutfi What can we write about tonight? Pardon this slow sing-song refrain, If we'were in less parlous plight, , .* VOr had a less pedestrian brain," ~ Something ere this had been in train,) But so far nothing wants to sproutj For which we ask (now near profane): What can.a poor bloke write about \ What can we write about tonight? But Heavens! \We feel your shrwj disdain Creep down from your Olympian height; Our heart of its last hopes to drain* We know it goes against your grain, , Wo know that we'doservo the knout, But what we don'Uknow's just as plain; Wo don't know what to write about^ Envoi. " ■■■■.-.:■■■■-■■. Helen, if Paris should complain At being somctimo "up the spout,'' Tell him, a lover of. Verlaine ,' .'.'.' One night had nought to r write about^ ■ , *- ■ • ■#.- ■' .-' ■'*'■-.. .;,■ -v KING'S COCK-CBOWEB. ' We discovered only tho other flay; that until after the Easter following Queen Victoria's marriage there was ,such a court official as the King's' Cock This office was brought into being by Edward the Confessor, and the duty consisted of entering the Boyal apartments at midnight of Wednesday. Thursday in Holy Week and crowing loudly in chanticleer style to remind the monarch of Christ's betrayal by, Peter. The job was worth £&00.a year. But it received its quietus at the tim» mentioned. The Prince Consort was sitting alone in a room in Windsor Castle on Wednesday night in Holyj Week when he was alarmed by the sudden appearance of a' gentleman iv court dress, who cried " Cock-a-doodlc-doo" at the pitch of his voice. Think* ing that tho man was mad, the princrt knocked him down. This was tho end lof a well-paid and not very exacting* ■ * .. " .'.